If you quit the program and then came back...why?

[Anonymous]

Hello...

I am on AP8 and my kids are older (9 and 11). There are other options we can use, such as aftercare and maybe a local sitter.

If you stopped using the program and then found your way back...why? Did the aftercare or sitters not work out for you? Was it not financially beneficial? What age is best for quitting the program?

I feel like finding a reliable local sitter and spending $ on after care is more of a hassle than its worth. What if the local sitter quits? What if they get tired of aftercare and want to be at home?
What age can your kids care for each other and not have to have a sitter?

What circumstances did it become successful and what sacrifices do you have to do to make it work??

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we quit when our children were 5 and 7 and came back when they were 7 and 9. We needed morning help and could not find reliable morning care. We only needed 25 minutes of driving our son to school, and I was paying $25 per day for that morning work, but still the people cancelled a lot because it was only $25 to them. And in terms of afternoons, we were fine and had reliable after school care, but it was the year of Snowmaggedon and we had two weeks off from school and that killed all of our vacation days. And then DD got sick for sevreal days and that put us over the edge. So we went back to the program. Our children are now 12 and 14, and we are done this July. I can't wait. It's been a great run and we have really enjoyed the program, but this last stint is brutal and we have had a tough year, so it is a slow crawl to the finish line.

If we had had any family nearby who could have helped, that would have made things better but we didn't. Also schools didn't have aftercare or back-up vacation care.

[Anonymous]

We quit when kids were K and 2nd grade thinking we'd use after school care. Turned out it was stressful to arrange care every time there was a no school day or early release or kid had a soccer practice, etc. and the after school program didn't do "homework" with the kids (even though they are little, they still had reading or a math page to do most nights). We were all exhausted by it. When I looked at the costs it was also not that different. On paper it was only $3k more for an Au Pair and I know that doesn't take into account the extra food and other expenses....but it also didn't take into consideration the date nights that we needed a sitter for and the days my husband and I needed to take a day off because a child was feeling under the weather. I still assume we are actually out of pocket at least 3k more for an au pair but it's worth it to us! I'm guessing we'll stop when they are middle schoolers.

[Anonymous]

We tried and only lasted a summer. We had full time care lined up ($500 per week) plus about 4 different camps lined up for each child. We thought the summer would be easy with a solid FT gig for a teacher. She ended up having a conflict in August and it turned into a logistical nightmare quickly. After school care was the plan and grandparents 1 day a week and flexing our schedules was the plan during the school year. Within 2 weeks that summer we realized relying on grandparents driving 25 minutes often is not realistic; and flexing our job schedule that much would end in unemployment. Fortunately we were able to get an OOC AP by October. Only use 20 hours a week but for holidays, weather, sick kid, it is worth the piece of mind; as much as I do not like housing a stranger and providing a car/food/etc.

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that some people think that they won't need APs once the kids are in elementary. Our experience has been exactly the opposite, having a nanny from birth until youngest was 4, then the AP program until started 7th grade. We finally left last year. I found the flexibility of the AP program invaluable in those elementary years for all the reasons mentioned already: sick days, snow days, summers, afterschool activities...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that some people think that they won't need APs once the kids are in elementary. Our experience has been exactly the opposite, having a nanny from birth until youngest was 4, then the AP program until started 7th grade. We finally left last year. I found the flexibility of the AP program invaluable in those elementary years for all the reasons mentioned already: sick days, snow days, summers, afterschool activities...

Agree. I have school aged kids and think it is invaluable.

I have seen many say they are leaving because they can use other methods or stagger schedules or WFH...but none of those options have worked for me when I've had a break between APs. Flakey local help and inconsistent help from my kids' father or meetings/conference calls/travel have upset those plans.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in 9th, 6th, and 3rd, and I don't see quitting the AP program any time soon, although it has its ups and downs. But the reality of the split shift schedule -- 2 kids out the door at 7 am, and the youngest not starting school until 9:25 -- means that we need that 3 hours of coverage in the morning. We also wouldn't be able to manage the kids' activities without an AP, as my spouse and I each have an hour commute and can't possibly get home to start picking kids up at 4:30 pm. Add in work travel, plus snow days, sick days, and date nights, as PP have mentioned, and we just can't manage without a third person with a flexible schedule who can take up the slack.

It doesn't make sense to look at full-time nannies/household managers, as there just aren't 6 hours worth of work in the middle of the day to be done, and a full-time person would probably double our costs. Not feasible. And I think trying to manage a part-time/flexible sitter is just as much drama as trying to negotiate an AP relationship -- mainly because of the turnover. I have several friends who can easily face two to three turnovers a year, simply because the kinds of people who are willing to do part-time gig work are students or otherwise in a transient phase of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Yeah like others, the random no school days, sick days, work trips, etc., mean that flexibility is paramount. While APs have their own life and plans, they're mostly available, even last minute, unlike alternative options, that expect consistency and pre-planning.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in 9th, 6th, and 3rd, and I don't see quitting the AP program any time soon, although it has its ups and downs. But the reality of the split shift schedule -- 2 kids out the door at 7 am, and the youngest not starting school until 9:25 -- means that we need that 3 hours of coverage in the morning. We also wouldn't be able to manage the kids' activities without an AP, as my spouse and I each have an hour commute and can't possibly get home to start picking kids up at 4:30 pm. Add in work travel, plus snow days, sick days, and date nights, as PP have mentioned, and we just can't manage without a third person with a flexible schedule who can take up the slack.

It doesn't make sense to look at full-time nannies/household managers, as there just aren't 6 hours worth of work in the middle of the day to be done, and a full-time person would probably double our costs. Not feasible. And I think trying to manage a part-time/flexible sitter is just as much drama as trying to negotiate an AP relationship -- mainly because of the turnover. I have several friends who can easily face two to three turnovers a year, simply because the kinds of people who are willing to do part-time gig work are students or otherwise in a transient phase of their lives.

PP, thanks for posting this! How does your 9th grader get along with your AP? Have you had any issues?

We've got a 7th grader and 3rd grader and for the reasons you mention, expect to continue with the AP program for the foreseeable future. Because of the country that we prefer (German speaking), we tend to get 18/19 year old APs, so the age difference with our 7th grader is narrowing. I'm wondering if this will become a problem as time goes on? Perhaps not, the relationship seems to be evolving. Curious what experience has been.

[Anonymous]

We have an 8 & 10 year old and are thinking that this will be our last AP. Or at least a 6 month break (hosting for 6 years). With covid19 I think this is more realistic now to pull off.
Our current ap leaves in July- and we are ft working from home now - and that won’t change until their is a vaccine. Anyone else leaving earlier than originally planned?

[Anonymous]

I'm not the target audience for this question but before and after care has worked fine for us.

[Anonymous]

We quit when my in laws were able to cover the hours. That worked for 18 months but then we were ready to go back.