How to end nanny share but keep the nanny?

[Anonymous]

We have been in a share with our neighbors for about 5 months now. We found our nanny together and I went back to work first, so we started with the nanny about 2 months prior to the other family. The other mom and I seemed to be on the same page about our expectations and parenting styles, but it's becoming clear that we are not. We are pretty go with the flow parents and it's become quite clear that the other family is not go with the flow, and prefers a much more structure. They are also extremely concerned about germs/illness, which is understandable, but only up to a certain point. The other mom showed concern for my daughter while she was ill (and I stayed home for almost a week to take care of her), so I shared what was wrong. I found out later that she called her pediatrician and gave my daughter's symptoms and used the information from her pediatrician to argue with me that my daughter shouldn't return to the nanny share, even though my daughter's pediatrician said she wasn't contagious and was fine to return. It's hard to put into words how inappropriate I found this to be.

Does anyone have any tips for how to end a nanny share when the family you share with lives on the same block? I'd like to keep our nanny (and she's told me that she is also frustrated with them and would like to stop working for them but stay with us) and we are willing to pay her more to keep her on our own. I would want to give them a good chunk of notice (a month?) so that they could make other arrangements; I don't want to leave them high and dry. The other mom has mentioned multiple times in many contexts that her sister is a lawyer, and I worry that she would try to sue us for breach of contract if we keep our nanny. I would just like some advice on the best way to end a share when only one party (plus the nanny) wants it to end. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Do you have separate contracts? What do they say? What rules are there for dissolving the share?

I'm not sure what they could sue you for if you follow the rules you guys set up. If there are no rules, then they can try to sue you, but would also have to both prove damages and prove that they couldn't mitigate those damages.

For example, if the contract was for a year, with no clause about ending it early, they might could sue you for the money it cost them to find a new nanny, but they couldn't just not look for a new nanny and then charge you for their time off work to care for their child.

[Anonymous]

They cannot sue either you or the nanny, but being next door neighbors can be mighty uncomfortable. Glad I am not in your shoes OP - I don't see a way that won't hurt the relationship.

[Anonymous]

If the nanny agrees with you, that's good. I would suggest that you approach it from the standpoint that you want to have a discussion with them. You wanted to try a nanny share, but you don't think it's working out well. Express that you are afraid your daughter might get sick again, and you wouldn't want their child exposed, but you can't afford to take a week off again. Etc. Anything that you can express to show differences or hardship for one or both families, as long as you keep from casting any blame.

[Anonymous]

They can't do anything about their employee wanting to resign. She could have a number of reasons for this and they would just have to accept it and find other care.

[Anonymous]

If your nanny is willing to do it, the least awkward thing (for you) would be for the nanny to tell the family they're fired. Then you explain that, you're sorry, but you're very happy with the nanny. Nanny might be willing if she'd really like to stop working for them (plus the pay bump).

(Obviously this is completely the coward's way out and I wouldn't recommend it EXCEPT that they live on your block and your kids may end up as friends. Especially if you both own/have no plans to move, your relationship with them will likely way outlast the one either of you have with the nanny.)

[Anonymous]

Eh, lawyer here, and I think the likelihood of her sister suing you is pretty slim-to-none. Check your contract, does it say anything about giving notice? If so, follow those rules. Be honest if you want "This just isn't working for us, we'd like to try having Nanny work just for us."

Please do not put the nanny in the middle (making nanny fire the other family). It's not her problem that the other family turned out to be weirdos.

You live on the same block, so that might be awkward, but it already sounds super awkward and you will have less interaction with the other family if they're not in your home (or vice versa) every day!

Agree that it was super weird she called her pediatrician. She sounds super high-strung with zero boundaries. She's not going to take the break-up well, but you're probably better off just biting the bullet and doing it.

