When to tell nanny you are switching to daycare?

[Anonymous]

We have had a great nanny for two years, but we have decided to enroll our daughter in daycare in September. Mainly it is a financial decision, but we also want our daughter to be around other kids (she is 3).

Daycare starts in September, and we will need our nanny until then (or as close to then as possible). When do we tell her? Of course we will do everything possible to find her a new job and want to give as much notice as possible. Tempted to tell her now. What is standard in cases like this?

[Anonymous]

Please tell her now. My employers blindsided me, after two years of saying how they would never do daycare and talking about the real preschools they wanted my charge to attend. Never was daycare even a possibility. They said the same thing that you did about socialization (which was bull in my case since I had my charge in a class/activity with other kids every single morning and playdates in the afternoon) but the real reason, as they admitted, was financial. They told me three weeks before he was to start.

Had I known that my charge would be dumped in a daycare, I would have prepared him. I would have had him wait for things (like meals, my attention, etc.) so he would get used to it before daycare had him waiting for everything. I would have started taking a more passive attitude in protecting him on playgrounds and classes since daycare workers wouldn't always be able to do it. I would have talked to him about how everyone goes to "school".

I got another job immediately so that wasn't an issue - but the sudden turn of events was very, very hard on my charge. He has become very withdrawn and shy since he started daycare over a year ago. But he has adjusted.

Luckily, I was able to work out a schedule with my new employers that allowed me to still see my charge once a week which I know has helped him.

[Anonymous]

Have you explored all other possibilities, OP? Like a good preschool and a nanny share? Daycare isn't meant to teach - it is custodial care first and foremost. Yes, kids do learn in good daycare institutions but not at the rate they would learn with one-on-one attention and an actual school dedicated to teaching.

If you are dead set on sending your child to an all day daycare, I would tell your nanny immediately.

[Anonymous]

Make sure she know a least 3 months ahead

[Anonymous]

MB here -- we haven't made the switch to daycare, but we've moved a couple of times (military), so had a similar need for coverage until a certain date.

The short answer is that there is no way to be a decent person and GUARANTEE that she'll stay until the day daycare starts in September. Even the best-intentioned nanny might leave to start a new job that is going to last for possibly years if she finds one that can't wait.

The longer answer is, though, that 2-3 months is a lot of notice and time for her to look for a new job, and if you can offer her a bonus if she stays until the last day, that might encourage her to do so. I would plan to look into alternatives if she leaves early. I uses MetroParentRelief for a few weeks before our last move.

If she does leave early, don't think badly of her. She needs to make sure she has an income coming in for the foreseeable future, not just until September. No matter how much she likes working for you and loves your child, if the right job needs her in August, she will go.

[Anonymous]

Not now! Three months is more than enough time.

[Anonymous]

The longer answer is, though, that 2-3 months is a lot of notice and time for her to look for a new job, and if you can offer her a bonus if she stays until the last day, that might encourage her to do so. I would plan to look into alternatives if she leaves early. I uses MetroParentRelief for a few weeks before our last move.

This. Including MetroParentRelief.

Give her a couple of months, and incentivize her to stay with a significant bonus. (Or just plan to use a short term solution if she finds a job beforehand.)

[Anonymous]

I would start casually mentioning that you're looking into it now so she's not blindsided later. Tell her you're hoping to have a slot open in Sept but that you really don't know exactly when. I've had jobs where they told me preschool/daycare was a possibility in Sept and then a slot opened in April and they took it. Imagine how lousy that would have been if I hadn't even known it was in the forecast. Let her know. And decide NOW what you'll do if you get a call in April or June or whenever telling you a slot is open and you need to take it or leave it.

[Anonymous]

Give no less than 6 weeks notice at the absolute minimum; 8-12 weeks is better. Like a previous poster, one of my previous nanny families, who I had worked with for 3 years, gave me exactly 3 weeks notice when their son entered preschool. In my case it did take longer than that to find a job because they gave me notice the week before Christmas which was not a good time to be job hunting. I ended up being unemployed for two months (it took me almost 6 weeks to get a good job offer with a suitable family, but they didn't need me to start the job for another 3 weeks).

That boy (age 3) was not at all prepared for the major life change of his full time nanny (since 3 months old) suddenly leaving and being put in a classroom all day (I agree with the previous poster that I might have been able to help prepare him more if I had more notice myself). He had major issues at preschool; his teachers said he was too disruptive to the other students, and after a few rough months, his mom switched him to a different, part time preschool.

At that point she did reach out to me, but I was full time with another family and she was only wanting 20 hours a week; plus I felt I couldn't trust her after she had previously given me only 3 weeks notice. So, she hired another part time nanny, because "he obviously wasn't ready for full time preschool" -- exact words of his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not now! Three months is more than enough time.

agree. wait until summer. 3 months is more than enough time for her to find a new job. Don't lose a good nanny before you have to. But also, I started my 2yo at daycare and she did great and was exposed to lots of new things. It's a good decision.

[Anonymous]

Tell her now. A good nanny will want to prepare the child she has cared for and loves for the rigors of daycare. The shift should be gradual for the sake of the child. Two, regardless of what other rationalizing mothers are posting, is a very difficult time to transition to group care. Do some research on this, OP - try to help your baby as much as possible and having your nanny's support during this transition will help your child.

Our wonderful nanny ALWAYS knew that DS would be starting preschool and aftercare at three-years-old. She stayed with him through his first two weeks in school and aftercare (increasing his time in school/aftercare every day) which made it easier for him. During that time, she asked for a few hours off to interview for a new job but never once slacked in her responsibilities or dedication to our little guy. She got a great job right away and loves her new charge but still sees my son regularly. This has been so important to him!

Do right by a wonderful nanny and tell her now.

[Anonymous]

Depends on your relationship. You could tell her now so she can help prepare you both if you don't think she'll just drop you when it's convenient for her.

Otherwise about 3 months. I gave all my NF's three months notice and they all honored it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would start casually mentioning that you're looking into it now so she's not blindsided later. Tell her you're hoping to have a slot open in Sept but that you really don't know exactly when. I've had jobs where they told me preschool/daycare was a possibility in Sept and then a slot opened in April and they took it. Imagine how lousy that would have been if I hadn't even known it was in the forecast. Let her know. And decide NOW what you'll do if you get a call in April or June or whenever telling you a slot is open and you need to take it or leave it.

Yes, this.

[Anonymous]

We told our nanny as soon as we decided on daycare and we all cried. She stuck it out to the end and left on good terms, still babysitting for DD on date night. And a good thing we were honest with her because daycare was a disaster for DD. In two months, DD got pneumonia, live, stomach flu and two bad colds. She also cried so hard when we left her that she would vomit. On daycare worker got angry with my toddler for puking!! DD never adjusted and we pulled her out after two grueling months and all of DH and my vacation time was used up. We asked our nanny to come back and she did immediately. Now she is the nanny for our new baby girl as well. Our older girl, the one we put in daycare, is fine now. Happy and loves her preschool and friends. Daycare was just a wrong choice for our family.

You never know, OP. Tell your nanny now and be upfront just in case you need her to come back.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. We actually have our daughter in a part-time preschool and she loves it. So that might ease the transition a bit - it's not like this would be the first time she has been around kids for an extended period. It has just become a real financial stress to pay for our nanny full time (since we can't take her to/from the part time preschool).