Parents won't stay consistent

[Anonymous]

I nanny for a very large family and also help with their special needs child as well. MB & DB doesn't stay consistent with the child causing him to regress and tantrum when things doesn't go his way. Everyone from me, the school, and his therapist are all consistent with his bathroom needs, addressing his tantrums correctly, etc. but MB & DB are not, when the child tantrums, they rush to his side and give him whatever it is he was tantruming about and he will smile and giggle because he knows he has them wrapped around his finger. While we were told to ignore him until he is calm and then address the situation, they allow him to throw his toys and other objects around the house and then tell me "he is terrorizing the house." Instead of putting a stop to the throwing. It has become frustrating, and the child often looks at me like the bad guy when I stop him from doing these things they allow him to get away with. Is there a way to talk to MB & DB about the issue without seeming like I'm playing the blame game?

[Anonymous]

They are probably tired from working and dealing with the other kids so his needs get neglected. Common in large families as parents are stretched thin.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like they ARE responding consistently. They give in every time.

Seriously, though, they have experts telling them what to do and are ignoring rhe experts. This isn't because they don't get it, they don't care. They like doing it this way for whatever reason and they will continue to do so. Are you okay being the only enforcing the rules? If not, you need a different set of employers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are probably tired from working and dealing with the other kids so his needs get neglected. Common in large families as parents are stretched thin.

Please don't smear large families. I have worked for big families that managed to meet all of their kids' needs and parents of onlies who were too lazy to put the kid to bed before 11pm.

[Anonymous]

Don't care more than the parents do. If they give into him, then you should too. Make your life easier and don't fight this - it will never work out in your favor.

Meanwhile look for another position and give notice. You are in a lose-lose situation and the parents are not going to change.

[Anonymous]

They don't deserve you, OP. Move on.

[Anonymous]

How do you both "ignore him until he's calm" and "put a stop to the throwing?" Those two approaches seem contradictory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you both "ignore him until he's calm" and "put a stop to the throwing?" Those two approaches seem contradictory.

op here. From what I learned if you give a child attention when they are acting terribly, you are simply awarding their behavior and they will recognize that as a way to get your attention. As for the throwing we put a stop to it by making him pick up everything he throws and put it back where it was found and eventually he will get tired of this action and stop all together ?. There is nothing contradictory about it if you know what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you both "ignore him until he's calm" and "put a stop to the throwing?" Those two approaches seem contradictory.

op here. From what I learned if you give a child attention when they are acting terribly, you are simply awarding their behavior and they will recognize that as a way to get your attention. As for the throwing we put a stop to it by making him pick up everything he throws and put it back where it was found and eventually he will get tired of this action and stop all together ?. There is nothing contradictory about it if you know what you are doing.

PP was probably confused by thinking you were stopping the throw while simultaneously ignoring the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't care more than the parents do. If they give into him, then you should too. Make your life easier and don't fight this - it will never work out in your favor.

Meanwhile look for another position and give notice. You are in a lose-lose situation and the parents are not going to change.

This, this - 100 times this!!!