How should a nanny bond with a bond?

[Anonymous]

I just went back to work and hired a nanny. She started last Friday. She is great but I'm concerned if my baby doesn't like her. I WAH and I've noticed my baby isn't receptive while playing as he is to my husband and I. The nanny is very active and they do activities like tummy time, using the playmat, playing with toys, reading, singing, and walks. The thing is he will give some smiles but not many. He also isn't vocal with her like he is us. I don't know if this is normal because it's only her second day, or if this means they aren't bonding? Is his typical activities for a 4 month old?

[Anonymous]

4 months old is really young and it is your nanny's second day. It sounds like she's doing a great job and that your baby is warming up to her.

[Anonymous]

parents are crazy.

[Anonymous]

It still too early to get worried, OP, but I have a feeling it will be difficult for any nanny with you at home. Baby and nanny know that you're worried, so it's almost impossible for them to be successful together.

Are you sure you're ready for a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just went back to work and hired a nanny. She started last Friday. She is great but I'm concerned if my baby doesn't like her. I WAH and I've noticed my baby isn't receptive while playing as he is to my husband and I. The nanny is very active and they do activities like tummy time, using the playmat, playing with toys, reading, singing, and walks. The thing is he will give some smiles but not many. He also isn't vocal with her like he is us. I don't know if this is normal because it's only her second day, or if this means they aren't bonding? Is his typical activities for a 4 month old?

You are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It still too early to get worried, OP, but I have a feeling it will be difficult for any nanny with you at home. Baby and nanny know that you're worried, so it's almost impossible for them to be successful together.

Are you sure you're ready for a nanny?[/quote

I don't micromanage. I've noticed when I'm in the room eating and not being able to hear him cooing or giggling like he normally does. I don't think being concerned about my child makes me an " idiot".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It still too early to get worried, OP, but I have a feeling it will be difficult for any nanny with you at home. Baby and nanny know that you're worried, so it's almost impossible for them to be successful together.

Are you sure you're ready for a nanny?[/quote

I don't micromanage. I've noticed when I'm in the room eating and not being able to hear him cooing or giggling like he normally does. I don't think being concerned about my child makes me an " idiot".

it does. it's been one day. have you ever instantly bonded with somebody in one day after being exclusively cared for by your parents for 4 months? didn't think so.

[Anonymous]

16:05 here, so I'm not the one who called you an idiot. I just don't think you're suited to have a nanny at home with you. Very few parents are. But you can cycle through a few more nannies to see for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:05 here, so I'm not the one who called you an idiot. I just don't think you're suited to have a nanny at home with you. Very few parents are. But you can cycle through a few more nannies to see for yourself.

...This is exactly why most nannies will not consider an at-home parent. They've learned the hard way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:05 here, so I'm not the one who called you an idiot. I just don't think you're suited to have a nanny at home with you. Very few parents are. But you can cycle through a few more nannies to see for yourself.

...This is exactly why most nannies will not consider an at-home parent. They've learned the hard way.

I'll work when one or both parents WAH, but only if there are clear boundaries, and it's easiest if I can get out of the house every day with the child.

[Anonymous]

Mom here.

It is too early OP. It is only her second day.

If you had been out of the house working and came home would things look amiss? Is your baby clean, fed, well rested, seemingly fine?

Try to look at it from that perspective for a couple of weeks and see if that helps. Try to let the nanny do her job her way (assuming she is doing everything you've asked her to do of course) and give her some time to bond with your child. Try not to expect her to act exactly as you would - no one will do that (nor should they - no one else is Mom.)

Give it some time and try not to overthink.

Presumably you did your due diligence in hiring and she came with good references, solid work history, relevant experience, etc... Trust that, trust that you hired well and then try to get out of the way for a bit.

[Anonymous]

Nanny may also not be quite as engaged when you are in the room. I definitely don't talk as much or sing or bust out my silly faces when I am being watched by MB or DB.

So: give it time and give her space. The only job where I didn't bond deeply to my charges was when my MB was hovering and constantly commenting/providing corrections. I felt the need to be constantly on my guard and as a result did not get as close to the kids. Giving nanny space is crucial to her bonding with baby, and babies are biologically programmed to bond with attentive caregivers--it just might take a few weeks!

[Anonymous]

Stop stressing over the small stuff OP.

As I am sure you know, as a telecommuting parent, you need to respect your nanny's duties & provide her w/all the autonomy she rightfully deserves. Let her do her job. Give her time to bond w/your baby. And let your baby have the time he needs to form a bond w/her. These things do not happen overnight. It may take a week or so.

No offense, but it sounds to me as if you are micro-managing your poor nanny.

How else would you know the degree of receptiveness your child is demonstrating for her vs. you + your husband?

You should be focusing on your work. After all, that is why you hired her, right? I understand the whole "First-Time Mother" anxiety and all, but you need to let them form their own bond w/each other in their own time.

From what you just told us, she sounds to me as if she is doing a fantastic job already.

Don't make the mistake of chasing this good nanny away based on irrational observations.