Kids Raised By Sitter?

[Anonymous]

I'm not trying to start a debate, I'm just trying to get a better understanding.

As working parents, I understand weekday nannies. But we cherish our time with our children on the weekends. Of course, occasionally we do get a babysitter for Saturday nights, and/or the occasional weekday night. Everyone needs a break.

We have a family member who has a nanny/babysitter for their children almost every single day. They have a sitter on-call every Saturday, and they use her every Saturday in some capacity. Sometimes Sunday, too. It's almost guaranteed that, if you call and talk to these parents, the babysitter is there wrangling the kids.

I'm trying to understand this lifestyle. Why have children if you have no interest in doing anything with them? I'm not judging, or at least I'm not trying to. I just feel for these children who are essentially being raised by a sitter. Can anyone explain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to start a debate, I'm just trying to get a better understanding.

As working parents, I understand weekday nannies. But we cherish our time with our children on the weekends. Of course, occasionally we do get a babysitter for Saturday nights, and/or the occasional weekday night. Everyone needs a break.

We have a family member who has a nanny/babysitter for their children almost every single day. They have a sitter on-call every Saturday, and they use her every Saturday in some capacity. Sometimes Sunday, too. It's almost guaranteed that, if you call and talk to these parents, the babysitter is there wrangling the kids.

I'm trying to understand this lifestyle. Why have children if you have no interest in doing anything with them? I'm not judging, or at least I'm not trying to. I just feel for these children who are essentially being raised by a sitter. Can anyone explain?

OP here. I should add, these are school-aged kids who are at school all day and then watched by a sister while parents are home and off of work.

[Anonymous]

Don't judge others as you aren't in their lives day in and out. I have seen kids raised by parents who turned out horrible and I have seen some raised by nannies who turned out great. BTW I used to be a weekend live in nanny for a family and the kids were great! They had a live in weekdays nanny as well....plus housekeeping service every weekend. If you can afford it why not?

[Anonymous]

This is my NF. I love them and understand that they have incredibly busy lives.

I'm there Mon-Fri pretty much from the time they wake up until they go to sleep. Then they have a weekend person.

The children are lovely, but I do feel bad for them sometimes. Even thought they are almost always home by then they choose to have me read them bedtime stories and put them to bed 5 nights a week. They will come down and kiss them goodnight but that's it. It's not the choice that I would make with my children, but they are not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to start a debate, I'm just trying to get a better understanding.

As working parents, I understand weekday nannies. But we cherish our time with our children on the weekends. Of course, occasionally we do get a babysitter for Saturday nights, and/or the occasional weekday night. Everyone needs a break.

We have a family member who has a nanny/babysitter for their children almost every single day. They have a sitter on-call every Saturday, and they use her every Saturday in some capacity. Sometimes Sunday, too. It's almost guaranteed that, if you call and talk to these parents, the babysitter is there wrangling the kids.

I'm trying to understand this lifestyle. Why have children if you have no interest in doing anything with them? I'm not judging, or at least I'm not trying to. I just feel for these children who are essentially being raised by a sitter. Can anyone explain?

No. 1. Children are REARED not raised. Vegetables and domestic animals are raised!

No. 2.How other people care for their children is absolutely none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to start a debate, I'm just trying to get a better understanding.

As working parents, I understand weekday nannies. But we cherish our time with our children on the weekends. Of course, occasionally we do get a babysitter for Saturday nights, and/or the occasional weekday night. Everyone needs a break.

We have a family member who has a nanny/babysitter for their children almost every single day. They have a sitter on-call every Saturday, and they use her every Saturday in some capacity. Sometimes Sunday, too. It's almost guaranteed that, if you call and talk to these parents, the babysitter is there wrangling the kids.

I'm trying to understand this lifestyle. Why have children if you have no interest in doing anything with them? I'm not judging, or at least I'm not trying to. I just feel for these children who are essentially being raised by a sitter. Can anyone explain?

No. 1. Children are REARED not raised. Vegetables and domestic animals are raised!

No. 2.How other people care for their children is absolutely none of your business.

Well aren't you condescending. Other people must rear your children, no?

I also don't understand why people have accessory children.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I have absolutely worked for families like this. Sometimes it really is just a case of parents who don't care enough to be involved. Other times, and Annie is there as a safety net. My current family, one parent is a big law partner. That job is talked about a lot on the main DC urban mom forums and I have a front row seat. My employer sometimes has time to spend with the kids, but not on a predictable basis. If an email or call comes in or there is a fire to put out, everything else has to be dropped. That means that he cannot be solely responsible for the kids most of the time, because there is no guarantee that he will be able to give them full attention/supervision. If he is taking the kids on an outing for the day, there is a sitter along with them, so that he can step out of the room to answer a phone call as needed and the kids can continue with their activity. If he didn't, then his spouse would get zero free time. That's not good for their marriage and it's not good for the kids.

During the week, I am there from before the kids wake up until after the kids are asleep. I manage all of the logistics of the children (all of their laundry, food prep, signing them up for activities, etc.). That doesn't mean the parents don't see them, just that I am there also. If the parents have a light day, they will sleep in, come down and join us for breakfast. If they have a busy day, they leave as soon as I get there (or earlier for biglaw boss) and skype with them later. If they have a smooth afternoon they come home and tuck them in; if not I am there. There's a difference between absence and coverage.

