7 year old charge is very disrespectful towards me

[Anonymous]

On Friday when he got home from school, he yelled at the top of his lungs "You are going to help me with this right now- GET OVER HERE". I told him I would gladly help him if he asked nicely, he refused and called me stupid. I then told him that's not how we talk to people and that that he needed to go to his room to cool down, and that I would come up and talk with him about it in a few minutes. He told me "I am 7- I don't have to listen to you, so I won't go in timeout even if you tell me to". He eventually went to his room sobbing. He is disrespectful to me on a daily basis. I tell his parents and they completely back me up, but there's been no improvement and I am sick of being treated like crap by a 7 year old. How would you handle and discourage this behavior?

[Anonymous]

OP again, I wanted to add that he has a VERY type A personality and is the most stubborn child I have worked with. I think he often feels unheard or unimportant. He is the oldest of three boys. Middle child gets a lot of attention due to him having juvenile diabetes. Younger baby needs more attention for obvious reasons. I try and have one on one time with him when possible and talk with him about his day, but I am just met with more resistance and attitude.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been their nanny, OP?

[Anonymous]

Do you know for sure how many nannies/sitters he's had?

[Anonymous]

I have been with them for a year and from what I have been told he has had 3 nannies before me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On Friday when he got home from school, he yelled at the top of his lungs "You are going to help me with this right now- GET OVER HERE". I told him I would gladly help him if he asked nicely, he refused and called me stupid. I then told him that's not how we talk to people and that that he needed to go to his room to cool down, and that I would come up and talk with him about it in a few minutes. He told me "I am 7- I don't have to listen to you, so I won't go in timeout even if you tell me to". He eventually went to his room sobbing. He is disrespectful to me on a daily basis. I tell his parents and they completely back me up, but there's been no improvement and I am sick of being treated like crap by a 7 year old. How would you handle and discourage this behavior?

I would have found a new job along time ago.

[Anonymous]

I guess the only thing I would change about it is that I would tell him to go to his room and put him in charge of when he decided he was ready to apologize, rather than telling him I would be there in a few minutes to talk about it. (What is there really to talk about anyway? He was mean to you, and it was wrong. He knows it, and you know it. There is no discussion here.) Honestly, I don't care if he is in there 30 seconds or two hours, I don't care if he is sobbing, I don't care if he is reading a book or listening to music, whatever works for him. Just so long as he is pleasant when he comes out again. I would also not do the thing he needed help with until he asked nicely.
Also, he is 7. He is just realizing that adults are not omnipotent, and he doesn't actually have to go to his room just because an adult told him to (although, of course, the reality is that he does). Some of this is just kind of a crappy developmental stage.

[Anonymous]

When he's rude, you take away his toys or he loses privileges. The parents need to back up the consequence.

[Anonymous]

Do you notice a pattern about when he acts out? If it's always after school, he might be hungry and acting out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On Friday when he got home from school, he yelled at the top of his lungs "You are going to help me with this right now- GET OVER HERE". I told him I would gladly help him if he asked nicely, he refused and called me stupid. I then told him that's not how we talk to people and that that he needed to go to his room to cool down, and that I would come up and talk with him about it in a few minutes. He told me "I am 7- I don't have to listen to you, so I won't go in timeout even if you tell me to". He eventually went to his room sobbing. He is disrespectful to me on a daily basis. I tell his parents and they completely back me up, but there's been no improvement and I am sick of being treated like crap by a 7 year old. How would you handle and discourage this behavior?

I thoroughly understand, op. I'm dealing with the same issues, from several children. The difference is that they've had incompetents over the last year.

The reality is that he can choose to go up to his room; are you strong enough to carry him up? If so, those are his choices. If not, give him another alternative which removes his attitude from your presence, like he can go to his room or you can go to a different room. He has d amount of time to decide or you decide for him. I agree with one of the pps about the length of time. My wording is, " when you are ready to treat everyone else with the respect we deserve, we would be happy to see you down here with us again." That puts the onus completely on him.

[Anonymous]

I have similar with my 6 yr old charge. His lack of manners and general attitude are a disgrace at times. You have to be firm and show him who is boss. It isn't doing him any favors in life if you let this type of behavior go.

[Anonymous]

My 4 year old acts like this and screams at me and his parents whenever he is upset or not getting his way. I'm the only one that gives him consequences and in front of them too if they are around.

I love him but can't stand him or his disrespectful mood swings. To be honest I'm sick of this career and dealing with other people's lack of proper parenting.

[Anonymous]

Nannies should never quietly accept nasty behavior from children. Never. If I see it out in public, I'll say something.
You should to, when possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 4 year old acts like this and screams at me and his parents whenever he is upset or not getting his way. I'm the only one that gives him consequences and in front of them too if they are around.

I love him but can't stand him or his disrespectful mood swings. To be honest I'm sick of this career and dealing with other people's lack of proper parenting.

I know how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 4 year old acts like this and screams at me and his parents whenever he is upset or not getting his way. I'm the only one that gives him consequences and in front of them too if they are around.

I love him but can't stand him or his disrespectful mood swings. To be honest I'm sick of this career and dealing with other people's lack of proper parenting.

I know how you feel.

I see this type of behavior all the time when I do backup care which is one of the reason I quit nannying and now in school full time. A six year old called me stupid come wipe my diahrrea butt when I wasn't even supposed to be watching him only his sister but job creep because his dad was stuck on the phone. Another 10 year old called me the N word (no joke). These kids are being raised by YouTube so I am not surprised by the stories here.