Au pair in smallish townhouse?

[Anonymous]

Considering hiring an Au Pair for year 1 of baby. Question: Will AP experience be comfortable in a small house not in a fun area? Or am I overthinking? Do amenities matter?

all my friends who have Au Pairs have large houses. We have a smallish (1800 sq ft) townhouse in not a fancy area. AP would have own room and bathroom on floor with rest of bedrooms. Also, AP would have use of a car - like a Hyundai -- but I hear stories about APs driving Mercedes. Also not easily metro accessible (short drive/bus - not walking)

Would this still work for an AP? We are just very middle income but need some extra help for year 1 due to DD being very premature.

Am I overthinking?

[Anonymous]

We have a 1900 sq ft house and an older subaru for our AP to drive. No AP we have had has been upset about what we offer, because of two things:

1) We are very, very clear up front about what we are offering and what we are not offering. I actually tell prospective APs that all their friends will live in bigger houses, drive fancier cars, and go on nicer vacations than they will. I go back to this point multiple times in matching. Princesses weed themselves out.

2) We are a great host family who treat our APs very well, give them a lot of trust an autonomy, and are very appreciative of all they do. Our APs don't get the biggest bonus at the end, but they all leave knowing htat they had a great experience with a loving, kind, caring family.

Just be clear about your job and your house and who you are (and who you're not), and you'll attract the right kind of AP.

[Anonymous]

With all due respect PP (I think you have posted numerous times before?) I don't think it is as easy as making sure you explain during the interviews. Many many girls have no clue what to expect even after hearing during an interview, and honestly, some are dishonest and have no intent on staying and will rematch immediately.

My point is this -- we old timers need to be honest with the newbies. You absolutely can find the right person, but be Aware that many many don't work out once they start taling to other APs. Rematch rate is high. Just read the thread here from the lovely family with the AP that was an issue for the start. She has an infant and two other kids. Big risk of failure. Let's be honest and not. Open eyes, that is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect PP (I think you have posted numerous times before?) I don't think it is as easy as making sure you explain during the interviews. Many many girls have no clue what to expect even after hearing during an interview, and honestly, some are dishonest and have no intent on staying and will rematch immediately.

My point is this -- we old timers need to be honest with the newbies. You absolutely can find the right person, but be Aware that many many don't work out once they start taling to other APs. Rematch rate is high. Just read the thread here from the lovely family with the AP that was an issue for the start. She has an infant and two other kids. Big risk of failure. Let's be honest and not. Open eyes, that is all.

PP you're quoting here, and with all due respect back, we have never once had a problem with an AP being upset at our set up, so I am not someone who believes that having a small house guarantees a miserable AP. Lots of the unhappy APs are in big houses but don't have good connections with their HFs. Not saying it's the AP's fault or the HF's fault since I don't know, but having a cushy set up does not guarantee a happy AP. OP asked whether having a smallish townhouse with a private bath and bedroom for her AP was going to be a problem. In our experience it's not at all and yes, anytime someone asks this, I'm going to answer. I may struggle with an AP every now and then (now, for example), but it has zero to do with our smallish house and older car. His friends all have fancy cars but no one is allowed to drive them regularly and all of them in their fancy suites are not allowed to have guests over so they hang in our small basement. Just my experience, and saying this is not being dishonest.

Now, if OP asked about whether an AP is a good idea for first time HM with an infant in general, I might have different things to say, but that wasn't her question. Her question was about her space, and I happen to believe sincerely that the space isn't going to be an automatic problem.

[Anonymous]

We have a similarly sized home and it is plenty of space. We have one of the bigger homes on the block, so maybe the fact that she's not comparing our house to a mansion helps, but as long as her room isn't a converted closet, she should be fine. Car access maters way more, and its availability is what's important, not its brand name.

I think any reasonable AP could be happy with the set up your describe. If you pick some one who comes from royalty, then clearly that won't work, but the furnishings will be the least of the reasons.

