How to be sensitive to favoritism?

[Anonymous]

The parents I work for have both had a really difficult year work-wise. This means that I am working long hours with my 9mo charge and because DC is so young I am definitely the primary attachment figure (It is compounded by the fact that, due to medical issues, MB was unable to breast feed and needed help during maternity leave so I have been with them since DC was 2 weeks old and there's not the "only Mommy smells like breast milk" factor. Now DC is starting to get into the stranger anxiety/clinginess stage and I can tell is going to go to me for comfort more than others, including grandparents and parents most of the time. Anyone been in this situation? I know that this is just a phase and that DC will have a different "favorite" person in a few months, but I don't want my NPs to feel hurt by his behavior/preference.


And please no trolls about how they don't see their kid enough. They are loving and committed and hard-working parents who are just doing their best.

[Anonymous]

Yes, lots of nannies serve as the primary attachment person for the children they take care of. Hopefully, the parents understand that maintaining the stability of a competent and loving caregiver is critical during the foundation years of their child's development.

[Anonymous]

I know I am not the first to deal with this, but it is the first time for me, and I am looking for advice on the best way to respond so that I can support their bond with DC. Parents work from home 1-2 days per week, so they are starting to really see this play out when we are both home together and DC is shy around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I am not the first to deal with this, but it is the first time for me, and I am looking for advice on the best way to respond so that I can support their bond with DC. Parents work from home 1-2 days per week, so they are starting to really see this play out when we are both home together and DC is shy around them.

I don't think you should respond to their child's attachment to you.

[Anonymous]

Step 1: Get over yourself. You aren't the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Step 1: Get over yourself. You aren't the parent.

Step 2: Learn to read, pp.

[Anonymous]

Step 1: Get over yourself. You aren't the parent.


Why does someone always have to nasty? Op is looking for guidance on handling a tough situation. She wants to do a good job.

OP- don't say anything to the parents unless you have to. The favoritism phase will pass. It may feel awkward but if you work for a good family, they will appreciate how much their baby loves you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Step 1: Get over yourself. You aren't the parent.


Why does someone always have to nasty? Op is looking for guidance on handling a tough situation. She wants to do a good job.

OP- don't say anything to the parents unless you have to. The favoritism phase will pass. It may feel awkward but if you work for a good family, they will appreciate how much their baby loves you.

It's not a tough situation. OP thinks children that arent hers favor her more than their own parents, she needs to get over herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step 1: Get over yourself. You aren't the parent.


Why does someone always have to nasty? Op is looking for guidance on handling a tough situation. She wants to do a good job.

OP- don't say anything to the parents unless you have to. The favoritism phase will pass. It may feel awkward but if you work for a good family, they will appreciate how much their baby loves you.

It's not a tough situation. OP thinks children that arent hers favor her more than their own parents, she needs to get over herself.

FYI, lots of children are primarily attached to their primary caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step 1: Get over yourself. You aren't the parent.


Why does someone always have to nasty? Op is looking for guidance on handling a tough situation. She wants to do a good job.

OP- don't say anything to the parents unless you have to. The favoritism phase will pass. It may feel awkward but if you work for a good family, they will appreciate how much their baby loves you.

It's not a tough situation. OP thinks children that arent hers favor her more than their own parents, she needs to get over herself.

This isn't something I am misperceiving because I am self-important. This kid sees parents for maybe an hour a day (a few minutes in the morning, maybe 2 15-minute breaks durinf the day, and a few minutes at bedtime) on the days one of the parents is working from home. If they are in the office, he sees them for 15 min max. On weekends, they are scrambling to run errands, work out, etc. and they also have more work to do, so he sees them for maybe 4 hours per day. He has slept through the night from 7-7 in his own room since 4 months, so there are no midnight wakings where they get to see him. I see him about 35 waking hours per week around naps. Parents see him about 10 hours per week. Understandably, he is more familiar and comfortable with me because he doesn't yet have the language skills or understanding to get their importance is more than mine. I am looking for how to build that relationship and to deemphasize my relationship without hurting anyone's feelings, including DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step 1: Get over yourself. You aren't the parent.


Why does someone always have to nasty? Op is looking for guidance on handling a tough situation. She wants to do a good job.

OP- don't say anything to the parents unless you have to. The favoritism phase will pass. It may feel awkward but if you work for a good family, they will appreciate how much their baby loves you.

It's not a tough situation. OP thinks children that arent hers favor her more than their own parents, she needs to get over herself.

This isn't something I am misperceiving because I am self-important. This kid sees parents for maybe an hour a day (a few minutes in the morning, maybe 2 15-minute breaks durinf the day, and a few minutes at bedtime) on the days one of the parents is working from home. If they are in the office, he sees them for 15 min max. On weekends, they are scrambling to run errands, work out, etc. and they also have more work to do, so he sees them for maybe 4 hours per day. He has slept through the night from 7-7 in his own room since 4 months, so there are no midnight wakings where they get to see him. I see him about 35 waking hours per week around naps. Parents see him about 10 hours per week. Understandably, he is more familiar and comfortable with me because he doesn't yet have the language skills or understanding to get their importance is more than mine. I am looking for how to build that relationship and to deemphasize my relationship without hurting anyone's feelings, including DC.

Just stop overthinking it, you arent more important to him than his parents.

[Anonymous]

We're speaking about attachment here, pp, not "importance". Get over yourself already.

[Anonymous]

Just a quick note to the trolls here: I am an MB and a child psychologist. OP isn't wrong that attachment issues can be awkward (even when predictable). You all push for negativity in every corner you can find it, even in the face of an earnest inquiry. Jerks.

OP, good luck. Its normal and a securely attached baby (no matter if there are shifting attachment figures) will be fine over time. You are thinking about all the right things...it will be fine if you work for a good family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a quick note to the trolls here: I am an MB and a child psychologist. OP isn't wrong that attachment issues can be awkward (even when predictable). You all push for negativity in every corner you can find it, even in the face of an earnest inquiry. Jerks.

OP, good luck. Its normal and a securely attached baby (no matter if there are shifting attachment figures) will be fine over time. You are thinking about all the right things...it will be fine if you work for a good family.

+1,000,000

Very well said. Thank you so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a quick note to the trolls here: I am an MB and a child psychologist. OP isn't wrong that attachment issues can be awkward (even when predictable). You all push for negativity in every corner you can find it, even in the face of an earnest inquiry. Jerks.

OP, good luck. Its normal and a securely attached baby (no matter if there are shifting attachment figures) will be fine over time. You are thinking about all the right things...it will be fine if you work for a good family.

Thank you. Is there anything special I should do or avoid doing in your opinion? I try to talk about parents during the day, we look at photos and they recorded some videos of themselves so we say "hi" that way on day when they won't see him much. When they are going to be around I try to build it up and get excited to see them so that he will feed off of that positive energy. Any other ideas or tips?