The Devil you know?

[Anonymous]

I am unsure what to do about my weekend nanny job. The parents are a high-profile couple with a weekday nanny and are generally home on the weekends. My charge is two and I have been with them for 1.5 years.

My charge is getting increasing bratty and having massive crying jags when his parents are around - and then amazingly good and happy when they are out. The parents, especially the mother, gives into the child all the time - even after I have already said no to something - and takes on a very scolding voice with me when I have intervened in a way that she doesn't approve of - even though she has told me repeatedly how much she loves how tough I am on her child.

I am working 66 hours a week between my two nanny jobs and might just be feeling burned out.

The pay is okay but less ($4 less hourly) than what I am earning during the week. I do get amazing birthday gifts from this family and a two-week salary bonus at the end of the year. The working conditions are very good - they have a huge house with lots of places for my charge to play.

This past weekend was especially rough. I don't know what to do... Weekend gigs are not that easy to find but there was one advertised this morning that I might look into. Or should I just deal with this job and try to talk to MB about my unhappiness?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I would 100% quit the weekend job. It just sounds like it's not working out. You don't have the final say in what the kid does, and that makes your job 10x harder. The mom should trust you enough to let you discipline the child, and if she doesn't, then she doesn't value your opinion or trust your judgement. And that, to me, would be grounds for quitting.

Also, the fact that they need a weekend nanny when they're home most of the time is concerning. Are they working on weekends, or just need some time to get tasks done? The child is acting out when the parents are around probably because he doesn't see them enough. He's likely crying/acting out for attention, which it seems like he doesn't get enough of from them.

And the lower pay is just the icing on the cake. Please quit this job, I've been there, and I promise it's not going to get any better.

[Anonymous]

Why not look for another weekend job and then give notice? They have probably been surprised and pleased that you've stayed as long as you have; it's hard to find long term weekend people.

I would also say that if this child is with a nanny most of the time, it's a lot to ask of him and of his parents for them to leave you two alone on the weekend, too. I know it makes your job harder, and I know she's not good at discipline, but he needs time with his mommy. You're working a lot, and it just may be that you need an easier job on the weekend, while they need someone who can roll with their family dynamic.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should quit entirely. Why not propose to be on call when they really need to step out? That way he gets time with them and it's just you and him when you babysit which will be easy on all of you. It's ok when they are babies but as they get to toddler years they become impossible to watch while parents are home. If they won't accept this then quit.

[Anonymous]

see if you can scale it down to every other weekend and/or date nights.
Be honest and say you are getting exhausted from working so much.
maybe now that child is older, they don't need as much weekend help.

[Anonymous]

I make it clear during the interview that I will support the way the parents raise their children, I won't undermine the parents, but i expect the same respect from them. I can't do my job if the parents scold me like a child in front of my charge, nor can I reasonably expect my charge to follow directions if they know they can go to a parent who will change those directions. I would quit, but it would solely be due to that issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make it clear during the interview that I will support the way the parents raise their children, I won't undermine the parents, but i expect the same respect from them. I can't do my job if the parents scold me like a child in front of my charge, nor can I reasonably expect my charge to follow directions if they know they can go to a parent who will change those directions. I would quit, but it would solely be due to that issue.

+1 This, OP. Try talking to the mother first, however. This might be something that can be worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The pay is okay but less ($4 less hourly) than what I am earning during the week. I do get amazing birthday gifts from this family and a two-week salary bonus at the end of the year. The working conditions are very good - they have a huge house with lots of places for my charge to play.


Thanks.

why are you paid less for weekend hours? they are worth more!

If I was you I would keep your weekend position why looking around to see what you can find

[Anonymous]

I guess it all boils down to how much you really need the money you are making from this weekend position.

My guess is that you really need the add'l weekend income otherwise you wouldn't be working so many hours.

My best advice for you is to speak directly to your Mom Boss.
Let her know that it makes your job disciplining her child much harder on you when she intervenes the way she does.

Explain how you need consistency as does her child.

You might also address to her that you would prefer it if she gives you complete autonomy on your job w/out resorting to being scolded for the things that you are doing.

Hopefully your talk will offer some clarity for her & she will change her ways and stop interfering.

If she gets all huffy over your talk, and/or does not switch her ways, then know that you did everything in your power to find a resolution that works.

Your sole option then would be to give notice + begin looking for another weekend gig.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

It's very usual for kids, especially that age, to misbehave around their mother the most. That's who they feel safest with. I would have a nice long chat about the situation, ask for specific things you'd like them to change, and given them a trial period so to speak to see if the situation improves.