Kids Raised By Sitter?

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom with a demanding career (banking) and one 1 year old. I have 24/7 household help including nights, weekends and most public holidays.

The women helping me are not raising or rearing my child - they are helping me parent. It is not necessary for me to be with him 24 hours a day in order to be called a parent. And besides, every minute I spend with my baby is positive quality time, I spend about 2 hours a day with him weekdays breastfeeding, playing, reading to him (I work from 730am to 6pm)
On weekends I also take him to museums, the park, play dates etc so it's about 6 hours a day I spend with him on my rest. The rest of the time there is help as well. I outsource most of the unpleasant tasks such as waking up nights or trying to get him to eat veggies and sometimes even changing nappies.

I love and enjoy being his parent and at the same time I am able to focus on work and also still have a social life. Having almost 24/7 nanny coverage enables this. I don't believe I have to be fatigued, frazzled and frustrated from being with my baby every minute I'm not at work in order to qualify to be considered as raising my own child. As long as my child's emotional & physical needs are met - who are you to judge how?

OP you need to focus on your own life and stop being judgemental of other people's choices! Especially when you have no clue what their lives are really like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom with a demanding career (banking) and one 1 year old. I have 24/7 household help including nights, weekends and most public holidays.

The women helping me are not raising or rearing my child - they are helping me parent. It is not necessary for me to be with him 24 hours a day in order to be called a parent. And besides, every minute I spend with my baby is positive quality time, I spend about 2 hours a day with him weekdays breastfeeding, playing, reading to him (I work from 730am to 6pm)
On weekends I also take him to museums, the park, play dates etc so it's about 6 hours a day I spend with him on my rest. The rest of the time there is help as well. I outsource most of the unpleasant tasks such as waking up nights or trying to get him to eat veggies and sometimes even changing nappies.

I love and enjoy being his parent and at the same time I am able to focus on work and also still have a social life. Having almost 24/7 nanny coverage enables this. I don't believe I have to be fatigued, frazzled and frustrated from being with my baby every minute I'm not at work in order to qualify to be considered as raising my own child. As long as my child's emotional & physical needs are met - who are you to judge how?

OP you need to focus on your own life and stop being judgemental of other people's choices! Especially when you have no clue what their lives are really like.

No dog in this fight but a one-year old gains nothing from museums. Or from playdates. He just wants to be with you. If you spent that time hanging out in his room, it would be just as fun for him.

[Anonymous]

I'm a MB and we are not quite in the situation OP described, but are getting there. We have a PT nanny on weekday afternoons who sits 1-2 Saturday afternoons a month (for date night), but are planning to get full-time coverage (7-7) on weekdays and regular part-time help on Saturdays. I know some people would think it's excessive because I'm a SAHM and we have only one toddler child. But the fact is that I'm essentially a single mother as DH is a big law partner (not PP's employer, though!) and is on call 100% of the time. We have no family in the area. Getting full-time help isn't so I can spend minimal amounts of time with DC at my convenience, it's for backup when we need it, which hopefully will not be most of the time. I know there are plenty of SAHMs out there who don't have any help and I applaud them. But if we can afford an extra set of hands, why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom with a demanding career (banking) and one 1 year old. I have 24/7 household help including nights, weekends and most public holidays.

The women helping me are not raising or rearing my child - they are helping me parent. It is not necessary for me to be with him 24 hours a day in order to be called a parent. And besides, every minute I spend with my baby is positive quality time, I spend about 2 hours a day with him weekdays breastfeeding, playing, reading to him (I work from 730am to 6pm)
On weekends I also take him to museums, the park, play dates etc so it's about 6 hours a day I spend with him on my rest. The rest of the time there is help as well. I outsource most of the unpleasant tasks such as waking up nights or trying to get him to eat veggies and sometimes even changing nappies.

I love and enjoy being his parent and at the same time I am able to focus on work and also still have a social life. Having almost 24/7 nanny coverage enables this. I don't believe I have to be fatigued, frazzled and frustrated from being with my baby every minute I'm not at work in order to qualify to be considered as raising my own child. As long as my child's emotional & physical needs are met - who are you to judge how?

OP you need to focus on your own life and stop being judgemental of other people's choices! Especially when you have no clue what their lives are really like.

No dog in this fight but a one-year old gains nothing from museums. Or from playdates. He just wants to be with you. If you spent that time hanging out in his room, it would be just as fun for him.

She doesn't know this. She just wants to push something around in a stroller for the requisite 6 hours a week, and then get on with her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to start a debate, I'm just trying to get a better understanding.