On weekends they have family help and a weekend sitter. They also usually have family time, but again they need a plan in place because partnership requires constant availability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Nanny here. I have absolutely worked for families like this. Sometimes it really is just a case of parents who don't care enough to be involved. Other times, and Annie is there as a safety net. My current family, one parent is a big law partner. That job is talked about a lot on the main DC urban mom forums and I have a front row seat. My employer sometimes has time to spend with the kids, but not on a predictable basis. If an email or call comes in or there is a fire to put out, everything else has to be dropped. That means that he cannot be solely responsible for the kids most of the time, because there is no guarantee that he will be able to give them full attention/supervision. If he is taking the kids on an outing for the day, there is a sitter along with them, so that he can step out of the room to answer a phone call as needed and the kids can continue with their activity. If he didn't, then his spouse would get zero free time. That's not good for their marriage and it's not good for the kids.

During the week, I am there from before the kids wake up until after the kids are asleep. I manage all of the logistics of the children (all of their laundry, food prep, signing them up for activities, etc.). That doesn't mean the parents don't see them, just that I am there also. If the parents have a light day, they will sleep in, come down and join us for breakfast. If they have a busy day, they leave as soon as I get there (or earlier for biglaw boss) and skype with them later. If they have a smooth afternoon they come home and tuck them in; if not I am there. There's a difference between absence and coverage.

On weekends they have family help and a weekend sitter. They also usually have family time, but again they need a plan in place because partnership requires constant availability.

This is a great perspective. I appreciate you sharing!

[Anonymous]

I like how 15:19 framed her answer. I'm an MB, and while we don't use a nanny on the weekends, having a nanny is definitely a luxury that affords us peace of mind. We pay guaranteed hours that very often exceed our actual need. But when we need the maximum back-up we have it - in a way that is completely comfortable and normal for the kids. When we don't need all of the hours the nanny gets a slightly lighter work week.

The peace of mind it offers me (as a working mom who travels for work) is well worth the cost. The judgment of others on how they decide to characterize our parenting is tough. But our kids are happy, well-loved (including by their nanny), well-adjusted, and safe. Always.

That trumps everything else for me. So butt out of your family member's business OP. I know you say you aren't judging but it certainly reads judgmentally - so I guarantee they can smell it from you. It isn't helpful. Leave them alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: There's a difference between absence and coverage.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my NF. I love them and understand that they have incredibly busy lives.

I'm there Mon-Fri pretty much from the time they wake up until they go to sleep. Then they have a weekend person.

The children are lovely, but I do feel bad for them sometimes. Even thought they are almost always home by then they choose to have me read them bedtime stories and put them to bed 5 nights a week. They will come down and kiss them goodnight but that's it. It's not the choice that I would make with my children, but they are not mine.

So sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like how 15:19 framed her answer. I'm an MB, and while we don't use a nanny on the weekends, having a nanny is definitely a luxury that affords us peace of mind. We pay guaranteed hours that very often exceed our actual need. But when we need the maximum back-up we have it - in a way that is completely comfortable and normal for the kids. When we don't need all of the hours the nanny gets a slightly lighter work week.

The peace of mind it offers me (as a working mom who travels for work) is well worth the cost. The judgment of others on how they decide to characterize our parenting is tough. But our kids are happy, well-loved (including by their nanny), well-adjusted, and safe. Always.

That trumps everything else for me. So butt out of your family member's business OP. I know you say you aren't judging but it certainly reads judgmentally - so I guarantee they can smell it from you. It isn't helpful. Leave them alone.

Your situation isn't the same at all. You aren't using a nanny when you are home in the weekends, or during other non-working hours, so you can't compare at all!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like things were for wealthy families years ago. Kids were raised by nannies, and put it an appearance at times it was deemed necessary.

[Anonymous]

Many people (nannies) have no idea what it takes to be a top level professional. It is all consuming. There are issues and problems and concerns that you can't even begin to imagine. Most of these jobs aren't "family friendly". Doesn't mean that these professionals shouldn't have families. It just means that their method of child-rearing or spotty appearances seems unusual to normal middle class people.

But many of these people (myself included) believe we have a calling. The success of our companies means jobs for thousands of people and therefore, we are supporting families much bigger than our own, and providing good opportunities for everyone. Being around to wipe a kid's butt is not as important as teaching them by example the benefit of good work ethic and using your gifts to the best of your ability. There are several reasons why the greatest indicator of children's success if their parents' education level and success- many of which aren't apparent to nannies and others.

[Anonymous]

While my husband was deployed, I had someone here from 7-7 every day, including weekends. During the week, most of the day I had two people scheduled. So, we had our full time nanny M-F 8:30-5, morning person 7-12, and afternoon person 2-7.

On the weekends, a friend's teenage daughter came to stay with us from about 9am Saturday to 7pm Sunday. If she wasn't available, I hired my regular people in shifts to cover the weekend, or had a couple of other people to call.

We have four children, only one school aged last year. The baby was very young, and still waking up all night. This was more coverage than I needed most days, but we have no family here and are relatively new to the area. I wanted to be 100% certain that we had coverage for the 4-5 hours/day I work, and that I had back up if someone was out sick or took a day off. On the weekends, I just wanted a second set of hands, so a teenager was fine.

I still felt like I was scrambling for coverage sometimes, but it took away a lot of stress having these people in place. Since the only way we were going to get part time people to commit was to offer them enough hours, the morning and afternoon people also did some housekeeping, which was a real luxury for a very tired mom.

It was crazy expensive, but we won't ever have to do it again since the next time he deploys we'll have older kids. I'd still hire some extra help, but I wouldn't need the all day, overlapping coverage just to work my part time job, and still spend time with my kids.