MB is contrary

[Anonymous]

MB is a bit self-involved and simply not a generous person nor a good manager. I am apparently not the only person who feels this way as she has lost every member of her "team" at work twice in the 2.5 years I have worked for her. I have gotten used to her ways and now smile to myself every morning when she doesn't even say "hello" to me.

However she has suddenly become extremely contrary. She immediately goes against anything I suggest for my charge. Some important things and some relatively stupid things. I've actually tested her on this - saying the opposite of what I think just to get what I feel my charge needs or is best for him.

I am an experienced and educated nanny and have had two stellar annual reviews from both MB and DB - the last just a few months ago - where I was given everything I asked for including a good raises. I have a wonderful relationship with my charge and he is very bonded with me.

What (if anything) should I do about this?

[Anonymous]

Your MB doesn't want your opinion, OP. She is only asking to "one up" you. Always respond to her questions with, "what do you think?".

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it amazes me that any nanny/mother relationship ever works.

[Anonymous]

How do you know about her work life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know about her work life?

OP here. MB tells me about her work life all the time and has complained about all of her subordinates asking for transfers and/or leaving the company.

[Anonymous]

I think that all jobs have some things that are not ideal, but if overall, the balance of what you like is giving you satisfaction and the compensation is meeting your financial needs, then try to keep this in perspective. Your boss is rude and lacks social grace. That's not ideal, but is it oppressive? Do you feel dread every day you walk into work? If not, then try to take it for what it is - annoying, but not life altering. Every time you feel annoyed, acknowledge to yourself that you are right to feel annoyed, because her behavior is annoying, but don't allow yourself to feel more than that. Don't get carried away, as some people do, about conspiracy theories or thinking that your boss's only joy in life is to make you miserable. That's not what you describe, so just be annoyed but keep it at that. You sound like you have your coping mechanisms and work-arounds in place - use them when needed and try to enjoy the rest of the job for what it is, which is well-paying and with a child you genuinely enjoy spending your days with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that all jobs have some things that are not ideal, but if overall, the balance of what you like is giving you satisfaction and the compensation is meeting your financial needs, then try to keep this in perspective. Your boss is rude and lacks social grace. That's not ideal, but is it oppressive? Do you feel dread every day you walk into work? If not, then try to take it for what it is - annoying, but not life altering. Every time you feel annoyed, acknowledge to yourself that you are right to feel annoyed, because her behavior is annoying, but don't allow yourself to feel more than that. Don't get carried away, as some people do, about conspiracy theories or thinking that your boss's only joy in life is to make you miserable. That's not what you describe, so just be annoyed but keep it at that. You sound like you have your coping mechanisms and work-arounds in place - use them when needed and try to enjoy the rest of the job for what it is, which is well-paying and with a child you genuinely enjoy spending your days with.

OP here. Excellent advice - thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that all jobs have some things that are not ideal, but if overall, the balance of what you like is giving you satisfaction and the compensation is meeting your financial needs, then try to keep this in perspective. Your boss is rude and lacks social grace. That's not ideal, but is it oppressive? Do you feel dread every day you walk into work? If not, then try to take it for what it is - annoying, but not life altering. Every time you feel annoyed, acknowledge to yourself that you are right to feel annoyed, because her behavior is annoying, but don't allow yourself to feel more than that. Don't get carried away, as some people do, about conspiracy theories or thinking that your boss's only joy in life is to make you miserable. That's not what you describe, so just be annoyed but keep it at that. You sound like you have your coping mechanisms and work-arounds in place - use them when needed and try to enjoy the rest of the job for what it is, which is well-paying and with a child you genuinely enjoy spending your days with.

OP here. Excellent advice - thank you!

+1 PP, you should copy what you wrote and repost it on virtually every thread where there is a nanny/MB conflict. Very sound advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB is a bit self-involved and simply not a generous person nor a good manager. I am apparently not the only person who feels this way as she has lost every member of her "team" at work twice in the 2.5 years I have worked for her. I have gotten used to her ways and now smile to myself every morning when she doesn't even say "hello" to me.

However she has suddenly become extremely contrary. She immediately goes against anything I suggest for my charge. Some important things and some relatively stupid things. I've actually tested her on this - saying the opposite of what I think just to get what I feel my charge needs or is best for him.

I am an experienced and educated nanny and have had two stellar annual reviews from both MB and DB - the last just a few months ago - where I was given everything I asked for including a good raises. I have a wonderful relationship with my charge and he is very bonded with me.

What (if anything) should I do about this?

You are a petty, petty person and I'm certain that you don't know anything about your boss's work life.

In answer to your question, there is nothing you should do about this. You haven't identified a problem, unless you count that your MB doesn't say good morning to you. As for contrary, well, you haven't given any examples and considering the attitude you show here, I'm not sure you're remotely believable.

You're there to do a job. Follow the parents' wishes and do what is required of you without being sneaky or fake. If you can't manage that, get another job. Pretty simple, really.

[Anonymous]

MB here- your boss sounds overwhelmed. It is very hard to be a manger of multiple people (I am too) I have people coming to me all day long looking for answers and find it hard to do my own work. And then going home and managing a nanny is hard too. No she is not handling it well.

So either, cut her some slack and stop testing her- you have no idea what she is dealing with at work.
Or if she is too unbearable, quit.
Please don't make her life harder out of spite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB is a bit self-involved and simply not a generous person nor a good manager. I am apparently not the only person who feels this way as she has lost every member of her "team" at work twice in the 2.5 years I have worked for her. I have gotten used to her ways and now smile to myself every morning when she doesn't even say "hello" to me.

However she has suddenly become extremely contrary. She immediately goes against anything I suggest for my charge. Some important things and some relatively stupid things. I've actually tested her on this - saying the opposite of what I think just to get what I feel my charge needs or is best for him.

I am an experienced and educated nanny and have had two stellar annual reviews from both MB and DB - the last just a few months ago - where I was given everything I asked for including a good raises. I have a wonderful relationship with my charge and he is very bonded with me.

What (if anything) should I do about this?

You are a petty, petty person and I'm certain that you don't know anything about your boss's work life.

In answer to your question, there is nothing you should do about this. You haven't identified a problem, unless you count that your MB doesn't say good morning to you. As for contrary, well, you haven't given any examples and considering the attitude you show here, I'm not sure you're remotely believable.

You're there to do a job. Follow the parents' wishes and do what is required of you without being sneaky or fake. If you can't manage that, get another job. Pretty simple, really.

You're an ass, PP. Go out and get a life for yourself.

signed, An MB

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are in this position, OP. There is no reason on earth why a person can not say a simple "good morning" or "hello" to an employee standing in their house and caring for their child. However, as you wrote, she is probably like this with everyone so it is not personal. Let it roll off your back. She is establishing dominance by being so contrary so accept her insecurity and smile.

Many, many bright and educated people simply cannot manage people well. Your MB sounds like one of them.

All the best to you.

[Anonymous]

Good idea, the reverse psychology trick.

Anyway since you love your charge + your pay if good, then just try to have as little contact w/your Mom Boss if you can. Simply speak to her only when you need to and try to keep things short and sweet.

GL.

[Anonymous]

Whenever my charge acts too attached to me or asks for me when I am not there, my MB gets the same way or finds something to pick at me about. Always something stupid (like "Please fold her t-shirts with the arms on top not inside the fold!") I try to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

While I try to be a good employer and supervisor, I understand OP's post as my boss at work is exactly like this. It is a very challenging situation. I have no solutions but to do the very best that I can and try to ignore his moody crap. If this man ever said, "good morning" to me I would drop-dead in shock!