Nanny Leaving Child Alone

[Anonymous]

Child is 18 months. How long is reasonable for a nanny to leave a child alone? I am the parent and thought it was a safety hazard to leave the child alone at all, though I realize the nanny has to use the bathroom and needs privacy for that. We have a nanny cam (which the nanny is aware of) so I can see the nanny leaves the child for 10-15 minutes at a time. It seems to be a regular occurrence most mornings. If it was rare, I would assume perhaps the nanny had an upset stomach, but it is becoming more regular. I'm also unsure how to bring this up with the nanny other than "I see you're leaving my child alone for 10-15 minutes" and having it come across as accusatory.

[Anonymous]

Do you have cameras everywhere? How do you know that the nanny is not checking in/looking in on your child when he/she is playing alone? Our nanny does this everyday with DS. After a busy morning out, DS likes a little quiet alone time (and frankly, this is when he poops). If I were to only watch his bedroom camera I would assume the nanny wasn't checking on him at all. However, we also have a playroom camera where I can see her head for his room every three or four minutes and walk right back out.

[Anonymous]

I know the nanny isn't looking in on my child because I see my child playing in the play room, the camera faces the only door out of the play room, and I don't see the nanny at all for a solid 10-15 minutes.

[Anonymous]

For some families, mine included, independent play is encouraged - which does in fact mean leaving the child alone for small periods of time. At 1.5 years, I think 10-15 minutes of happy, independent play sounds developmentally normal and good. Perhaps your nanny is making a conscience decision to encourage this skill?

If your child is crying and it takes the nanny 10-15 minutes to appear and respond, then that's different. I would expect that the nanny uses those 10-15 minutes to prep a snack, clean up breakfast, etc and she should be within earshot and able to respond immediately when needed.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. Perhaps she is encouraging independent play, though this isn't something we have discussed and she is really great in general to tell us what she is encouraging (color matching, shapes, etc.). We try to set aside time every week to discuss things we don't have time to talk about in the rush of leaving and returning home each week, but we've skipped it the past couple of weeks. As for where else the nanny could be, if she is off camera she is in a hallway, the bathroom, or my bedroom. There are cameras in the kitchen, play room (it is one room, we have an open layout) and my child's bedroom. Also, this is happening within the first hour or two the nanny is with my child. I can't imagine she needs a break within the first hour and just wants some alone time herself.

[Anonymous]

I think this depends on your floor plan - I'm a nanny and I encourage independent play but to me (and in this floor plan) that means sitting on the couch and reading a book for fifteen minutes and discouraging the toddler twins from sitting on my lap. I lead them to the toys and when they try to sit with me I tell them it's time to play by themselves for a bit.

unless it's an open floor plan, I would never leave the children alone for 10-15 minutes. that is odd to me. unless I can directly see the child, I would never not be with him for that stretch at that age. I would encourage you to speak to her about this

[Anonymous]

Not allowing a ready and willing child an opportunity to play independently is really a form of child neglect.

OP needs some parenting classes or child development courses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. Perhaps she is encouraging independent play, though this isn't something we have discussed and she is really great in general to tell us what she is encouraging (color matching, shapes, etc.). We try to set aside time every week to discuss things we don't have time to talk about in the rush of leaving and returning home each week, but we've skipped it the past couple of weeks. As for where else the nanny could be, if she is off camera she is in a hallway, the bathroom, or my bedroom. There are cameras in the kitchen, play room (it is one room, we have an open layout) and my child's bedroom. Also, this is happening within the first hour or two the nanny is with my child. I can't imagine she needs a break within the first hour and just wants some alone time herself.

I'm the one who suggested maybe this is independent play time, but with your update, it sounds like the nanny is making a personal call each morning and is doing it where it can't be seen - probably to avoid this exact scenario in which you're wanting an explanation for what happens in those 10 minutes.

