Took a new job and am lost

[Anonymous]

Hi Nannies,
I never had to take care of very stubborn children before, and am not sure how to go about it. They have 4 kids, and it's me and a second nanny.
I'm working in the afternoon only, and the other nanny is there full time all day long.
One of the daughters sometimes likes to play nicely, but then just starts screaming at us and doesn't want us to do anything with her.
The other daughter is pretty good, until it's time for bath and bed time, and she just refuses to do anything and screams. I try to be funny, do even give her her iPad (like the mom suggested), I try to play her favorite games, I leave her alone, and nothing works. I feel like a loser lol never had this problem before. On top of that the grandparents and parents are pretty much always around. They have 4 kids in total. The girls are under 5. I heard that all nannies come and go and nobody can handle them, even the other nanny just told me she used to cry the first week... I wish I knew that before I started, as I canceled 2 other jobs for this one. Don't get me wrong, I really like this job and am trying to make it work, I just don't know how.
I'm used to playing, baking brownies cupcakes, make smoothies, do arts projects, ride bikes, go to outings...like just be fun, but this is so hard.

Any ideas anyone? Please don't tell me that we/I suck, as we are trying hard to do things with them, but all the do is just scream at us.
What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I would look for a job and quit. Start by calling the jobs you turned down and see if they can have you back.

[Anonymous]

How old is the one who screams? I have a 3-year-old girl, and this has been her MO for a couple of months. The tiniest thing not going exactly as she imagined it can set her off. What works for us is a hug, and then disengaging until she calms down. If it's a bad tantrum, or she's throwing things, I'll put her in her high chair or in her room to calm down. Sometimes it takes a little while.

Bedtime. Can you come up with an incentive program? This worked with three of my children. I just typed out little slips of paper with "prizes" on them, and every time we had five good nights of getting ready for bed (sticker for each night), the child could choose a prize in the morning. This was my son, so these prizes wouldn't work for you, but they were: Mommy will come to lunch at school, pick a dollar store item, frozen yogurt after school, Mommy will do a science project with you, help cook dinner, visit the comic book store.

The trick is finding things she likes to do!

Also, if the parents and grandparents are in the way, you're going to have to figure out that piece of it, like scheduling goodnight kisses or something.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear about this op. Unfortunately you may hear a lot of good tips and ideas here but NONE of it is going to work or have an impact unless you are willing to talk to the parents and have them talk to the other adults that are around to let it be known that you and nanny A are in charge when at work. The other adults should stay away for a while (other parts of the house etc) and you all should be taking them out a lot on your own. But unless this happens nothing we say will matter. As long as the kids know grandparents and parents are about consistently they will continue this behavior. Sounds like the parents don't actually "parent".

[Anonymous]

If parents and grandparents are around the young kids are going to act clingy and throw tantrums. There odds are high if getting one adult out of 5 to cave in!

Just needs to be you and the kids. Are any of them in school?? Are you expected to stay in the house all day?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you everybody who responded. I think I figured out the problem. I think the problem is that the parents about the mom especially, always caves in and that's the kids get away with whatever. The girls will be in preschool till 3, and I'm suppossed to pick them up and take them to activities few times a week, but for this and next week the mom canceled for me to do the pick up and she will be doing it. I wish she would explain to them that while me and the other nanny are there, they cannot go to their parents all the time, and the parents shouldn't cave in. Unfortunately, I don't know the parents, I just started this job, so I can't just go and tell her to disappear and take her parents with her. The oldest girl doesn't even care if you say "you can't have the iPad later"(stuff like that worked with other kids all the time), she just says she doesn't want the iPad anyways. I'm so disappointed. Oh well...I will try going there in an hour and see how things will go today. And then tonight, if it didn't go well), I will check up on the other jobs.bthabk you again

[Anonymous]

Put them in time out.

[Anonymous]

I would strongly suggest speaking directly w/the girl's parents & letting them know how challenging it is to get their daughters to listen to you and refrain from yelling all the time.

Maybe they can offer some suggestions for you...??

Or you could draw up some type of behavior chart + offer incentives for good behavior such as an inexpensive toy or a trip to the ice cream parlor.

I hope these suggestions rectify the issue, if not then you may just have to give them your walking papers.

Know that you did everything in your power before tossing in the towel.

Good luck.