Found out my BF is dying. Do I tell NF?

[Anonymous]

My longtime boyfriend is dying of liver and pancreas failure caused by a disease he was born with. We've been dating for 8 years.
I've been with my NF for over 2 years and we all get along very well.
I found this out within the last week and DB has caught me crying a couple of times when the kids were napping. This was after I'd reviewed calls from BF letting me know what had happened at doctor appointments. I've since asked him not to call me at work, but to wait to tell me these things until I get home. I've stayed very upbeat and happy around the children.
I really try to hold it together and be professional, but it has been very difficult.
What do I tell them, if anything? They know and like my BF and have us over for dinner and parties quite often.

[Anonymous]

Let your NF know about this as it will inevitably effect you, however hard you try to put it aside. That way if you so find you need to take a day off at some point they already have basic info. Allow them to support you if they want to.

I'm so so sorry that this is happening. *hug*

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP.

Do tell your employers, especially given what sounds like a great working relationship that you have with them.

You might also say that you have just found out so were reeling from the shock a bit this week but that you don't plan to be dealing with this (to the extent possible) while you are with the children, and you will be sure not to communicate anything about this in your behavior or interaction with them.

I would suggest that you talk with your employers about the likelihood that you may need some time off to care for and be with your boyfriend. And you should think (if possible) about what that might be. Maybe you can plan to take vacation now, or work a 4 day week for a while or something. Let them help you work through that a bit.

There may also come a time when the kids will need to know something and your employers should have the chance to think about how they want to manage that.

I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Yes tell them! If you were our nanny we would make sure you got time off to spend time with him

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry Op , tell them

[Anonymous]

It's only fair you tell them so they can move on. Please don't expect or make them support you financially through this when you won't be giving 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry Op , tell them

I am so sorry!! tell them ,I hope they'll understand! Being with him in his time of need would last forever! I am So sorry!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's only fair you tell them so they can move on. Please don't expect or make them support you financially through this when you won't be giving 100%.

What the hell is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only fair you tell them so they can move on. Please don't expect or make them support you financially through this when you won't be giving 100%.

What the hell is wrong with you?

How is the nannies BF a concern of the MBs? If it was my nanny I would hope she tells me so we can look for someone because no matter how much I appreciate her work on a good day I can't take off every other day for her to be at the hospital or a wake or funeral. I just don't have that kind of flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only fair you tell them so they can move on. Please don't expect or make them support you financially through this when you won't be giving 100%.

What the hell is wrong with you?

How is the nannies BF a concern of the MBs? If it was my nanny I would hope she tells me so we can look for someone because no matter how much I appreciate her work on a good day I can't take off every other day for her to be at the hospital or a wake or funeral. I just don't have that kind of flexibility.

I'm 15:58 and I'm an MB. I am quite certain I would never react as this poster is. Nor would anyone I know who employs a nanny.

Don't take this ridiculousness to heart OP. It sounds like you have a great relationship w/ your employers and I think a human, caring, warm response from them is likely. Of course they will need to figure out how to work around time off that you will presumably need, but reasonable people do that.

If you worked for me I would absolutely try to make sure you could take time to be with him. I've lost loved ones and there is nothing more important that spending time with them while you can. You and I would figure out together what made sense for you, the kids, us, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only fair you tell them so they can move on. Please don't expect or make them support you financially through this when you won't be giving 100%.

What the hell is wrong with you?

How is the nannies BF a concern of the MBs? If it was my nanny I would hope she tells me so we can look for someone because no matter how much I appreciate her work on a good day I can't take off every other day for her to be at the hospital or a wake or funeral. I just don't have that kind of flexibility.

You need to take a long hard look at yourself and question why you are so heartless, and blind to the things that are important in life. When your time comes you'll want.your family around. Hopefully they find the flexibility to be there for you. You'll also want to be remembered as a good person. Try not being a jackass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only fair you tell them so they can move on. Please don't expect or make them support you financially through this when you won't be giving 100%.

What the hell is wrong with you?

How is the nannies BF a concern of the MBs? If it was my nanny I would hope she tells me so we can look for someone because no matter how much I appreciate her work on a good day I can't take off every other day for her to be at the hospital or a wake or funeral. I just don't have that kind of flexibility.

NP, and I don't particularly agree with this, but I will say it's a good reason why marriage is still important. I'm guessing if it was OP's husband, PP wouldn't have made the same comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only fair you tell them so they can move on. Please don't expect or make them support you financially through this when you won't be giving 100%.

What the hell is wrong with you?

How is the nannies BF a concern of the MBs? If it was my nanny I would hope she tells me so we can look for someone because no matter how much I appreciate her work on a good day I can't take off every other day for her to be at the hospital or a wake or funeral. I just don't have that kind of flexibility.

NP, and I don't particularly agree with this, but I will say it's a good reason why marriage is still important. I'm guessing if it was OP's husband, PP wouldn't have made the same comment.

Which is terribly sad. There may be very good reasons they are not married. What is important here is that it is a close loved one, and after eight years, he may well be her husband via common law. Social constructs should never block love and compassion.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the kind words. We haven't married because he doesn't want to saddle me with his $325,000 in medical bills. That's it. I don't expect my employers to support me financially. It would be nice for them to be kind a bit more flexible than usual, something that I have always been for them. I don't know what I'll need as far as time off.
I expect that I will need a couple of weeks off to handle everything. I don't know how long he has, but he's not doing well right now and it seems to be progressing quite fast.
I set up a time to speak with them after work.

[Anonymous]

Tell them!!! IF they are decent people, they will give you the time off to grieve and be with your BF as much as they are able.

- A MB