How do I leave a charge that I love?

[Anonymous]

Can any nannies help me with their own stories...

I have been a nanny for many years. I have always put up a wall, and not allowed myself to really truly love a charge. But three years ago I met my 6 month old NK. For the first year I was successful in keeping my wall up. But eventually she broke it down.

I was her 24hr nanny 5.5 days a week. I was basically her proxy parent, as her real parents were very hands off. I made all decisions for her care, took her to all her doctors appointments, first days at school, and attended parent teacher meetings at her pre-school.

For the first time, I missed my charge seriously on my days off or on vacations.

I need to leave this job. It pays poorly. I miss having my own life. I have started to butt heads with my bosses and their parents. An they stopped showing their appreciation for almost singlehandedly raising their daughter. I am miserable. And it just is time to move on.

This child is just as attached to me as I am to her. I am already grieving from leaving. How do you just let go and move on. I can't imagine recovering from this. I'm sure her parents will be shocked and cut-me off from her when I give my notice.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Hi,
I have seen your posting and would like to know if it's still open.
I am very interested in this job.

I can be reached at [e-mail].

Thanks,
Mously

[Anonymous]

It sucks and it's the most difficult part of the job, even worse than the bad conditions that lead to leaving a job (when it's not just kids getting older or nanny needing to move or what have you). But you just have to start looking even though every interview makes you sad. You just have to do it. And when a great offer comes in, you just think practically. You tell yourself "this is exactly what I've been looking for and I have to take it." And then you do. And when you leave the old position, you'll feel so sad and it will take a while to feel ok again. But hopefully you'll still be able to talk on the phone or babysit on date nights or meet for lunch. And even though you still love the kids, most days will be fine. And when you miss them terribly, you remember all the cuteness and you remember that you were never supposed to be there every day until they're grown, and you are thankful that you got to be such a big part of their lives for the time you had with them. And when you're caring for the new kids and you haven't bonded yet and it feels so empty compared to the family you miss so much, you just remind yourself that it took time to bond with the kids you now miss, too, and that it's ok.

Tl:dr- you make decisions from a practical place, not emotional, and you take the time to heal. And you give yourself a lot of grace.

[Anonymous]

You need to remind yourself that you are a professional and nannying is a job, and virtually always a job with a finite employment period with any family.

This is what you do.

Your post is full of melodrama. That won't serve you well in any job or position.

[Anonymous]

If possible, try to give your family a vague reason why you have to move on. Or outright lie and state that you are heading back to school, etc. Though it may be tough to hold up your story if you need their reference for another family.

This family does not sound very approachable nor down to earth so they most likely will be angry when you give them your walking papers. However to stay in a low paying position along with being treated without respect are two strong reasons that you should leave them.

I totally understand your attachment to your charge and you will miss her greatly. If possible, offer to do some occasional sitting for them, however something tells me they will use her as a pawn to get you to stay.

I am sorry, but you have to do what is best for YOU ultimately OP. You will surely miss your charge, but with time the hurt will lessen up and you will be surprised how quickly it will.

[Anonymous]

You do it with sadness and regret and the knowledge that you made her early years warm, loving, and fun but are not a parent and have to do the right thing for yourself.

But also, please don't put up a wall with your next charge. I see nannies like that and the bond they have with their charges is 10% of what it should be. This career will have a lot of painful partings in it, but the kids deserve to be loved and cherished by their caregivers.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don't know. I love my charge and feel devoted to his welfare. I am staying in a job where I get no appreciation or gratitude from my employers ONLY for my charge. I will never allow myself to get this attached ever again.