If this were me & my child, and I was otherwise really happy with the nanny, then I'd let it go. Sometimes I need to make personal calls during work too. Maybe something's going on with her family. As long as your baby isn't crying while this goes on, then I'd chalk it up to independent play and let it be. But if this was part of a larger problem in which the nanny just wasn't engaged, then I'd address the big picture issue.

[Anonymous]

I'm afraid op sounds like an insecure control freak. This is not good for the child.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I take the points about the value of independent play UNDER THE NANNY'S OBSERVATION. Thank you for raising that perspective. What worries me is that my child it outside the nanny's view for 10-15 minutes. This seems like a safety hazard to me. My child still puts things in their mouth. While I do my best to keep the floors clean, I worry that my child could put something in their mouth and choke on it while the nanny is out of the room. Sure my child could put something in their moth and start choking while the nanny is in the room, but the nanny's response time would be much, much quicker if my child were within the nanny's view vs. out of the room for 10-15 minutes while my child is choking. I'll definitely talk to the nanny about this. I find there are usually good reason for things I see and don't fully understand (not just with the nanny but in many relationships). Again, my concern here is safety. I was wondering if others had dealt with this and other views on how long is ok for a child approximately 18 months to be left alone.

[Anonymous]

Does the nanny need to do things like laundry, making lunches, etc.? I would agree the child could go with her, and honestly, even if she's making a phone call, why does she have to leave the child alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the nanny need to do things like laundry, making lunches, etc.? I would agree the child could go with her, and honestly, even if she's making a phone call, why does she have to leave the child alone?

Have you studied any child development?

[Anonymous]

We ask the nanny to do one load of the child's laundry a week, but only if it does NOT interfere with the child's needs. I've never said a word about it if the laundry is NOT done. My child LOVES to do laundry with the nanny so is usually off camera with the nanny doing laundry, or on camera if the nanny takes the laundry into the child's room or play room to fold it. I prepare all meals and snacks in advance so the nanny can be 100% focused on the child without feeling over worked from other chores, and so that my conversations with the nanny can focus on the child's development and activities as opposed to what the child ate (I can see what the child ate based on left overs as I know what I prepare each morning!). Good questions!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I take the points about the value of independent play UNDER THE NANNY'S OBSERVATION. Thank you for raising that perspective. What worries me is that my child it outside the nanny's view for 10-15 minutes. This seems like a safety hazard to me. My child still puts things in their mouth. While I do my best to keep the floors clean, I worry that my child could put something in their mouth and choke on it while the nanny is out of the room. Sure my child could put something in their moth and start choking while the nanny is in the room, but the nanny's response time would be much, much quicker if my child were within the nanny's view vs. out of the room for 10-15 minutes while my child is choking. I'll definitely talk to the nanny about this. I find there are usually good reason for things I see and don't fully understand (not just with the nanny but in many relationships). Again, my concern here is safety. I was wondering if others had dealt with this and other views on how long is ok for a child approximately 18 months to be left alone.

I've worked with many children at that age. It sounds like your child needs a safer environment if there are choking items on the floor. The nanny should expect to find a safe environment when she arrives every morning, as should you when you arrive in the evening.

[Anonymous]

18 month old twin charges. I have no issue leaving them buckled into the highchairs and babbling to each other while I take 5-10 minutes to switch laundry, but they don't have food or drink on which to choke, and it's after they've eaten so they're full and happy, not starving and cranky. Nor do I have an issue taking them into the bathroom with me. There is no reason a child at that age needs to see you using the toilet (long skirts are perfect to shield the action but make it clear what is happening), but yes, they need to hear the sounds, see the result and help flush; try potty training without any modeling and let me know how it goes.

As for independent play, while invaluable, it's not hard to do. I actually lie on the floor in the middle of the room, and that's their cue to play by themselves. When they're done for a little while, we do physical play together on the floor and in the air, then I roll over and they climb all over me.

As for personal calls, that's different. I've been trying to talk to a government agency for four weeks. But due to the twins' nap schedules shifting so that they aren't synced, today is the first day I've had a spare moment to get through.