Another parent asks my nanny to pick up their child from school
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Anonymous
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My nanny got talking with another mom at the playground (whose child is in my daughters preschool class) and learned that the mother was not happy with their aftercare situation. I personally do not know this mother as they are a new family in the class this year. My nanny exchanged numbers with this mother, and now she has been asking my nanny to pick her up daughter from school a few days a week. In addition to my 4 year old, I also have a 1 year old that my nanny is responsible for watching. I just think it is strange that neither the mother or my nanny asked me if I am ok with this. This is an unpaid situation where the mother is not paying my nanny, and she picks up her daughter about an hour after school is over. The other mother does not know us, so I think it is odd that she is comfortable with her daughter coming to our house and tagging along with our childcare arrangements.
We really love our nanny and I think she was just overly nice to this mother and is perhaps being taken advantage of. Should I let this play out and see what happens, or mention my hesitatation about it? |
Anonymous
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I think it's inappropriate that the nanny never spoke to you about this, and you should certainly say something to her about that.
that being said, what exactly is your hesitation? that she is being advantage of, or something else (you are not getting a reduced rate, she is watching a strange child in your home, etc). if it is that she is being taken advantage of, I think that is her call as she is the one that set this up. if it is something more along the lines of the latter examples, you are perfectly within your rights to feel uncomfortable about that and you should certainly bring that up as well. |
Anonymous
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OP here. The nanny spoke to me about it the day she met the mom, just never "asked." She just said "I met so & so and she said she is unhappy with aftercare, so I offered to take her daughter home a few days a week. The two girls play nicely together..." I guess my hesitation is 1) I think it's weird the other mom never asked or said thank you for this, and 2) my 1 year old is newly on the move and I wonder if it would be hard to watch all 3 kids if they start going in different directions.
I do trust my nanny, so you think ultimately it is her decision? |
Anonymous
You're saying you trust the nanny, yet you carry on as if you don't. Which is it?? |
Anonymous
| If it's an hour a few days a week, it sounds like a scheduled playdate to me. But, it's your house, she should have okayed the family before agreeing to do it. |
Anonymous
| It actually probably makes it easier for your nanny to have a playmate for the older child - they play together, she focuses on the 1yo. I love to host playdates for my older charge - way less work for me, and she's having fun. That said, I don't think it's okay that she hasn't cleared it with you, and I think she should probably be paid if it's a regular thing - what if one day she decides she doesn't want the kid, or she starts taking your older girl to an afterschool club or you're on vacation? Either it's a job (sounds like it is), or she's doing a favour for a friend. You should definitely bring it up, if only to wonder exactly what sort of arrangement this is. |
Anonymous
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Mb here-no way. I would be pissed. First of all, the child is now your responsibikity if she hurts yourself at your house. You are legally liable-not your nanny if she falls and hits her head or has a medical emergency.
Second-wtf-you have paid yiur nanny to watch your two kids-not 3. And yes, its harder to watch three which is why nannies on this board all suggest you get a raise with an extra child End this asap or pay the price. If your kid wants a playdate then you and the other mom can organize. |
Anonymous
+1 This mom is getting several hours of free childcare each week-at YOUR expense! Also, You didn't mention if your child even likes and gets along well with this child. Maybe your child would like to have a play date with a DIFFERENT child from the class some day, and then what? Would your nanny be able to take all 4 children (your two children, this other child, and the child your kid would like a play date with) home to your house? |
Anonymous
This is absolutely unacceptable, and no, it is NOT her decision, not when she's doing a job for you. It is NOT your nanny's place to offer to take anyone's child into your home without asking you and getting your permission first!! I can't believe you need to ask this. Your nanny is being paid by you, and during the time she's paid by you, she is NOT free to volunteer her services to anyone else, free or paid. Especially if you don't know the other family. Who cares what the other mother is unhappy about? Call the other mom and tell her this arrangement stops now. |
Anonymous
| OP here - exactly.. If the mother is unhappy with her aftercare situation there are other alternatives she needs to figure out, not just piggyback off of me.. |
Anonymous
| I would call the mom and let her know you are not comfortable with the current arrangement. You are paying for your children to have an nanny and your payment does not include her child nor the use of your home. If you were friends, a one time emergency is ok but not several times a week for free. |
Anonymous
| OP I'm the first PP and no, I don't think this is ultimately her decision. ultimately, it is yours. you are paying her and it is your house the children are being in. you seem very hesitant about the arrangement - rightfully so - and I think you need to be upfront with your nanny. tell her you aren't comfortable with for the reasons you stated. you are fully within your rights to do this (and I'm a nanny and think this is odd that she did this without asking or getting your full consent) |
Anonymous
I do think it is your nanny's decision. It is no skin off your nose, no one is double-dipping and your girls get along. |
Anonymous
No No No No. Your nanny should know better and so should the other Mother. Get her number asap and see what her side of the story is. We had this issue pop up for a week with our nanny when we just had an 18 mo old. Our nanny was supposedly propositioned by a Mom noticing the kids were the same age and said she would PAY OUR NANNY to drive HER KID everywhere our kid went - MyGym, the park, etc. My nanny told me one Monday morning about it, and it instantly sounded like she liked the sound of making $20 on my dime as well driving two kids around. Meanwhile, she hated the one car seat in her car (now she'd need two), and it is hard enough getting out of the house for one kid, now you have to get out, pick up another kid, strap them in and go. And I am paying FT for this? I questioned my nanny's judgment. Anything for a buck attitude. I asked for the mother's name and phone number to cheerfully "see what was up." Nanny never gave it to me and it never came up again. |
Anonymous
You are paying for full-time nanny care. Not a nanny share, not daycare, for a full-time nanny for your two children. Ask your nanny immediately how much the other Mom is paying for after school nanny share, AT YOUR HOUSE, at the expense of your kids' attention. As a mother with two kids and a full-time nanny, I would only host (and it is YOU hosting, not the nanny) as a favor to the other family, at a reduced nanny share rate, and with the other family contributing to expenses/wear & tear of my house. But actually, as a mother with two kids, a full-time nanny and a decent house, I would never agree to hosting a random kid in my house every single day after school. A favor to a friend, maybe but I'd ask the nanny fist. |