I am tired and frustrated

[Anonymous]

Suddenly I feel tired and frustrated all the time. I need to work 50 - 60 hours a week but that has never been an issue for me before. However lately my patience for my MB is wearing so thin... She is an indecisive person in general but I have been working for her for over two years and it never bothered me before either. Perhaps it is bugging me now as my charge is getting older (now 2 yrs and 2 months) and things need to be decided upon quicker. For example, if she doesn't sign him up for class NOW he will lose his spot (I've been telling her this for two weeks). We need to start the toilet training process at some point. I need a decision about play-dates at their home. I need to know when I will be needed to work late. I need to know my schedule for the month (slight variations) at the beginning of the month.

I love my charge (I've been his nanny since his birth) and get choked up even thinking about leaving this job so I feel like I am stuck. Everything I ask MB gets a "let me think about it" response and nothing more.

Honestly, I do not know what to do. They are also considering moving out of our neighborhood and never asked me how I feel about it even though they know I greatly reduced my rate for a no-driving commute and the ability to walk to work and walk my charge everywhere we need to go. Maybe their not consulting me on this issue has me bugged. I don't know...

[Anonymous]

ok I felt sorry for you until you said they never consulted you on their move....that's ridiculously out of line for you to feel upset about. you will not be in their lives forever and you have absolutely no say in where they live. my NF has moved 2x in the 4 years I've been with them and never in my wildest dreams would I even consider having any kind of say in it. if it's too far for me to commute, then they would find a new nanny. if I still find the commute reasonable or I enjoy working with them so much I have a longer commute, then that's what will happen. sorry you're feeling frustrated but that is just nuts

[Anonymous]

I assumed she meant that they should have consulted with her about whether the change of location would mean a change of rate for her.

OP, you need to quit. If you love your charge as you say, then you know he deserves better than a grumpy, burned-out nanny. Move on to something that is a better fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assumed she meant that they should have consulted with her about whether the change of location would mean a change of rate for her.

OP, you need to quit. If you love your charge as you say, then you know he deserves better than a grumpy, burned-out nanny. Move on to something that is a better fit.

I agree with this. The only way you should consider staying is if you set aside time to have a discussion with MB and go over these issues. Tell her the added commute means more expense and hassle and time for you to get to work, and needs to be reflected in your pay. Tell her that you find it frustrating when time sensitive decisions and actions are put off until the last minute. For the case of the class you mentioned, as an example, you could say that maybe going forward you can be the one to make some of those decisions (is she waffling about which class time to take, for example?), and actually do what is necessary to register DS (fill out an application she is obviously too busy to deal with, etc). You can also bring up the issue of the schedule, and tell her it is very stressful for you not to know your hours further in advance, and that you will require your schedule 4 weeks in advance going forward.

But honestly, that will be a difficult discussion to have. Although she might agree to increase your wages, and maybe give you more authority regarding some decisions, I can't see her suddenly changing all her ways just like that (especially with regard to decision making on things like potty training, play dates, etc, and the schedule issue as well). I've known MBs who delayed making decisions like that that they never intended to make at all (example: I started with a small infant, at the interview family said at this point they were limiting our outings to anywhere within walking distance, with the stroller, but we could reevaluate later. I have a safe, reliable car, clean driving record, etc. but even after the child turned 1, and then 2, MB kept saying she "wasn't ready" to let me drive her child in my car, or even take public transportation).

Regarding the schedule, I've worked with two families with a variable schedule. Both assured me they would let me know the schedule well in advance, but both times that didn't really end up happening. I couldn't schedule things for myself after work at all. I'd sometimes asked about specific days (getting off by 6 on said day) and pretty much every time they would say 2-3 weeks in advance, yes, you'll be off by x time that day, only to tell me the day before said day "we need you late tomorrow" (because they had forgotten I'd asked to be off by a certain time that day). Most of the time I just said okay, but the few times I reminded them I'd already confirmed with them weeks ago to get off by a certain time that day and that now I had plans I couldn't break, they would act like I was making their life so difficult and take it out on me in other passive aggressive ways.

It might just be time to move on, unless you want to keep dealing with MBs ways.

[Anonymous]

Your frustration is understandable.

Perhaps your Mom Boss is not aware of how big an issue this is for you OP. Not excusing her behavior one bit, but many working parents of young children have a lot on their plate(s).

She may think that these are small issues compared to other things going on in her life. Again, not trying to excuse her behavior...Just trying to offer some perspective for you.

If she knows how important it is for you to know certain things, she may put in more effort.

I would talk to her directly + explain just how vital it is for you to have definite answers about all the things you mentioned.

Hopefully she will make it more of a priority and will put more effort into this for your benefit.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for your responses.

As for consulting me about their move, I meant talked to me about needing to use my own car and mileage reimbursement - I certainly never, ever thought they would or should consult with me about moving!!! As I said, I took this job at a reduced rate ONLY because it was within a few blocks of my house. MB and DB know this. All they would have to do is acknowledge that this is not what I signed on for and I would be fine. They assume my rate will stay the same, they assume I would have no problem using my own car, they assume I will happily go from walking my charge everywhere to the hassle of driving and parking. I do think their assumptions have me bugged. I feel taken advantage of.

My feelings about my MB don't have any effect on my ability to work happily with my charge. If I ever thought I was burned out I would quit in an instant for his sake. I love the little guy dearly.

I feel I do need to sit her down and have her give me a timeline on when she will make the decisions that are important for him and tell her that I do not want to be constantly in the position of nagging her.

[Anonymous]

They will give a month notice very soon because its time to put their child into pre-school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will give a month notice very soon because its time to put their child into pre-school.

OP here. Not likely but thank you for your response.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is not possible that you are doing your best work with a family you dislike. Whether you want to admit it or not this is not working. Yes, wuitting will mean leaving your charge, but staying and having a combative relationship with his parents is not doing him any favors. Trust me, I have been there. As soon as you are in a new job where they appreciate you you will look back and realize how much better you are as a caregiver when you are actually happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will give a month notice very soon because its time to put their child into pre-school.

I was thinking the same thing. They're not responding because they don't need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They will give a month notice very soon because its time to put their child into pre-school.

I was thinking the same thing. They're not responding because they don't need to.

OP again and that is not the situation. MB is trying to get pregnant with her second and preschool MB/DB chose will not take him for another year and is only two hours a day.

MB has always had a hard time making a decision.

But you are all correct in that I may have to give notice anyway. I am getting entirely too frustrated with MB.

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar situation with my job as well, OP. I love my charge dearly and have always been devoted to his well being. However, I am so sick of MB that I could spit! I am so sick of her always acting like the victim in every situation when it simply is not reality.

[Anonymous]

Just ask for more structure, or write it up yourself and get her/him to sign off on it.