WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I work a split shift - before/after school.
Sometimes I stay at work during the day when I don't feel like driving back and forth. I usually bring a book/macbook and do my own stuff until the kids get back from school.
Some days I'm in and out depending on what I have going on that day - appointments, errands, etc.

OK, so today I actually came home because I didn't get much sleep last night, so I thought I would take a nice long nap and clean up my house a bit.
I was trying to sleep when my phone rang. It was from school, the 11 year old girl I take care of called me an left a message if I could bring her shoes for PE and then she would need them for "girls on the run." I didn't pick up the phone because I was already trying to fall asleep (and I didn't recognize the number), but I listened to the voicemail just to make sure it wasn't an emergency. I fell asleep and 15 min later she called from that number again, no voicemail this time.
An hour later, her mom texted me saying that she just got a message from her DD and it was probably too late for PE, but if I could bring her shoes for her after school activity.

Honestly, I'm a little ticked.
I'm not paid to be "on call" and I think this is ridiculous.
If you forget your shoes, your natural consequences are that you can't participate in whatever you are doing.
My scheduled time to be back at work is at 4 and that's when I will have to go to school bring the shoes, because there is no way I'm driving 20 min to work to get shoes and then to school.

I posted here before about kids having no chores and the house being messy.

I do NOT want to enable that child even more.
She is the one who always says "everyone makes mistakes" and "nobody is perfect."

I haven't responded to my MB yet.
It's probably too late for P.E., but I know I will have to take those shoes to school anyway, because after all it's my job and it's my MB's wish to do so.

I just can't watch that child never learning responsibility and always being "bailed out".

(another example a few days ago - she didn't do her homework because she was distracted and next day asked mom to write a note to the teacher, which she did.)

What would you say to MB? Would you just take the shoes and drive to school or try to talk to MB about letting her DD "fail?"

I think it's time to find another job. I will take a day or two to think about it, but I think I will start looking.

[Anonymous]

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WWYD?

"What would you do" (in that situation)

[Anonymous]

I would just say "I'll be happy to bring them to her as soon as I'm back at work."

I'd leave it at that.

If they press you can say
- I'm sorry - I had my phone off because I wasn't working.
- To the girl - Sorry Katy, but you know I don't work those hours.
- To the mom - Well, when I'm not working I often don't keep my phone on or with me.

It doesn't sound like the mom was asking you to do anything on your non paid time so I wouldn't make more of it than it is.

Finding another job sounds like a good idea either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "I'll be happy to bring them to her as soon as I'm back at work."

I'd leave it at that.

If they press you can say
- I'm sorry - I had my phone off because I wasn't working.
- To the girl - Sorry Katy, but you know I don't work those hours.
- To the mom - Well, when I'm not working I often don't keep my phone on or with me.

It doesn't sound like the mom was asking you to do anything on your non paid time so I wouldn't make more of it than it is.

Finding another job sounds like a good idea either way.

OP here.
I said I was not in the area and I wouldn't be there until 4.

And she did mean for me to drop them off ASAP, but the class she needed them for (P.E.) had already started, so it was too late for that anyway..

[Anonymous]

I would respond by stating that you are taking care of personal matters at the moment and unfortunately cannot deliver the shoes until you are scheduled to be back at work.

[Anonymous]

I would ask to sit down with mom and daughter asap. Address the responsibilities of your position, hours (both working and paid on call), child's responsibilities, and anything else necessary. Overall, this position sounds terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask to sit down with mom and daughter asap. Address the responsibilities of your position, hours (both working and paid on call), child's responsibilities, and anything else necessary. Overall, this position sounds terrible.

Mountain out of a molehill?

[Anonymous]

I think you handled this well - not in the area but will do it at 4.

For the larger issue, I would sit down with the mom. Prepare a few examples where the kid doesn't learn any consequences, talk about how that's going to backfire very soon and you don't want to see her learn all this the hard way in a few short years without a safety net. Offer several easy solutions (and they are easy - she forgot shoes, well, tough luck, etc). Don't be confrontational or complain about the daughter, and don't make it about how it's making your job harder - all about the girl and how you want to help her grow into a responsible respectful adult.

Mom's reaction would be a good indicator for you if anything is going to change or it'll be more of the same old. Then you can reevaluate if this position has outlived its course.

[Anonymous]

"I will be happy to take care of this at 4 pm." Nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Forget the fact that the kid is irresponsible. That is their problem.

Decide what your rate is for doing a middle of the day errand. $20? $40? $60? Your time is valuable. Tell MB that if she requires your services during the day, it will cost $x for you to drop everything you are doing. Your time is NOT free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask to sit down with mom and daughter asap. Address the responsibilities of your position, hours (both working and paid on call), child's responsibilities, and anything else necessary. Overall, this position sounds terrible.

Mountain out of a molehill?

OP referenced that she had posted before, and I checked the other posts again before suggesting this. Given everything, yes, they need to talk.

[Anonymous]

If you are not being paid for the hours in between, then you have zero obligation to do anything related to the kids. You can meet a friend for lunch, work out at the gym, see a movie, etc. Lots of stuff.

That is YOUR time.

I honestly wouldn't have done it either.

You can diplomatically discuss your opinion to her mother, hopefully she shares your parenting philosophies. If not, then perhaps you all are just not a suitable match for each other and it is time to move on for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forget the fact that the kid is irresponsible. That is their problem.

Decide what your rate is for doing a middle of the day errand. $20? $40? $60? Your time is valuable. Tell MB that if she requires your services during the day, it will cost $x for you to drop everything you are doing. Your time is NOT free.

Shes sitting at home watching tv or sleeping, she can't help out the woman who pays ALL OPs bills once in a while? Stand your ground OP and don't help out, you'll be back here in a week complaing about how your heartless MB fired you when you have always bent over backwards for them @@

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget the fact that the kid is irresponsible. That is their problem.

Decide what your rate is for doing a middle of the day errand. $20? $40? $60? Your time is valuable. Tell MB that if she requires your services during the day, it will cost $x for you to drop everything you are doing. Your time is NOT free.

Shes sitting at home watching tv or sleeping, she can't help out the woman who pays ALL OPs bills once in a while? Stand your ground OP and don't help out, you'll be back here in a week complaing about how your heartless MB fired you when you have always bent over backwards for them @@

It doesn't matter what she's doing. OP isn't on the clock, she has no responsibility to go out of her way, spend more than an hour (presumably unpaid) to bring something to a child old enough to suffer the consequences when she forgets it.