Do I buy a gift for a wedding I'll be accompanying NF to?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my NF for 3 years. They've asked me to accompany them to family wedding in order to help with my charges. My MB, DB and oldest charge are in the wedding. I'll be attending in order to help with my youngest charge and to take both children back to the condo while my employers stay at the reception. The bride is DB's sister. We've become friendly over the years and I like her very much. I'm not sure what the appropriate thing to do is regarding purchasing a gift. Am I exempt since I will only be there to work? While I'm friendly with the bride, we aren't so friendly that she would invite me otherwise. I feel awkward not giving anything. What's the right thing to do in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Are you going to be eating dinner at reception /is there seating reserved for you? If so I would get a small gift. Skip the gift otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I would probably give a card. If you want to give a small gift, it would be a nice gesture, but I don't think it would be expected.

[Anonymous]

Well, you're there to work so I wouldn't get a gift.

[Anonymous]

And if you do eat there, I think it's on mb and db to offset your plate with a gift.

[Anonymous]

I would probably bring a small gift for them....Something along the lines of thirty dollars along with a lovely card.

However they probably are not going to expect a present, but I would just feel weird showing up empty-handed.

[Anonymous]

No gift! You are not a guest, you're working. There is no rule that you must offsef the cost of your meal, but if anyone should, it would be your employers' responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I would not. I also wouldn't feel weird not bringing one, most people send gifts ahead anyway so it isn't like everyone will actually have a gift in hand there. I highly doubt they're expecting anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No gift! You are not a guest, you're working. There is no rule that you must offsef the cost of your meal, but if anyone should, it would be your employers' responsibility.

Agree with this generally but I would feel weird not bringing a gift of at least a card if I knew the bride well as OP mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not. I also wouldn't feel weird not bringing one, most people send gifts ahead anyway so it isn't like everyone will actually have a gift in hand there. I highly doubt they're expecting anything.

This. They will have a million other things to think about, and whether her brother's nanny gave them a gift will not be one of them. What she will notice is that everyone, including her brother and his wife were able to enjoy the celebration and that you were there to keep the children entertained and we'll behaved.

[Anonymous]

Were you invited, or did NF tack you on so that you can work? If you were invited, yes, you need to get a gift. If you were tacked on and not specifically invited, you're there to work, and wouldn't be going if you weren't going, so no gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you invited, or did NF tack you on so that you can work? If you were invited, yes, you need to get a gift. If you were tacked on and not specifically invited, you're there to work, and wouldn't be going if you weren't going, so no gift.

She said she was invited for the purpose of working and would not have been invited otherwise. To me that says the NF tacked her on. It doesn't really matter if they then chose to send a formal invite to be polite - she was invited to work and would not have been invited just to be a guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No gift! You are not a guest, you're working. There is no rule that you must offsef the cost of your meal, but if anyone should, it would be your employers' responsibility.

Agree with this generally but I would feel weird not bringing a gift of at least a card if I knew the bride well as OP mentioned.

I don't know that she knows her that well. She said they're friendly, but that doesn't mean friends.

[Anonymous]

No, no, no!

You are working. Do you think the busboys and waiters and bartenders give a wedding gift for each wedding they work? Of course not. Even though you're working for one guest rather than all of them, same concept applies.

Do NOT give cash or a gift. I don't even think you should give a card, but if you MUST okay. If your bosses were not taking their kids, you would not be attending. Thus, you are 100% there to work, not at all as a guest.

[Anonymous]

Good lord NO. You are going to take care of kids a not as a guest. It is immaterial that you have dinner there. Believe me, they think of you as the help, nothing more.