Playing with fire...literally
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Anonymous
| So one of my charges is a preteen and has a fascination with playing with matches. I was cleaning the kitchen when i suddenly smelled smoke and asked him what was going on and he says he doesn't know but the trash can is smoking and he doesn't know why, then the smoke alarm goes off and he's panicking. At this point I lost my temper and yelled at him and he yelled back saying he wasn't doing anything and then proceeds to grab the trash bag and take it outside to get rid of the evidence. Mom is out running errands and left her phone here. So I can't call her about the situation. Is there another solution to handling this? |
Anonymous
| I'd NEVER accept responsibility for the boy again. Period. And you're nuts if you do. Sorry. You cannot solve this family's problems. |
Anonymous
|
You say he "has a fascination with playing with matches." Does this mean this is not a one-time thing with him? Are his parents aware of this fascination?
This is dangerous enough that you absolutely need to talk to mom about it, and potentially suggest that he needs eyes on him all the time, which would likely mean they'd have to hire an additional person if he's not your only charge. |
Anonymous
| OP here, it was brought to the parent's attention before about this through someone else, mom yelled at her son and left it at that. I talked to mom about it and said I noticed the smell, I confronted the child and he yelled at me, and all she did at this point was call all her children to sit with her and gave them a quick lesson of "if you're to light a match, you need to run water over it and smash the match with your fingers to make sure the fire is completely out before tossing it because you could burn the house down." In which the child told her he didn't know what was going on, gen back tracked and said he was lighting a candle in his room and threw the match out when he was done. Then she proceeded to tell me how my poor choice of pants selection for her special needs son almost made him miss the bus this morning...I made it known today was my last day. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't be comfortable in this situation either. Mom leaving her phone at home with at least 2 special needs children would be enough for me without the fire. |
Anonymous
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Yikes.
Good that you can move on OP. But my heart also breaks for the family - reading between the lines there are some terrifying challenges there. |
Anonymous
| This is a very common phase boys go through. His parents need to let him try all the things he wants to do experimenting with fire, while supervised by them, with a fire extinguisher nearby. That'll get it out of his system. |
Anonymous
Yes, it is a common phase ... for sociopaths!!! WTF?! Very glad you quit, OP. That family is in serious trouble. |
Anonymous
Do you have a special needs son? Please don't say you're a nanny. |
Anonymous
You are crazy! |
Anonymous
+1. It is part of the triad in diagnosing and predicting sociopathy. NOT a normal developmental phase!!! Very happy you quit that job, OP. |
Anonymous
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He needs to be kept safe and provided therapy. He should not have access to matches, stoves, lighters or flammable materials.
Please let the mother/parents know that their child needs help. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyromania |
Anonymous
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I'm the PP.
Also mention this: The prognosis for recovery in adolescents and children who suffer from pyromania depends on the environmental or individual factors in play, but is generally positive. In adults, there is less hope. |
Anonymous
| The absentee parents are probably in denial. |
Anonymous
| If it was solely pyromania, he would be fiddling with matches and lighters but could be steered to safer choices/places. Lying about the fire in the trash can and the lack of regret lean more towards needing a diagnostic immediately. |