[Anonymous]

I was an au pair and dont think it matters. I didnt even have my own bathroom but my family were super nice and didnt overwork me so it was all good.

[Anonymous]

In our cluster many of the APs have small rooms and shared bathrooms. Perhaps it varies by location and agency, but I don't see your set up as a problem.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't think it matters for the right person. I have an iconic american house that most au pairs probably think of when they think of America. I've had au pairs who love it and those who complain that its not in the city and they'd rather live somewhere that they can walk to places. I used to live in a rowhouse in DC with its own au pair suite in the basement, walk to metro, close to downtown, the whole thing. And one au pair just constantly complained that the basement was too cold, even though she had a heater in her room (true that the basement playroom was cold, but nobody told her she had to hang out there - she could have cranked up the heat to 80 in her room and shut her door, but she still was fixated on the overall temp in the basement). Once I moved to the big suburban house, I had one au pair who found an American boyfriend and his parents were basically horders with cars up on blocks in the driveway but she preferred to spend all her time over there with them. To each his own. You can't stress about what an au pair will like or won't like. You can just present your situation in as realistic a way as possible and try to find the right person for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect PP (I think you have posted numerous times before?) I don't think it is as easy as making sure you explain during the interviews. Many many girls have no clue what to expect even after hearing during an interview, and honestly, some are dishonest and have no intent on staying and will rematch immediately.

My point is this -- we old timers need to be honest with the newbies. You absolutely can find the right person, but be Aware that many many don't work out once they start taling to other APs. Rematch rate is high. Just read the thread here from the lovely family with the AP that was an issue for the start. She has an infant and two other kids. Big risk of failure. Let's be honest and not. Open eyes, that is all.

Agree, rematch rate is high and au pairs all come with different expectations. Note, I live out in the boonies from a DCUM perspective (near BWI, Annapolis) but there are TONS of APs out here and I've not heard of any rematching because they want to be closer to DC. Most are happy to be in an area with lots of other au pairs, a mall nearby, and the ability to get to Baltimore, DC, and NYC on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Also keep in mind that au pairs are coming from a wide variety of situations at home. If you have a modest house and modest perks, you may not match well with a wealthy au pair whose online profile includes pictures of her in an equestrian setting or on safari with her parents. For some au pairs coming from poorer countries, a modest home in a nice area will be a step up and they will be perfectly happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our cluster many of the APs have small rooms and shared bathrooms. Perhaps it varies by location and agency, but I don't see your set up as a problem.

+1

I have no idea how big my host family's house was but I didn't match for size of room or ensuite bathroom (which I didn't have). Neither did I match for the type of car (I had a designated au pair car, my host dad's 20 year old Honda which had something about 200,000+ miles on the clock, maybe closer to 300,000)

Plus, many applicants will not consider 1800 sq ft (170 m²) smallish. Not even those from Europe. We currently live in a 1000 sq ft apartment and even we could house an au pair (with shared bath though). I grew up in a 1300 sq ft house which could comfortably have fit an au pair including a private half bath. I was on a student exchange to France (greater Paris area) in school and lived in a family of five where the whole apartment they had wasn't more than 1300 sq ft. My MIL lives in a huge (for German standards) house with two floors, three bathrooms, five bedrooms plus two offices and a huge living / dining room which doesn't have more than 2000 sq ft and could probably offer enough room for a family of six plus au pair. Where we live, if you could even buy an apartment / house that size in a favourable location, you'd be looking at a price scale of 1.2 million Euros ($1.3 million) and up. Where I come from - where both income and housing prices are much lower than where I am now - you'd still be looking at 350,000 Euros and up for something simliar (my cousin is building, the lot alone cost 100,000 Euros, the house will be another 300,000... for 1600 sq ft). While for US standards 1800 sq ft might be "smallish" this is definitely not the case for the rest of the world.

[Anonymous]

Op here - thanks! We are going with the process. After reading profiles of some Au Pairs, I felt a lot better about the situation. I realized its the myopic DC area lifestyle that clouded my views.