As working parents, I understand weekday nannies. But we cherish our time with our children on the weekends. Of course, occasionally we do get a babysitter for Saturday nights, and/or the occasional weekday night. Everyone needs a break.

We have a family member who has a nanny/babysitter for their children almost every single day. They have a sitter on-call every Saturday, and they use her every Saturday in some capacity. Sometimes Sunday, too. It's almost guaranteed that, if you call and talk to these parents, the babysitter is there wrangling the kids.

I'm trying to understand this lifestyle. Why have children if you have no interest in doing anything with them? I'm not judging, or at least I'm not trying to. I just feel for these children who are essentially being raised by a sitter. Can anyone explain?

No. 1. Children are REARED not raised. Vegetables and domestic animals are raised!

No. 2.How other people care for their children is absolutely none of your business.

Do you understand that most criminals had 'unfortunate' childhoods?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to start a debate, I'm just trying to get a better understanding.

As working parents, I understand weekday nannies. But we cherish our time with our children on the weekends. Of course, occasionally we do get a babysitter for Saturday nights, and/or the occasional weekday night. Everyone needs a break.

We have a family member who has a nanny/babysitter for their children almost every single day. They have a sitter on-call every Saturday, and they use her every Saturday in some capacity. Sometimes Sunday, too. It's almost guaranteed that, if you call and talk to these parents, the babysitter is there wrangling the kids.

I'm trying to understand this lifestyle. Why have children if you have no interest in doing anything with them? I'm not judging, or at least I'm not trying to. I just feel for these children who are essentially being raised by a sitter. Can anyone explain?

No. 1. Children are REARED not raised. Vegetables and domestic animals are raised!

No. 2.How other people care for their children is absolutely none of your business.

Humans are animals (mammals) and their children are domestic animals (mammals). Raise them properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom with a demanding career (banking) and one 1 year old. I have 24/7 household help including nights, weekends and most public holidays.

The women helping me are not raising or rearing my child - they are helping me parent. It is not necessary for me to be with him 24 hours a day in order to be called a parent. And besides, every minute I spend with my baby is positive quality time, I spend about 2 hours a day with him weekdays breastfeeding, playing, reading to him (I work from 730am to 6pm)
On weekends I also take him to museums, the park, play dates etc so it's about 6 hours a day I spend with him on my rest. The rest of the time there is help as well. I outsource most of the unpleasant tasks such as waking up nights or trying to get him to eat veggies and sometimes even changing nappies.

I love and enjoy being his parent and at the same time I am able to focus on work and also still have a social life. Having almost 24/7 nanny coverage enables this. I don't believe I have to be fatigued, frazzled and frustrated from being with my baby every minute I'm not at work in order to qualify to be considered as raising my own child. As long as my child's emotional & physical needs are met - who are you to judge how?

OP you need to focus on your own life and stop being judgemental of other people's choices! Especially when you have no clue what their lives are really like.

Sounds to me like you're doing a great job banking mom. Don't lost a minute of time over the nastiness here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom with a demanding career (banking) and one 1 year old. I have 24/7 household help including nights, weekends and most public holidays.

The women helping me are not raising or rearing my child - they are helping me parent. It is not necessary for me to be with him 24 hours a day in order to be called a parent. And besides, every minute I spend with my baby is positive quality time, I spend about 2 hours a day with him weekdays breastfeeding, playing, reading to him (I work from 730am to 6pm)
On weekends I also take him to museums, the park, play dates etc so it's about 6 hours a day I spend with him on my rest. The rest of the time there is help as well. I outsource most of the unpleasant tasks such as waking up nights or trying to get him to eat veggies and sometimes even changing nappies.

I love and enjoy being his parent and at the same time I am able to focus on work and also still have a social life. Having almost 24/7 nanny coverage enables this. I don't believe I have to be fatigued, frazzled and frustrated from being with my baby every minute I'm not at work in order to qualify to be considered as raising my own child. As long as my child's emotional & physical needs are met - who are you to judge how?

OP you need to focus on your own life and stop being judgemental of other people's choices! Especially when you have no clue what their lives are really like.

No dog in this fight but a one-year old gains nothing from museums. Or from playdates. He just wants to be with you. If you spent that time hanging out in his room, it would be just as fun for him.

Yes, but why not a museum? The baby will see colors, shapes, get a glimpse of other babies, hear different sounds, have new people coo over her/him. They are sponges and learn from every experience.

Banking mom, I don't envy your hours but I do envy your ability to have 24/7 coverage. I have a flexible job, a husband with a flexible job, and I'd STILL love to have more help around the house than we can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom with a demanding career (banking) and one 1 year old. I have 24/7 household help including nights, weekends and most public holidays.

