No nanny shares get easier?
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Anonymous
| I'ma SAHM who babysits for a friend Monday - Thursday. Both babies are 6 months old. I am SO exhausted. Will this get easier once they can both sit up? My husband is essentially not able to help out as he's very busy finishing his PhD. My friend is a single mom and I will have a hard time telling her I need to stop. She pays me $75/week for 20 hours. Full-time daycare where I live would be $200/week. Keep in mind that I am not living in the DC area. This job is short term. We will be moving next May and my friend will finish grad school. |
Anonymous
| OP here: I meant to write that my husband can't help much in the mornings / evenings. I am not suggesting he should help me take care of both babies. |
Anonymous
| Title should read DO nanny shares get easier ** |
Anonymous
| That sounds exhausting! Since this is short term, and essentially a favor, what about asking her to take your child 3-4 hours each weekend? So you can accomplish some things that are difficult with two kids around. That could be both in lieu of more pay, and might give her a bit more appreciation for what a huge favor you are doing. |
Anonymous
| $75 a week is not reasonable. She needs to get a day care voucher. |
Anonymous
Yes I agree. I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to this. I also freelance part-time from home ( evenings/ weekends) and my salary is much more than this. I feel that her son is getting better childcare with me vs daycare. He takes great naps whenever he's tired in a crib. I can give them both more one on one time. I also have Montessori training. I don't use TV or confine babies in baby seats/ bay walkers. It's going to be so hard to talk to her about this though. This is my third week. |
Anonymous
Before you talk to her, decide if there are circumstances under which you would continue, such as more money or trading babysitting hours (which might be useful to you so that you can work, too). If you really just want to undo the share, start there and don't let her think there's a way to make it work. However, as a mom of 4, I will say that you are on the cusp of everything getting much, much easier. They should be settling into nap routines, and you should be able to get them to nap at the same time and for 1-2 hours in the morning. If you go the baby led weaning route, feeding them becomes an activity that's confined and easy to manage while they play/chew on finger foods (the clean up can be more, but they're still in the high chairs). Within the next month, both will be sitting independently, and will be much easier to engage with on the floor. With predictability, it also gets easier to plan your day and get out of the house. |
Anonymous
|
All that physical/mental labor for chump change would make ANYONE tired.
Six-month old babies are surely a huge task!! You are a very good friend OP for doing this for your friend. Being a single mom is really tough, even more so w/twins! However if it is truly too much for you, then you need to talk directly to your friend & let her know how tired you are. She will probably be disappointed since she will now have to pay more for a stranger to care for them, but that is her issue, not your own. Perhaps you can still elect to help her out by agreeing to do one or two days while someone else does the other two. But if you are truly burned out, don't allow yourself to be talked into something you cannot handle! Good luck. |
Anonymous
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So you are essentially charging $3.75 an hour for watching her baby. And if the local daycares charge $200 a week, assuming a child would be there 50 hours a week for a fulltime working parent (8 hour work day plus lunch hour plus commute time), then the daycare is essentially charging $4 an hour. And if the baby was in daycare, there would be a 4 babies to one caregiver ratio probably.
I think I would be doing some recalculating as to rates. Or asking the other mom to do some childcare for you each week, like others suggested. |
Anonymous
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I agree with above posters, you need to figure out what it is that is the biggest problem.
If it's that it's too tough, ask that she takes some time to look after both the kids so you have a break. If the money is too little, then explain to her how much daycare/nanny usually cost and how much better off her child is with you, and 'ask' for a raise. It is tricky when it's friends, good luck! |
Anonymous
| Op here: I told my friend all of this and she kind of blew up on me. Said I wasn't being professional to ask for a raise . |
Anonymous
It's it professional to pay less than minimum wage for childcare either. I would stop watching her child. It sucks that you may lose a friend over it but clearly she's not that good a friend if she blew up at you. |
Anonymous
| It mean it's NOT professional. |
Anonymous
She thought she had child care taken care of, and now she has to scramble again. She lashed out at you -- a lot of nannies can tell you that this has happened to them, too. Hopefully she'll calm down. How much did you ask for? |
Anonymous
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Your arrangement isn't exactly professional - you're doing her an enormous favour, basically. You're in the right here.
Maybe she'll rethink things and get back to you with an apology. Doing anything business like with friends is always a gamble. |