How much guidance (or micromanagement) to give nanny about her interactions with almost toddler?
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Anonymous
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I'm a WAHM with a FT nanny for our 11 month old daughter. Because I'm home most of the time, I know it's easier for me to see and therefore be critical of the nanny compared to other working parents. I try to take a step back and remember this and I managed to be quite happy with how the former nanny interacted with our daughter. She sang and talked to her all the time and was always teaching her new things. A new nanny just started with us and she is very sweet and playful and is always talking and playing with our baby. But I have a few issues:
1. I find her communications to be really limited and repetitive. For example, she sings the same three songs, "Twinkle Little Star," "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" and "Happy Birthday..." even though it's not my daughter's birthday! I think she sings Happy Birthday because she doesn't know other songs. Would it be all right for me to suggest to the nanny that she learn and sing other songs to my daughter? Her verbal interactions are also limited. I know it's hard to be varied communicating with a baby that doesn't talk back, it takes effort, but I do it and her former nanny did it, too. Would it be okay for me to suggest that she try to find more things to say to my daughter so she's using a greater variety of words? And how can I make the suggestion in a way that will help her work on this? For example, make my suggestion less conceptual and more concrete. 2. When the nanny sings, she sometimes will play one of my daughter's play instruments, e.g., piano, but not the actual melody, just random keys. It sounds terrible and it even makes her singing more off-key. I know good music can benefit children, but maybe bad music can hurt them...? I'm only half-joking, I do wonder if all that dissonant random cr*p she plays grates on my daughter, maybe subconsciously. Goodness knows it grates on my nerves! Not to mention it distracts me when I'm trying to work. Would it be rude to tell the nanny that while it's okay for her to play the instrument a little to encourage my daughter to play, that she should not keep playing? And that if she knows how to play melodies, she's welcome to, but not to play randomly? I know I sound like a Type-A crazy mom and yes, I am! I do try to be a nice employer, which is why I'm here to get advice from more reasonable people than myself! |
Anonymous
| Not sure if this a joke or serious, but have you considered enrolling them in a music class? |
Anonymous
| OP here. I'm being totally serious. We hired a nanny with six years of experience, she is not American but raised in an English-speaking country from the Caribbean. I would expect her to know more than just three children's songs (okay, maybe four, including Are you Sleeping, Brother John). Maybe my expectations are a little high when it comes to music? What about the other stuff, such as using more varied language when speaking to my daughter? |
Anonymous
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I would not be concerned about the off-key singing and instrument-playing at all. I'm also not too concerned about the singing only a few songs. Maybe you can buy a couple of CDs and ask your nanny to play them so your DD can hear the music? Nanny will then learn the words by listening to the songs, and maybe will start adding those into her repertoire!
Re: the limited interactions, this would concern me a bit. I only have one child, who is now 2, but she is very verbal and I totally credit my nanny for this- our nanny talks to her CONSTANTLY and has since she was a baby. So, I would encourage her to talk as much as possible to your DD. You could even find and send her a news article about the benefits of talking to babies, etc.- maybe it would encourage her? |
Anonymous
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Now I've really heard it all..."My nanny sings to my baby but I don't like the songs and she's not very good at playing a toy piano, help!!! Can I make her take voice and music lessons??"
Absolute definition of first world problems. |
Anonymous
| 17:10 - OP here. I never asked about getting the nanny music lessons. That would be pretty funny! |
Anonymous
| You honestly expect all na,nues to be musically inclined? Hire a piano/voice teacher for $120 an hour. |
Anonymous
Absolutely agree with you. |
Anonymous
| Tell her you are sick of Happy Birthday and can she please sing songs from her culture/country. Not everyone is a good singer. |
Anonymous
| Is she a native English speaker? How fluent is she? |
Anonymous
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I'd start by offering to stream pandora stations. And why does it have to be specifically children's music? Do that and you're kid will be six and demanding a very limited kind of music in the car. Expose to all kinds of music with clean lyrics.
I don't blame you for being annoyed by the toy instruments. Just hide them or explain to her that they distract you when you're working and please limit their use (but I'd just put them away and if she asks just say they annoy you while you're working so you put them away until baby is older.) Definitely ask her to sing some songs from her culture. Keep in mind not everyone is musical or loves music so she may legitimately not know any other songs. Teach her some songs that are the same tune as happy birthday but different words. |
Anonymous
| Get some children's cd's suggest to your nanny that she should use them during playtime |
Anonymous
| No. You should back off. Craziness like this is why people don't want to work for work at home parents. If she is otherwise good, it isn't a big deal. Don't alienate her because you don't have a desirable position to offer someone else, between the work situation and the pickiness. |
Anonymous
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OP your questions are valid but you should already know many experienced nannies won't even work in a home where mom is home all day. Sounds like you and your previous nanny had a great personality match and in your situation this is vital. Being the second nanny is a real challenge especially for the nanny as she knows she will be compared to the nanny you loved.
Another thing your child will pick up on the negative vibe you are showing. IMO if you start being that critical OP to your nanny that she does not show singing or music talent then it sounds like you do not have a compatible match with the nanny you hired. |
Anonymous
While I can kinda see your side of things, I think you are waaaay over-thinking this to death & beyond. Your honesty is refreshing since not that many mothers like to admit that they may be a little cray cray. 
I think you should put on some white noise, close the door and actually WORK. If you are noticing these types of things, you really need a focus more on doing a good job vs. making sure your nanny is. 
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