Need help on how to leave a nanny share as the Host family
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Anonymous
| DD will be entering preschool in the fall. I have hosted the nanny share, full time at my house for the past 1.5 yrs. DD loves the share, the nanny and other child but DD is ready to move on and so am I. I'm tired of feeling like my home is a daycare even though that is what I agreed to but most importantly I think DD is ready for more social interaction. Not to mention the share is very expensive for us and we would save considerable $ in the preschool. Even though I'm over the share I want to do right by all parties and end the share on a good note. DD won't start until fall but I want to give the family and the nanny notice soon so that would give everyone ample time to find another arrangement. Should I tell other family first since we found each first then found the nanny together or should I tell everyone at the same time? I would tell both parties in person and understand that by tell them 3 months in advance I run the risk of them finding an alternative before the fall therefore leaving me without care but I have thought of a back up plan for that if it comes to that. How do I end this properly and stay on good terms with all involved? |
Anonymous
| tell both parties ASAP and the same day |
Anonymous
| I think your bigger risk is that the other family will find alternative care, but you will have given the nanny three months notice. That is by far the nicest way to do this, but recognize that if you do it this way, you are essentially promising the nanny that you will continue to employ her until the fall. Can you afford her single child rate for however long? |
Anonymous
| Some preschools have summer programs. So you can see if the nanny or other family do bail on you before the fall, you can start the preschool a little earlier than planned. |
Anonymous
| OP here, thanks for your feedback. I am REALLY stressing about the whole situation mainly because I don't know if I should tell the family first and give them a chance to figure out what they want to do (keep the nanny and find another family or go to preschool) OR tell everyone at the same time? I think the nanny MIGHT have an idea it is coming but I think the other family will be totally blindsided. For that reason I'm thinking I might tell the other family first, give them a weekend to process it then tell the nanny the Monday after I tell the family. Is this unethical? I just figured IF the other family wants to keep the nanny and find another family that would be way better for the nanny and would soften the blow when I deliver the news. Please help. I want to be fair to everyone. |
Anonymous
How much do you "trust" the other family to be fair to the nanny? Can they afford to maintain the nanny's current hourly rate? |
Anonymous
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You want to be out by the fall, right? I think the person to tell first is the nanny. She may have a preference about whether to continue as a share with a new family (if family B is interested) or not. Once you know what the nanny's preference is, then you can go to family B and say you're leaving the share in the fall, but here are their options (nanny would like to find a new family, nanny only wants to work for one family, nanny is also going to leave in the fall, whatever they might be).
Then I think you need to leave it to family b and the nanny to figure out how to proceed since they are the ones who might be staying together. |
Anonymous
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Good for you OP for wanting to keep your side of the street clean!
To avoid burning bridges, I strongly advise you to speak to both the other family as well as the nanny stat. It is tougher to find another family to the share since so many things need to on the same page. I.e., parenting philosophies, days/hours & most importantly pay. Plus it is very considerate to tell them as soon as you know so they won't have the added stress about finding a replacement so soon. |
Anonymous
| OP here, thanks for feedback. I will plan to tell both other family and nanny stat so they can figure out what they want to do BUT keep in mind I still want to keep the arrangement as is until August. How can I be fair and also keep the arrangement as is until August? I want to be fair but I don't want to screw myself over. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
Are you willing to pay each party a bonus to not change the arrangement until August? |
Anonymous
The answer is: you cannot. If I were the other family, and I was not going to do preschool in the fall, there is no way I would tie myself to your school date. I would start looking ASAP, and try to make it work for August, but if another share was available before that, that's what I'd do. And if I was the nanny, I would be worried about securing a job, period. It would have to be one hell of a bonus to tie me to an August date, though that is, at least, the time when a lot of people need someone. I thought you said you had a plan if the share fell apart before then? |
Anonymous
| OP here, the plan is the share falls apart before the preschool start date in august I will either to summer camps or call in a grandparent for a month. I feel confident neither the host family or the nanny will find another arrangement before the end of june. So worst case scenario I anticipate need the backup plan for a month only. The backup is not ideal at all but on the bright side my family would save money which never hurts. |
Anonymous
| OP again , the bigger question is do I tell the other family a few days before the nanny in order to give them time to gather their thoughts or do I tell all parties at the same time ? What would you want if you were the nanny/other family? |
Anonymous
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I thought you were the host family, OP?
I think that both would prefer to be told first. However, since you hired the nanny as a "team" together, I think it makes the most sense to tell the other family first. The one thing you should not let happen is for the other family to ask you to wait to tell the nanny for some unspecified length of time while they think it over or look for alternatives. Tell them you're planning to tell her on X date, and you're hoping they'll know what their plans are by then so you can tell her that, too. If they don't know, they'll need to discuss it with her. |
Anonymous
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Tell them all at the end of the week. Then they can all process over the weekend.
Why not tomorrow? |