We have other great things we can offer like 1/2 mile to state park, pool, car, buses/metro access, close to shops/movies and 3 colleges within 3-5 miles.

Now, let's hope DH will be willing to share his space!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't think it matters for the right person. I have an iconic american house that most au pairs probably think of when they think of America. I've had au pairs who love it and those who complain that its not in the city and they'd rather live somewhere that they can walk to places. I used to live in a rowhouse in DC with its own au pair suite in the basement, walk to metro, close to downtown, the whole thing. And one au pair just constantly complained that the basement was too cold, even though she had a heater in her room (true that the basement playroom was cold, but nobody told her she had to hang out there - she could have cranked up the heat to 80 in her room and shut her door, but she still was fixated on the overall temp in the basement). Once I moved to the big suburban house, I had one au pair who found an American boyfriend and his parents were basically horders with cars up on blocks in the driveway but she preferred to spend all her time over there with them. To each his own. You can't stress about what an au pair will like or won't like. You can just present your situation in as realistic a way as possible and try to find the right person for you!

or you can have my AP who NEVER LEAVES HER ROOM!!! She spent this ENTIRE WEEKEND holed up in her basement bedroom. She never once has ventured into DC and never once has expressed the desire to travel or explore (outside of us paying for a trip somewhere where she mainly stays in her room or buried in her phone). She hardly socializes with other APs, saying they are "stuck-up". She would have just the same experience living in Nebraska here.

Sadly, I think she is depressed, but won't admit it (I've asked!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't think it matters for the right person. I have an iconic american house that most au pairs probably think of when they think of America. I've had au pairs who love it and those who complain that its not in the city and they'd rather live somewhere that they can walk to places. I used to live in a rowhouse in DC with its own au pair suite in the basement, walk to metro, close to downtown, the whole thing. And one au pair just constantly complained that the basement was too cold, even though she had a heater in her room (true that the basement playroom was cold, but nobody told her she had to hang out there - she could have cranked up the heat to 80 in her room and shut her door, but she still was fixated on the overall temp in the basement). Once I moved to the big suburban house, I had one au pair who found an American boyfriend and his parents were basically horders with cars up on blocks in the driveway but she preferred to spend all her time over there with them. To each his own. You can't stress about what an au pair will like or won't like. You can just present your situation in as realistic a way as possible and try to find the right person for you!

or you can have my AP who NEVER LEAVES HER ROOM!!! She spent this ENTIRE WEEKEND holed up in her basement bedroom. She never once has ventured into DC and never once has expressed the desire to travel or explore (outside of us paying for a trip somewhere where she mainly stays in her room or buried in her phone). She hardly socializes with other APs, saying they are "stuck-up". She would have just the same experience living in Nebraska here.

Sadly, I think she is depressed, but won't admit it (I've asked!).

But do you really care? I think one of the hardest things about hosting is looking at these girls who have so many amazing opportunities and seeing them waste it on stupid stuff like repeated trips to the mall, watching reruns on netflix or endless skyping. I find it very hard not to impose my views or what I would have done if I had such an opportunity. Instead, I worked crappy summer jobs and had to help my parents and scrape it all through college. Taking a year off to live and work in another country was never an option for me, much as I would have loved it! Maybe that's why it bothers me when some au pairs just go back and forth to the mall, hang around on the internet and complain about how little they get paid.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP! My hubby not fully on board with the program, and just yesterday he was telling me how great its working out.

For what its worth, we live in a townhouse. Nothing except a playground in walking distance. Au pair uses my car to take the kids places, and I take the bus into work. Au pair has been with us for 4 weeks, and is really happy! And she's met other au pairs who might have fancier options.

Just interview a whole lot, and make sure you're able to talk. Ask the questions that will give you insight about her personality, and one that would mesh with your expectations. We're family oriented, so having someone who voluntarily and actually enjoys playing with the kids as I make dinner has been pretty awesome.