Vent, WAHD, toddler naps...

[Anonymous]

When I started working with this family last year, I expressed my concerns about working with a WAHD. DB assured me he would hide in his office and stay out of the way. He does fairly well with that, although he tends to go out of the house for meetings every morning, and every time he leaves the house (or comes back home) he walks right through the play area and kitchen (due to layout of house, not his fault), which does disrupt things a little. But mostly, he does try to stay out of the way.

They have twins who are 19 months old. They've always taken a great afternoon nap, but a few weeks ago they started just "playing" with each other (they share a room), and keeping each other awake during nap time, so MB set up a pack n play in MB/DB bedroom, which has blackout curtains, fans, and a white noise machine, just like the kids room. So, every day for the last few weeks I've set them down for nap, after a busy, active morning, with full bellies from lunch, and after our long calm down it's nap time routine. About a third of the time they go to sleep right away. The other 2/3, they scream and "play" and keep each other awake. I give them 15-20 mins, but if they don't settle I go in and put one in the pack n play.

So, every day, DB goes to use the bathroom during nap time. They usually nap from 1:30/2 until about 4pm. DB always goes to the bathroom right around 3. The house has two bathrooms, which are both right next to the master bedroom. So, anyway, as you might've guessed, even with being SO SO SO tired, and even with the fans and white noise on, whichever twin is in the pack n play instantly wakes up when DB uses the bathroom, and won't go back to sleep. It's very frustrating. Whichever twin is in his crib will continue to sleep until 4 every time, but the twin in the pack n play often falls asleep later and then gets woken up first. So, the twin in the crib will get a solid 2 hours of sleep, while the other twin gets an hour or less. Whichever twin is in the pack n play and wakes up first, cries and cries and cries until I go get him. i have a lot of chores I'm supposed to do, and I can't do any of them with a 19 month old around, that's what nap time is for.

I always use the bathroom right when I put them down (before they've fallen asleep), and then wait to use it again until they wake up. I don't think I could possibly forbid DB from using the bathroom at all during nap time; I think he does wait to use it until DURING nap time so he doesn't disrupt us. I think his logic might be that he waits until they're "in the middle of nap" thinking they are less likely to wake up, but clearly that's not the case. They've been telling me lately they're "disappointed" with how naps are going (particularly stating they're disappointed the twins have to be separated at all, but also upset at how one always has a short nap). I feel weird saying "well the nap was short for this twin because DB used the bathroom and woke him up." I feel weird to be put in the position of having to tell DB when he can and cannot use the bathroom. I don't think there is a good solution.

[Anonymous]

Would it be possible to move the twin in the pack n play back to the crib as soon as they are asleep? Personally, I would also skip trying to have both in cribs to start nap, you know it won't work, and make sure that the same twin is in the pack n play every day. If one twin wakes more often when moved than the other twin, that's the twin that stays in the crib.

[Anonymous]

In my house, you get to use and flush toilet anytime day or night. Ridiculous that you seriously think he should plan toilet trips before kids are asleep.

[Anonymous]

Shorten the wind down routine.
Start naps separated put the best napper in pack n play.

[Anonymous]

Since they have already commented on their lack of happiness about one twin's nap time, then you should defend yourself.

Let them know that the wrench is when the father uses the bathroom, the twin in the pack 'n play will always awaken when his father passes through the bedroom.

Stress to them that you are not blaming the father, after all it is human nature to drain the main vein on demand, plus the layout of the house doesn't make this any easier.

Is there another part of the house that you can put up the pack 'n play? To me, that is the only viable solution.

[Anonymous]

Put them down separately upfront, and also possibly inch back the start time for nap a little bit. That way even if he wakes them when he uses the bathroom at three, they will both have closer to two hours. If the parents continue to complain about the fact that one twin is having issues staying asleep in the pack and play, then I would come to them and say "I've been trying to think of anything that could be causing them to wake. I realize they always wake at X time and that the thing that is consistently happening at that time is that DB is taking a bathroom break. " then work together to brainstorm some solutions to the situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny to 15 month old twins. No suggestions on the dad using the bathroom but I agree with everyone saying to start one in the pack and play at the beginning of nap time. That's what I have to do here-they started keeping each other awake around 10 months old so we (parents and me) agreed to move one to another room during nap time (they sleep in the same room at night). It's ALWAYS the same twin in the pack and play-switching them each day will only confuse them. And I always put him in there at the beginning of nap time. That way there's never 20 minutes of hoping they'll fall asleep and then going in to move one. Definitely think about doing it that way. And I agree-put the better sleeper in the pack and play.

[Anonymous]

I would be honest about what is causing the wake up. Surely the dad isn't dumb enough to have put together that the flush is waking the kid, he just needs someone to say it out loud. Also keep them separate or together, but just keep it the same. I am willing to bet they'd fall asleep eventually even in the same room. Go in periodically and shush them. Also try putting them down earlier, like 12:30 or 1, then if it takes a while to settle, they'll still get a solid nap.

[Anonymous]

Is there only 1 crib? Where do the twins sleep at night?

I think you should stop using the pack n play. Maybe talk to a daycare teacher and get some advice? They put 6-12 children down at the same time in the same room.

[Anonymous]

just be direct with them instead of stewing about it. say "dad, could you please try to use the bathroom before or after nap. I've noticed the flushing is what wakes them up. I try to go before they start their nap.

or tell him not to flush (if it's just pee). we have 4 kids and don't flush the toilets when my twins are napping or overnight.