New information and references

[Anonymous]

My first nanny moved away to help take care of her aging parent. We had a good relationship, and I added her on Facebook so she could see how DD is doing. I was pretty surprised to learn that not only does she smoke when she told me she didn't, but she's quite the clubber and pothead.

I'm getting calls now for references. But since learning about the smoking, I feel differently, especially since she was smoking and caring for my newborn. How would you handle this?

[Anonymous]

How old are the two of you?

[Anonymous]

That's not relevant.

[Anonymous]

What she does in her off time is irrelevant. Obviously she doesn't smoke much, or you would have smelled it on her.

[Anonymous]

Who died and made you the moral arbiter? What she does off the clock is none of your none of your business.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to disagree here. Generally I'd say it is none of your business, but your nanny accepted your friend request and she's made this information public by posting it online. If I were you I might confront her on the apparent smoking, because that is relevant to her caregiving. Keep in mind though that a lot of people smoke socially or at hookah bars and those people do not consider themselves smokers. She is obviously not a habitual smoker or you would have noticed.

As for serving as a reference in the future, my advice is to simply be honest. Answer questions about her performance as your nanny, and leave out information about her personal life unless it is relevant. Clubbing is not relevant to her skills as a caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who died and made you the moral arbiter? What she does off the clock is none of your none of your business.

Every heard of third hand smoke? That's my biggest issue, especially with newborns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who died and made you the moral arbiter? What she does off the clock is none of your none of your business.

Every heard of third hand smoke? That's my biggest issue, especially with newborns.

Ever hear of using your nose? Or is there a malfunction with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who died and made you the moral arbiter? What she does off the clock is none of your none of your business.

Every heard of third hand smoke? That's my biggest issue, especially with newborns.

Ever hear of using your nose? Or is there a malfunction with that?

I forgot this section of DCUM was run by nannies. Wow. You all should read up on SIDS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who died and made you the moral arbiter? What she does off the clock is none of your none of your business.

Every heard of third hand smoke? That's my biggest issue, especially with newborns.

Ever hear of using your nose? Or is there a malfunction with that?

I forgot this section of DCUM was run by nannies. Wow. You all should read up on SIDS.

Studied it quite extensively. Now you should read up on responsible parenting.

[Anonymous]

If you couldn't smell it on her after years of her being in your home, then I'm going to assume she smokes hooka on the weekends, so something like what PP said.

As long as she's showered & changed clothes before showing up on Monday morning, then there's none of your newborn to inhale second hand. So I wouldn't bring it up when serving as a reference - you don't know what you're seeing on Facebook.

I had a situation in which some one categorically denied wearing perfume, yet my baby was covered in it at the end of the day. I think you would have noticed if your nanny had been smoking on the job.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- If there was any erratic behavior that happened while she was caring for your child and marijuana could be responsible, then I could see sharing this when giving references. However, if her off the clock habits never affected her work then I think you should keep it to yourself. The bridge between nanny/friend is tricky. I am friends with people that I no longer work for on facebook but I also don't post anything questionable. Posting those things on a public forum is poor judgment on her part. If you do decide to tell potential employers about her habits then no one can blame you, but think long and hard. Weigh the risks; what if something happens to the child she cares for in the future because she was under the influence? You would never want to feel like you could have stopped it. This is not a case of "what they don't know won't hurt them", because it could affect their children.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell the new family. If thing happen with their baby you will feel so guilty.

BTW, if I;m hiring a nanny I want to know everything about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell the new family. If thing happen with their baby you will feel so guilty.

BTW, if I;m hiring a nanny I want to know everything about her.

Oh. My. God.

[Anonymous]

Was your former nanny smoking in a picture? If so that does not mean that she smokes - she probably just had a couple when she was drinking.

Don't sweat it. If you never smelled cigarette smoke on her she was not smoking when she was working for you. That is a stench that is impossible to hide on a day-in and day-out basis.