The women helping me are not raising or rearing my child - they are helping me parent. It is not necessary for me to be with him 24 hours a day in order to be called a parent. And besides, every minute I spend with my baby is positive quality time, I spend about 2 hours a day with him weekdays breastfeeding, playing, reading to him (I work from 730am to 6pm)
On weekends I also take him to museums, the park, play dates etc so it's about 6 hours a day I spend with him on my rest. The rest of the time there is help as well. I outsource most of the unpleasant tasks such as waking up nights or trying to get him to eat veggies and sometimes even changing nappies.

I love and enjoy being his parent and at the same time I am able to focus on work and also still have a social life. Having almost 24/7 nanny coverage enables this. I don't believe I have to be fatigued, frazzled and frustrated from being with my baby every minute I'm not at work in order to qualify to be considered as raising my own child. As long as my child's emotional & physical needs are met - who are you to judge how?

OP you need to focus on your own life and stop being judgemental of other people's choices! Especially when you have no clue what their lives are really like.

No dog in this fight but a one-year old gains nothing from museums. Or from playdates. He just wants to be with you. If you spent that time hanging out in his room, it would be just as fun for him.

Yes, but why not a museum? The baby will see colors, shapes, get a glimpse of other babies, hear different sounds, have new people coo over her/him. They are sponges and learn from every experience.

Banking mom, I don't envy your hours but I do envy your ability to have 24/7 coverage. I have a flexible job, a husband with a flexible job, and I'd STILL love to have more help around the house than we can afford.

The baby will see this at the neighbor hood park or a walk around the block to. The trip to the museum is nothing more than mom wanting to feel like she's doing something superior for her baby.

[Anonymous]

My husband was raised like this.
He has very fond memories of the nanny who wiped his nose and gave him his baths.
She's the one he calls first for everything. His mom ( single mom by choice so dad has never been around) doesn't know him. The kids are closer to DH's former nanny too It's sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The baby will see this at the neighbor hood park or a walk around the block to. The trip to the museum is nothing more than mom wanting to feel like she's doing something superior for her baby.

Why do you think going to a museum is superior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many people (nannies) have no idea what it takes to be a top level professional. It is all consuming. There are issues and problems and concerns that you can't even begin to imagine. Most of these jobs aren't "family friendly". Doesn't mean that these professionals shouldn't have families. It just means that their method of child-rearing or spotty appearances seems unusual to normal middle class people.

But many of these people (myself included) believe we have a calling. The success of our companies means jobs for thousands of people and therefore, we are supporting families much bigger than our own, and providing good opportunities for everyone. Being around to wipe a kid's butt is not as important as teaching them by example the benefit of good work ethic and using your gifts to the best of your ability. There are several reasons why the greatest indicator of children's success if their parents' education level and success- many of which aren't apparent to nannies and others.

Wow, way to miss the point and insult nannies all in one go.

[Anonymous]

I've worked for a family that had twins and no idea how to cope so they hired 24/7 help. I worked for them when the twins were 9 months and the girl before me had stuffed their sleep patterns, but their older sibling (around 3) had huge sleeping trouble and I think the mum didn't want to make the same mistakes / have 3 children who were all poor sleepers. The dad wanted to be a dad but was of no practical help.

I've worked for a family who had regular help, not quite 24/7 because they had 4 children and Dad's work was busy, mums work required frequent trips away and the grandparents placed demands on the family too.

I guess if you have children and then discover you hate being a parent what do you do? You can't give the kids back. I truly think the best thing in that situation is to hire someone who will love your kids, and help raise them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The baby will see this at the neighbor hood park or a walk around the block to. The trip to the museum is nothing more than mom wanting to feel like she's doing something superior for her baby.

Why do you think going to a museum is superior?

I don't, but banker mom does. It's why she does it to make a show of her parenting her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've worked for a family that had twins and no idea how to cope so they hired 24/7 help. I worked for them when the twins were 9 months and the girl before me had stuffed their sleep patterns, but their older sibling (around 3) had huge sleeping trouble and I think the mum didn't want to make the same mistakes / have 3 children who were all poor sleepers. The dad wanted to be a dad but was of no practical help.

I've worked for a family who had regular help, not quite 24/7 because they had 4 children and Dad's work was busy, mums work required frequent trips away and the grandparents placed demands on the family too.

I guess if you have children and then discover you hate being a parent what do you do? You can't give the kids back. I truly think the best thing in that situation is to hire someone who will love your kids, and help raise them

In the case of the families you mentioned they should have stopped with one kid, and you can give children up for adoption to people who actually want to love them and will be permanent fixtures in their lives and not just paid to care.