[Anonymous]

I've had this happen before. As the nanny, what I'd do is give notice to both families, and let the one family know that I'd be happy to continue working with them once the current share ended. We use the notice period to find a new family. If your families aren't friends, I wouldn't worry about it. It doesn't sound like group care will work for this family and they should hire their own nanny.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We have a joint contract, that is set for a year, however, employment in DC is "at-will" (aka, either party can terminate at any time, for any reason). We have a clause mentioning that if a family leaves the share it doesn't automatically void the contract, but that the contract needs to be revised. We have a two week notice period for terminating the employer/employee relationship, but have nothing to address letting one family know they are being terminated from the share. We also have a clause stating that the contract is subject to DC laws and any arbitration or mediation must take place in DC (suggested by my lawyer best friend as the nanny lives in MD and we wouldn't want any legal action taking place in MD). I've already considered and dismissed asking the nanny to quit them. I definitely do not want to place that burden on her; she's gone through enough with having to deal with the other mom every day. Many thanks for all of the replies. We are currently on the house hunt, and kind of hoping that we just find a new place that's a bit far from them so we can take a better cowardly route and dissolve the share that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have a joint contract, that is set for a year, however, employment in DC is "at-will" (aka, either party can terminate at any time, for any reason). We have a clause mentioning that if a family leaves the share it doesn't automatically void the contract, but that the contract needs to be revised. We have a two week notice period for terminating the employer/employee relationship, but have nothing to address letting one family know they are being terminated from the share. We also have a clause stating that the contract is subject to DC laws and any arbitration or mediation must take place in DC (suggested by my lawyer best friend as the nanny lives in MD and we wouldn't want any legal action taking place in MD). I've already considered and dismissed asking the nanny to quit them. I definitely do not want to place that burden on her; she's gone through enough with having to deal with the other mom every day. Many thanks for all of the replies. We are currently on the house hunt, and kind of hoping that we just find a new place that's a bit far from them so we can take a better cowardly route and dissolve the share that way.

So approach the other family and let them know that they have 30 days to find other childcare, because this isn't working out, but you got to know the nanny and really like her. Your contract specifies 2 weeks, they'll be happy to have 30 days.

[Anonymous]

You sound pretty crappy. Your child was sick, you wanted to have both kids together, and the other mom was concerned. She should be concerned. That's unfair of you not to expect her to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty crappy. Your child was sick, you wanted to have both kids together, and the other mom was concerned. She should be concerned. That's unfair of you not to expect her to be concerned.

The pediatrician said the child was no longer sick and no longer contagious. OP's share partner insisted the child remain home after the pediatrician said it wasn't necessary. That's unfair. It's not unfair for OP to expect that the other family would abide by what the pediatrician said.

[Anonymous]

I think I would claim you need more flexibility with a full time nanny so are dropping out - she likely won't want a full time nanny so she'll let go of nanny - and you can grab her. Dropping out is one thing - but trying to take nanny is going to be ugly unless she concedes her to you. (Yes I realize nanny doesn't like them so may quit).
I don't have an issue with a mom calling her ped about an illness exposure. It happens all.the.time in preschool. Larla has hand food mouth and came back with lesions can marlo catch it?? Maybe you need the same illness provisions in contract they schools have - no vomiting and no fever for 24 hours and that's it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I would claim you need more flexibility with a full time nanny so are dropping out - she likely won't want a full time nanny so she'll let go of nanny - and you can grab her. Dropping out is one thing - but trying to take nanny is going to be ugly unless she concedes her to you. (Yes I realize nanny doesn't like them so may quit).
I don't have an issue with a mom calling her ped about an illness exposure. It happens all.the.time in preschool. Larla has hand food mouth and came back with lesions can marlo catch it?? Maybe you need the same illness provisions in contract they schools have - no vomiting and no fever for 24 hours and that's it

Sounds like the other mom was telling ped that her own child had xyz symptoms though- that's kind of crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I would claim you need more flexibility with a full time nanny so are dropping out - she likely won't want a full time nanny so she'll let go of nanny - and you can grab her. Dropping out is one thing - but trying to take nanny is going to be ugly unless she concedes her to you. (Yes I realize nanny doesn't like them so may quit).
I don't have an issue with a mom calling her ped about an illness exposure. It happens all.the.time in preschool. Larla has hand food mouth and came back with lesions can marlo catch it?? Maybe you need the same illness provisions in contract they schools have - no vomiting and no fever for 24 hours and that's it

Do you have a provision for a single child rate, though? If so, the nanny could be stuck per the contract with the lower rate for family B.