Unsure of "my place" with a SAHM

[Anonymous]

On weekends I am the nanny for a very high-profile and wealthy family. The mother is at home generally the entire time I am there. I am used to being a full-charge nanny, as I am during the week, where the parents leave and I am in charge, so I am not sure of my place when the mother is always there.

Last weekend, my two-year-old charge was throwing his heavy trucks. I told him that to stop and that we only throw balls. His mother also told him to stop throwing his toys. I warned him that if he threw his truck again, I would have to take it away. He threw it again and I took the truck away.

Was that my place or should I have waited for the mother to do it? Do you correct your charges in front of a parent?

Thanks for any insight. I really don't care much for this weekend arrangement - I have a masters degree in early childhood development and feel like a mothers-helper - and am looking for another weekend job, but need advise until I find a new position.

[Anonymous]

If you are on the clock then you are in charge. That is what she is paying you for....why I dont know, but thats a whole other thread.

[Anonymous]

I am home sometimes when the nanny is. We just back each other up. If you took away my kid's truck and my kid complained I'd shrug and say "Well, you should have listened to [Nanny] when they said if you didn't stop throwing your truck it would be taken away. Maybe next time you'll listen."

I think it WAS your place.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar situation. I am comfortable with it.

I get there about 11 a.m. and mom feeds the kids lunch while I get stuff together for afternoon outings. Then mom takes a nap (she's pregnant) while I take the kids out for the afternoon. Then we get back home about 5 p.m. By then dad is home too. Mom gives the kids a bath while I get dinner together and clean up the kitchen. Dad does various honey-do things while she and I are doing our stuff. Then the parents go out to dinner and a movie and I take care of the kids until they get back home about 10 p.m.

And yes, sometimes I discipline the kids in front of the parents. Sometimes the parents discipline the kids in front of me.

Every now and then, both parents are interacting with the kids instead of me for an hour or so. I tease the parents that if they keep that up, I am going to have to split my babysitting check with them. I am good about noticing and taking care of other things when there is a lull in the day in regard to the childcare needs. This past week, I straightened up their pantry a bit during a lull.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar situation. I am comfortable with it.

I get there about 11 a.m. and mom feeds the kids lunch while I get stuff together for afternoon outings. Then mom takes a nap (she's pregnant) while I take the kids out for the afternoon. Then we get back home about 5 p.m. By then dad is home too. Mom gives the kids a bath while I get dinner together and clean up the kitchen. Dad does various honey-do things while she and I are doing our stuff. Then the parents go out to dinner and a movie and I take care of the kids until they get back home about 10 p.m.

And yes, sometimes I discipline the kids in front of the parents. Sometimes the parents discipline the kids in front of me.

Every now and then, both parents are interacting with the kids instead of me for an hour or so. I tease the parents that if they keep that up, I am going to have to split my babysitting check with them. I am good about noticing and taking care of other things when there is a lull in the day in regard to the childcare needs. This past week, I straightened up their pantry a bit during a lull.

Thank you, PO, but I am in a bit of a different situation with this family. They have a cook and a housekeeper even on weekends. And because of my background as a preschool teacher, I was hired to teach my charge.

I am uncomfortable in this position (clearly) and need a meeting with my employer to see what she sees is my position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am home sometimes when the nanny is. We just back each other up. If you took away my kid's truck and my kid complained I'd shrug and say "Well, you should have listened to [Nanny] when they said if you didn't stop throwing your truck it would be taken away. Maybe next time you'll listen."

I think it WAS your place.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are on the clock then you are in charge. That is what she is paying you for....why I dont know, but thats a whole other thread.

Thanks. The problem is that I don't feel in charge.

[Anonymous]

Yes it was your place but sounds like there is a deeper issue here and you aren't comfortable with the role. You should speak to your MB.

[Anonymous]

If they have a cook and a housekeeper even on weekends, and they have only one child who is 2, and you have a masters in early childhood education, then I would think that you are a "trophy nanny" for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they have a cook and a housekeeper even on weekends, and they have only one child who is 2, and you have a masters in early childhood education, then I would think that you are a "trophy nanny" for them.

Even rich kids have to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are on the clock then you are in charge. That is what she is paying you for....why I dont know, but thats a whole other thread.

Thanks. The problem is that I don't feel in charge.

I am an MB, and I would want nanny to be in charge when she's there. Can you ask MB about this or is she not approachable?

[Anonymous]

I've been in similar situations, and it's kept me from wanting to work with SAHP agan.

You can assume she wants you to take charge, but I've been reprimanded for disciplining children with mom at home. I think often they just want someone else to control, someone that they can tell what to do.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is your job and this is what they're paying you for. Mom can always weigh in, but you shouldn't feel unsure about doing your job.

[Anonymous]

Yes if they hired you to care for their child, then that definitely includes disciplining the child as needed.

Any parent, especially one who is always around should never take issue w/this.
You + the parent are a One unit team.