11 year olds..

[Anonymous]

Do any of you take care of 11 year olds?

One of the kids I take care of is an 11 year old girl.
She recently started her period and she has bad attitude sometimes.
Her mom enables her and is catering to every outburst.
It's making it harder for me to enforce any consequences.

I know that at that age kids want to be more in control of what they do, so I'm looking for some ideas of how to approach the situation with a more positive reinforcement.
So far, she would lose her phone if she didn't do whatever she was supposed to do or for bad behavior. It doesn't happen that often - maybe once a week for a day, which I think is pretty good. Sometimes once every 10 days or so.

One of the issues I'm kind of struggling with is for her to take responsibility for her actions - just say "I'm sorry, I will go do it now" or whatever. Own up, fix it and move on.
But she always has 2 things she repeats when asked about something she was supposed to do but she didn't. She either says "everybody makes mistakes" or "nobody is perfect."
While both of the above are certainly true, she uses them for EVERY situation. Example - yesterday in the morning when she came downstairs, I asked if she made her bed. She said not yet and went back upstairs. Later I noticed that the bed was still not made, so I asked her about it and she responded with "everybody makes mistakes, nobody is perfect."

She doesn't have any responsibilities or chores around the house except for feeding dogs every other day, making her bed, cleaning out her lunchbox after school and making sure her homework is in her backpack when finished and whatever she used for her homework is put away. Oh, and she puts away her clothes after I wash and fold them.
That's it.
I'm not her mom, so I can't assign any chores for her to do and even though she does the above, it was an uphill battle to try to reinforce it.

For those of you who take care of teens/preteens - do you have any tips or advice?

TIA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do any of you take care of 11 year olds?

One of the kids I take care of is an 11 year old girl.
She recently started her period and she has bad attitude sometimes.
Her mom enables her and is catering to every outburst.
It's making it harder for me to enforce any consequences.

A great first step? NOT assuming she's acting up because "she recently started her period."

[Anonymous]

Ugh OP I can relate. I will be following this thread for advice. I nanny for two 13 year olds, and one 14 year old and man does it just get worse. Sometimes they can be so rude and disrespectful, with a super bad attitude. Other days they are more their normal selves and nice to be around. My biggest issue is these kids are spoiled as all get out, and have zero chores or responsibilities at home so I am left doing almost everything. Anytime I ask them to help with something or complete a task, it is met with an eye roll, an argument, or "I will, but later". SOOO frustrating!

[Anonymous]

You need to continue the conversation when she says everyone makes mistakes. "Yes, everyone does, but then they FIX the mistakes. How can you fix this one? I bet you can think of a simple solution."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do any of you take care of 11 year olds?

One of the kids I take care of is an 11 year old girl.
She recently started her period and she has bad attitude sometimes.
Her mom enables her and is catering to every outburst.
It's making it harder for me to enforce any consequences.

I know that at that age kids want to be more in control of what they do, so I'm looking for some ideas of how to approach the situation with a more positive reinforcement.
So far, she would lose her phone if she didn't do whatever she was supposed to do or for bad behavior. It doesn't happen that often - maybe once a week for a day, which I think is pretty good. Sometimes once every 10 days or so.

One of the issues I'm kind of struggling with is for her to take responsibility for her actions - just say "I'm sorry, I will go do it now" or whatever. Own up, fix it and move on.
But she always has 2 things she repeats when asked about something she was supposed to do but she didn't. She either says "everybody makes mistakes" or "nobody is perfect."
While both of the above are certainly true, she uses them for EVERY situation. Example - yesterday in the morning when she came downstairs, I asked if she made her bed. She said not yet and went back upstairs. Later I noticed that the bed was still not made, so I asked her about it and she responded with "everybody makes mistakes, nobody is perfect."

She doesn't have any responsibilities or chores around the house except for feeding dogs every other day, making her bed, cleaning out her lunchbox after school and making sure her homework is in her backpack when finished and whatever she used for her homework is put away. Oh, and she puts away her clothes after I wash and fold them.
That's it.
I'm not her mom, so I can't assign any chores for her to do and even though she does the above, it was an uphill battle to try to reinforce it.

For those of you who take care of teens/preteens - do you have any tips or advice?

TIA.

Natural consequences, and get mom on board with it. If she does the necessary tasks, you are happy to take her wherever she needs or wants to go, you are happy to help her with anything. If she hasn't completed tasks, you aren't available to help because you need to go do the tasks for her. If she is rude or disrespectful, you don't have to accept the behavior and you aren't interested in being around her (ie. no taking her anywhere or helping with anything until she changes her attitude). Put her in control, let her see that her attitude and actions have both positive and negative consequences.

The girl starting her period is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

You need to let her know there is a difference between making mistakes and either lying or choosing to ignore a request that she do something she knows she's supposed to do. Tell her she says "everybody makes mistakes" a lot and she needs to concentrate on not making excuses and learning from her ongoing mistakes. Tell her a person doesn't have to be perfect to be pleasant

[Anonymous]

An 11 yr old does not need a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An 11 yr old does not need a nanny.

An 11 year old may need a nanny.

1. An 11 year old can't drive herself to afterschool activities.
2. An 11 year old can't help herself with homework questions.
3. An 11 year old is not legally allowed to stay overnight by herself.
4. An 11 year old may not be mature enough to stay more than 1 or 2 hours after school by herself.
5. An 11 year old may have a medical condition which makes it impossible for to be by herself at all.

You don't know what the family's situation is. Don't make judgements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An 11 yr old does not need a nanny.

Out of curiosity, since you consider yourself the arbiter of when a child needs a nanny or not, at what age is a nanny no longer needed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An 11 yr old does not need a nanny.

Out of curiosity, since you consider yourself the arbiter of when a child needs a nanny or not, at what age is a nanny no longer needed?[/quote

She may need a governess but not a nanny. There is a definite difference. More importantly, it is a parent's duty to teach independence to their children. This idea of coddling your child until she 21 is ludicrous and is the reason there are so many dysfunctional young adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An 11 yr old does not need a nanny.

Out of curiosity, since you consider yourself the arbiter of when a child needs a nanny or not, at what age is a nanny no longer needed?[/quote

She may need a governess but not a nanny. There is a definite difference. More importantly, it is a parent's duty to teach independence to their children. This idea of coddling your child until she 21 is ludicrous and is the reason there are so many dysfunctional young adults.

A governess doesn't do childcare, a nanny does childcare. If a preteen needs to be driven, needs some homework help (but not tutoring or homeschooling) and/or other nanny duties, she needs a nanny, not a governess.

I do agree that many nannies who work with older kids are actually housekeepers or governesses, depending on the situation. However, that does not mean that all preteens are too mature for a nanny or that all of them are going to be dysfunctional adults.