Get Involved Or Stay Out Of It?

[Anonymous]

We have had a our nanny for 3 months since our twins were 6 weeks old. We hired her for her experience caring for multiples as well as caring for children in different stages ( we also have a 17 month old)
During the interview we discussed wanting the kids on a schedule, and she suggested 7 to 7 which we agreed to. Our oldest transitioned to the schedule easily, and nanny managed to get the twins down to two feeds overnights since she's been employed.
The problem is my mother has been with us the last month( both DH and I our in residency) and I have call, we didn't plan on 3 under 2 at this stage in our lives.
The first week nanny and mother butted heads of the the feeding schedule which resulted in a meeting with nanny, in which nanny basically said she needed me to have my mother stick to the schedule.
I talked to my mom.
Now we have a new problem over naps.
Nanny prefers the twins to nap between 4 hours total during her 10 to 12 hour shift, and all naps in their crib, in a dark room, with the sound machine.
Well over the weekend my mom discovered that if we cut naps to 2 to 3 hours they will sleep all night with no wake up, she also nixed the darkening shades and let them have a stroller nap.
This has caused another conflict.
I kind of like the idea of them sleeping all night should I tell nanny to make the switch or just leave it? Also do I address the conflict, my mother leaves in a week?

[Anonymous]

Talk to the nanny. Acknowledge that it's difficult for her to have your mom there. Assure her your mom is leaving in a week. Then tell her that although you know it's more work for her to have the twins awake for an hour or so more, it's better for your family so that's what you'd like her to do. And tell her it's fine for them to have a nap in the stroller.

[Anonymous]

I hope your nanny quits as soon as mommy leaves.
Grow up, OP!

[Anonymous]

Why would you let the twins get used to stroller naps if they're already used to sleeping in their cribs?
You wanted a nanny who would help with getting them on a schedule and now that she has, you let your mom mess it all up.
I think you should have your nanny's back on that. The only think I would change is maybe the extra hour awake time. Just be mindful that they might still wake up at night here and there.

[Anonymous]

There is no way infants this age are going to STN every night. You made a bad choice and I, too, hope your nanny leaves. Your nanny is more important than your busy body, meddling mother. You made a BIG mistake.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want them seeping in the stroller?
That seems like asking for trouble ie what are your plans come winter and they will only sleep in the stroller?

What about your oldest? Is nanny supposed to pop her in the stroller too, just so her younger siblings will sleep?

Also, that extra hour of the twins napping probably allows your oldest to get needed 1:1 time.

Be careful what you wish for , OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way infants this age are going to STN every night. You made a bad choice and I, too, hope your nanny leaves. Your nanny is more important than your busy body, meddling mother. You made a BIG mistake.

[Anonymous]

Either stick with nanny's direction, or prepare yourself for another nanny hunt. Perhaps Grandmother wants the job?

[Anonymous]

I have four children. Three of them slept all night at 3-4 months old when they were very stimulated (like a beach vacation), and then ultimately reverted to night wakings. Cutting the daytime naps down at this age is a mistake. It may work for a day or two, but is unlikely to work long term, and will result in overtired babies who are even harder to put down at night.

However, if you want her to try it, that is entirely up to you and is separate from the mom/nanny dynamic even though mom made the "discovery."

[Anonymous]

Nanny is doing what is in their long term best interest. If you revert to stroller naps now, you are getting a short term decrease in night wakings but are setting up bad sleep habits that will make them worse sleepers in the long run. You can get involved as you wish, but you hired nanny because she knows how to get twin infants on a long-term, sustainable schedule. Either trust her and back her or find a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

If your nanny is in charge, let her do things the way you both wanted. Your mother is simply a visiting guest & unless you authorize her to do so, she really shouldn't be interfering w/the nannies duties.

I can understand you feeling caught up in the middle of things, but you hired your nanny for a reason so let her perform her duties as you are paying her to do.

I understand your mom's point of view, after all, these are her precious grandchildren. But she needs to respect your nanny's boundaries & not interfere. Esp. if she is leaving in a week.

After she leaves, then you + your nanny can sit down and work between yourselves a plan that you can both agree as well as adhere to.

Good luck to both of you.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny who specializes in multiples. Current charges are triplets, but I've taken care of several sets of twins.

Sleep begets sleep. 4 month olds should not be only sleeping 2 hours a day, that is a recipe for overtired and overstimulated babies in the long run. Remind your mother that the only time they can grow (including their brains) is when they sleep.

I would guess them sleeping through the night was either a fluke or possibly because they were fed more during the day those days. In order for them to sleep through the night they have to be getting most of their calories in during the day. This was possibly a side effect from them being awake more with your mom, but it's pretty easy to do even with them napping more. Are you guys keeping a log? If not, it can be really helpful to see how ounces total they are eating in the day and how that affects their nights.

Around this age we switched my charges to a 4 hour schedule and that made a big difference in how much they would eat at each feeding. They started finishing their bottles regularly, which resulted in them eating more calories during the day and started sleeping longer and longer stretches at night. You could also try a dreamfeed around 11PM. It doesn't always work, but I've seen a lot of people have success with it.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Mom of twins here, who also employs a nanny.

Your job is to manage this OP - this isn't a choice. If you want any nanny to stay in the job you need to be sure you are clear in your direction, have the nanny's back when other people are in the house, and you ensure that what you and the nanny have worked out stays in effect.

Period.

Your twins absolutely must be on a schedule - for their health and eveyrone's sanity. Cutting back on naps at this point is a bad idea. Sleeping 12 hours at night is pretty unrealistic at this point - focus on getting 6-8 hours of continuous sleep for right now.

But have your nanny's back. IMO you are breaking one of the critical rules here. Would you want to work in the kind of environment your nanny is enduring?

Your mother is leaving, your nanny is not (hopefully).

[Anonymous]

One thing I hate about nanny job is situation like when grandparents come and mess the whole thing and how come these MB don't tell anything to her mom. I had quit one job because grandmother drive me crazy when MB was not around.....

[Anonymous]

There is some good advise here OP, minus the couple angry posters. One thing I would add is that you should tell your nanny that while you are open to your mother's ideas, you fully support her (the nanny). Maybe give her a small bonus or Starbucks gift card for the extra hassle she has had. Little things like this go a long way. Sounds like you have a great nanny.