MBs - some perspective please?

[Anonymous]

Newly 2 and 4 year old kids. Both still nap. Nanny knows naps are required for the 2 year old and should be attempted for 4 year old. She has asked several times if 2 year old can skip nap and I have said no.

Come home early today and no nanny here. Clear they haven't been home since morning. I'm pretty livid. What would you do? I'm almost certain she spent the day with her family visiting from another country which is not what she told me they'd be doing today.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 4 and 2.5. My two year old naps. The 4 yr old rarely does (like once a month). They run around all day long - the baby naps in her stroller when she's tired. No big deal.

You have two separate issues here:

1. Is the 2 yr old skipping the nap?
2. Is she taking the kids somewhere other than where she told you the kids would be?

I would not be furious over #1. I would be over #2 - I get to know where my kids are at all times.

[Anonymous]

2 year old always naps - has missed maybe two since she was 12 months. And I'd probably be less infuriated if we hadn't had this discussion three weeks ago where I told her no skipping naps.

She says she took them to the mall. And now my four year old is telling me all about the person'a house they went to after the mall. And I specifically asked if the mall was all they did. I think we're done.

[Anonymous]

It's a bad match, OP. This will not get fixed. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Do you give paid time off OP? I feel like its kind of crappy to be mad at someone for wanting to spend time with a visiting relative during the holidays. Have you considered, and I mean this to be helpful, that maybe you have created a relationship where she feels like she can't be honest with you? Yes it's wrong for her to have lied, if she did in fact lie, but maybe you played a role in this too? You sound a bit rigid and uptight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 year old always naps - has missed maybe two since she was 12 months. And I'd probably be less infuriated if we hadn't had this discussion three weeks ago where I told her no skipping naps.

She says she took them to the mall. And now my four year old is telling me all about the person'a house they went to after the mall. And I specifically asked if the mall was all they did. I think we're done.

Your child is old enough to tell you where they went, so the nanny should be aware that your child would tell you about their day. I agree, move on from this nanny. Personally, I wouldn't want to have any kids spend most of the day at the mall, but that's me.

[Anonymous]

The trust is broken and it sounds like it may be beyond repair.

Regardless of whether the OP is rigid or not, it is a problem when someone agrees with you to placate you, and then just turns around and does whatever they want.

I might be rigid too, though. I'm a big believer in protecting my kids' sleep - they are so much more pleasant when they are well rested! I do break the rules for special occasions, but I definitely wouldn't consider "my nanny's whim" to be a special occasion.

If she had family in town that was that important to her to see, she should have just asked for the time off! Obviously if you don't give paid time off that is another issue, but I don't think we can make assumptions about that.

[Anonymous]

Grounds for dismissal. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Why is she hanging at the mall with your kids??!!

And the second time she lied about naps would have been it for me

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. Zero tolerance for dishonesty. That is a fundamental part of having a nanny.

You may be setting yourself up for this kind of nanny if you don't offer PTO days, are extremely rigid and controlling, etc., but those are all thinfs you should work on fixing with the NEXT nanny. THIS nanny lied to you so she is out.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me as if she blatantly lied to you. She told you they would be doing ONE thing yet you suspect she did something else.

First, try to find out for sure that she took them to visit her family. If she denies this, ask your 4 yr. old then.

If it comes out she did, then lied about it, that us perfect grounds for dismissal immediately.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all. For the record, we offer considerable PTO, as well as sick days, and are flexible with her on making up hours if she wants more time off than she has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. For the record, we offer considerable PTO, as well as sick days, and are flexible with her on making up hours if she wants more time off than she has.

That makes the nanny's lying even worse.