Getting to know my employers neighbors

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny for two families. My Monday, Wednesday and sometimes Saturday family moved last summer to a wealthy neighborhood in a gated community. The kids are 4 and 7.

Yesterday the kids and I were bike riding and walking around their neighborhood. I noticed another kid outside so I said to the kids, "Let's go say hi and introduce ourselves." The kid was assembling a soccer net in their driveway. My charges thought it was really weird to just walk up to someone and say hi. I did it anyway. The mom came outside, we chatted a few minutes. Turns out the kid was in 5th grade, so really too old for my charges to play with. I didn't realize how much older he was since he was sitting on the the driveway at the time I saw him. Anyway, we chatted a few minutes, then we went on our way.

My 7 year old charge was astounded that I was so bold as to just walk up and say hi. Turns out my 7 year old charge has seen another girl who looks about the same age as her in the neighborhood and has wanted to get to know her. So we went to that house, but they weren't outside. We knocked on the door but they weren't home.

I am in my late 50's. I told my charge that back when I was a kid, all the moms stayed home, and therefore all the kids stayed home after school too. And when I was growing up, the kids would just knock on doors in the neighborhood asking if they had any kids to play with. My charge thought that was so weird.

After I got home last night, I was telling my husband out it. He said I was inappropriate. He said wealthy families don't actually interact with the neighbors. He said I was teaching the kids to be "middle class."

By the way, I have been with this family for almost 3 years. There have been many times when I have encountered similar situations while working for them and felt like I don't know how to "do" upper class lifestyle stuff.

Was I inappropriate? Do wealthy people not interact with their neighbors?

[Anonymous]

Of course they do. It's just that no one is home to do it. I would love if someone came and knocked and introduced themselves, especially with a same-aged child. If I wasn't interested in pursuing it, I just wouldn't pursue it.

[Anonymous]

So they moved almost a year ago and you're taking them around to introduce them to neighbors? This is something that should have been done in the first month.

NOW it's inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Oh for heaven's sake. I think it's great OP.

- MB

[Anonymous]

You are overthinking it, relax.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think what you did is fine and don't be self-conscious about it. I do think there are "upper class" folk who do things differently from the rest of us, but they are old money, i.e., the Kennedys and Vanderbilts, NOT the Trumps. I'm guessing most people in a wealthy gated community are NOT old money, real old money live in sprawling estates and don't have neighbors (except in a city). Your NF's neighbors are new money and and IMO not so different from "middle class" from which many of them probably came. Having said that, I do think that some nouveau riche like to put on airs and would be snotty if you approached them the "wrong way," whatever that is. My parents recently moved from a middle class neighborhood to a very affluent one and I've noticed some of our new neighbors are snobbish and not friendly. I think it's hilarious because for the life of me, I don't see how they are better than us, but they feel very confident that they are! But some neighbors are really nice and have invited us over, it just depends on the person.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks previous posters for your responses.

I suppose yesterday was just another day when I again felt intimidated by their wealth and wondered if I was doing things "right" according to whatever vague upper class social norms there are.

Next time I see a kid in their neighborhood while I am out and about with the kids, I will just wave and smile and see how that goes over. The mom I talked to yesterday pointed out houses nearby that have kids of a more similar age to my charges, so we will take our walks and bike rides in that general direction in the future.

The DB I work for is a newly minted physician who finished his residency shortly before I started working for them. So they are now moving up in society and taking me along for the ride.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my mid-50's and live in an affluent community, not gated however. I would be pleased if a neighbor or her nanny brought their kids over to say hi. I'm an introvert so I wouldn't have the nerve to do it myself but certainly would welcome the opportunity to get to know the neighbors. The neighbors I do know feel the same way. Don't let your DH or anyone deter you, OP.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to go say hi to a kid you see outside. I think it's super weird to knock on the door of a house where you think a kid (whose name you don't even know!) might live. That's not a class issue, it's just stalkery.