How to address creepy guests with NF?

[Anonymous]

I know some loser will call troll but I'm not. I've been with my NF for a little under 5 weeks. I love them and my job. However, Dbs brother is here for two weeks and he creeps me out. I don't dress provocatively, wear little to no makeup, and I don't think I'm supermodel, but I know I'm attractive. He is here most days and is constantly leering at me. He has on multiple occasions if I have a boyfriend, how he is surprised someone would hire a cute nanny, etc. Hes come out of the guest room in just boxers, etc. This guy still makes it uncomfortable to work. My charge is only 13 weeks, so he spends most of the time napping.

I don't know what to do. I don't feel I should be subjected to this behavior, but I'm new and this is Dbs brother. I don't want to lose my job, so should I just deal for the rest of the week?

[Anonymous]

Yikes. You definitely should not be subjected to that. Tell your bosses immediately.

Just say that you would appreciate it if he was fully clothed at all times and if he left you alone to do your job.

Also try to plan some things out of the house.

- MB

[Anonymous]

I would definitely tell them that him being in just his boxes makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell your MB, she would probably be more understanding.

[Anonymous]

Do not answer personal questions. When he asks about boyfriends say "Oh, I don't discuss personal things at work. Even though this is your brother's home, it's actually my workplace, and I like to keep things very professional."

Agree with asking MB to tell him to come out only fully dressed.

[Anonymous]

Yes to everything everyone said but why do you feel the need to tell us about your makeup and looks? No one should be subject to this kind of harassment - at work or elsewhere - even if you were ugly or wore a full face of makeup every single day. Be a feminist please! It is not your responsibility to explain or defend your appearance, it is his responsibility not to be an ass.

[Anonymous]

I would make it completely clear to the brother that you have zero interest. I like 13:07's suggestion. When he comes out in just boxers, get up & leave the room. When he leers at you, if you feel comfortable being upfront, maybe say "I'm actually just here to do my job and you're making me uncomfortable." If you don't feel comfortable being direct, then give him a weird look, ask "are you okay?" and then walk out of the room, regardless of what he says.

I'd also let your MB know that he's staring at you and walking around in his underwear - if you had an older charge, you'd make yourself scarce and stay away, but given how young the baby is, it's not very practical for you to avoid the house while the brother is visiting. What does she recommend? If this were my BIL, I'd make him get scarce during your work hours - I'd give him a mile long errand list to do so he's out & away from you.

[Anonymous]

Be up front with the parents as I'm sure they'll be embarrassed by his behavior. If not that's good information as well. I'd you're comfortable, talk to the guy directly but I totally understand if that isn't in the cards. I'm 42 and I'm not sure if I'd be able to have that conversation or not.

[Anonymous]

Live-in nanny. BTDT. Definitely approach whichever parent is *not* the sibling, but only after you address it with the brother. Something dismissive without being impolite works best, in my experience. Perhaps: "I noticed you didn't have a robe, do you need me to talk to your sister about acquiring one for the guest bedroom?" This is what I've had to do, and sometimes it means that you have to take it to MB/DB, sometimes it handles itself. Either way, yes, it has to be handled. Even if you discuss it with MB and DB after he leaves, he will be back at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Live-in nanny. BTDT. Definitely approach whichever parent is *not* the sibling, but only after you address it with the brother. Something dismissive without being impolite works best, in my experience. Perhaps: "I noticed you didn't have a robe, do you need me to talk to your sister about acquiring one for the guest bedroom?" This is what I've had to do, and sometimes it means that you have to take it to MB/DB, sometimes it handles itself. Either way, yes, it has to be handled. Even if you discuss it with MB and DB after he leaves, he will be back at some point.

BTW, I reserve vacation time to be taken as needed when a certain relative visits, and my bosses understand that and put childcare on him for a good portion of that week. their theory is that he made me so uncomfortable that I can't be around him, so he can deal with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the helpful answers. I told DBS brother yesterday to not ask me any personal questions and to wear appropriate clothing around me. He said I was too over the top about it. Today he has been gone!

To pp - Most families will not let a nanny take vacation 5 weeks in. That's quite absurd. Also, we get out for walks and to one infant class, but my charge is 7 weeks age-adjusted, so he sleeps 6 out of the 10 hours I work.

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the helpful answers. I told DBS brother yesterday to not ask me any personal questions and to wear appropriate clothing around me. He said I was too over the top about it. Today he has been gone!

To pp - Most families will not let a nanny take vacation 5 weeks in. That's quite absurd. Also, we get out for walks and to one infant class, but my charge is 7 weeks age-adjusted, so he sleeps 6 out of the 10 hours I work.

I understand that vacation 5 weeks in is out of the question. I said that I now reserve vacation in case a certain relative is going to visit. This is based on past experience with him, and why I suggested that you might want to talk to MB and DB after the brother was gone. My bosses aren't going to deny their relative time with my charges, but they understand that I shouldn't be required to be around someone who refuses to behave appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the helpful answers. I told DBS brother yesterday to not ask me any personal questions and to wear appropriate clothing around me. He said I was too over the top about it. Today he has been gone!

To pp - Most families will not let a nanny take vacation 5 weeks in. That's quite absurd. Also, we get out for walks and to one infant class, but my charge is 7 weeks age-adjusted, so he sleeps 6 out of the 10 hours I work.

Good for you. I would just suggest that you should have told MB or DB first. Now if the brother tells your boss, they're more likely to believe him because they heard from him first. Don't worry about the brother saying you were too over the top. You know you weren't. People at your workplace should be dressed, unless they're a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the helpful answers. I told DBS brother yesterday to not ask me any personal questions and to wear appropriate clothing around me. He said I was too over the top about it. Today he has been gone!

To pp - Most families will not let a nanny take vacation 5 weeks in. That's quite absurd. Also, we get out for walks and to one infant class, but my charge is 7 weeks age-adjusted, so he sleeps 6 out of the 10 hours I work.

Good for you. I would just suggest that you should have told MB or DB first. Now if the brother tells your boss, they're more likely to believe him because they heard from him first. Don't worry about the brother saying you were too over the top. You know you weren't. People at your workplace should be dressed, unless they're a baby.

Anyone who you aren't required to bathe, toilet or supervise when doing one of the two? Absolutely agree.

[Anonymous]

I would try to endure it for the duration of his stay.

Hopefully this will be his last one.

If he returns anytime in the near future, I would remain professional at ALL times & let him know that you don't discuss your personal business at work.

If he ever crosses a line w/you, most definitely tell your bosses. It is ultimately their responsibility to ensure you feel safe in your working environment.