Nanny left house unsecured and was MIA with child

[Anonymous]

We live on a very busy street next to the metro. It is well trafficked on foot and petty and violent crimes are prevalent. We are near a shopping and entertainment district and there are also some very exclusive historic homes with many high ticket items visible to criminals. I arrived home about 40 minutes early today. I brought home my laptop and my kris were in the bottom of the bag, so I rang the bell. No answer. I touched the door and it was open. The screen door, deadbolt and other locks. My front door has an entrance and it was open. Nanny's purse, lunch bag, shoes, little one's shoes, keys to the house, car and fence were strewn about. Car seat was in front hall. Stroller and carrier were also in the hallway. I noticed our car was not parked in the alley. I called for nanny and son. No response. I walked in our backyard, to the bus stop they sometimes wait, the dog park, the playground. Nowhere.

Our nanny texts or calls about everything. I started to worry. I texted her and no response. Called and no response. Decided to walk home and see if they were there. No one was home. Called again and phone went straight to voice mail. No response for 20 minutes. Searched house for notes. Nothing.i started to panic, worry, think the worst.

I wondered if I should call the police. In walks nanny with son. They have been in neighbor's yard playing with chickens(trespassing). I asked why the house was left unlocked and no response. She said she was "just around the block"and no need to lock door. We have lots of robberies. It's a busy street-think Logan Circle or Penn.

Nanny hugged me. I noticed my son was flushed and he said he was hot. My son is a young toddler. He downed a water bottle. Nanny said they had been out for an hour.

My husband is traveling for work but I am livid. Not only because she left my family and home vulnerable to crime but also because she was so inresponsive to me.

[Anonymous]

What would you do? Am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

yuck, I'd be upset and disappointed. Just tell her you were scared to find the house wide open, all her stuff and the kids stuff around and no people!

Followup by saying just please grab a water and keys next time.

also, chickens frequently peck children so be careful so you don't get 4 stitches like my kid when he went to pet a rooster. Not to mention the bird poop everywhere.

[Anonymous]

If the nanny thought that leaving the house unsecured and not being available on the phone was no big deal and not worth even an apology, then I'd be livid too. How long have you had this nanny and is it the first time that she's done something where you question her judgement?

I can't really imagine our nanny doing something like this so I don't know how I'd react, but if I ever felt that I couldn't trust someone's judgement then I know I wouldn't want them to be responsible for my children.

[Anonymous]

Wait, she was next door? Like, could she see your house? What does playing with chickens have to do with trespassing, do your neighbors not know they come by? How long have you had her? Has she caused you to question her judgment before?

I wouldn't be happy about this at all and would certainly have a sit-down or amend the contract to reflect expectations (I once lived with a roommate in a dangerous urban neighborhood who insisted locking the door was a bother and unnecessary...which is clearly idiotic) but I'm not 100% clear on what happened here. I would not be concerned about your son being flushed and thirsty unless she is regularly unprepared for their outings (it happens, we all survive), but not locking up the house or having/answering her phone would be worth a warning at least.

[Anonymous]

She has been with us over a year. I found out our neighbors were not home and she was in their yard looking at their chickens. She had to hop/scale their fence to get in. They are behind our house but you can't see either house due to a large privacy fence/brick wall.

I'm most upset about the house being left open and no response despite multiple calls and texts when I found the house insecure. Normally I don't text or all, but she does both a lot as far as to me and my husband but not personal calls or texts

[Anonymous]

That wouldn't be cool for me at all. I'm from NY. We lock doors every single time we leave our property. Throwing out trash in the garage trash bins? No lock. But going next door? Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has been with us over a year. I found out our neighbors were not home and she was in their yard looking at their chickens. She had to hop/scale their fence to get in. They are behind our house but you can't see either house due to a large privacy fence/brick wall.

I'm most upset about the house being left open and no response despite multiple calls and texts when I found the house insecure. Normally I don't text or all, but she does both a lot as far as to me and my husband but not personal calls or texts

Well, if they'd simply been caught up in an activity and she wasn't checking or hearing her phone I'd understand, but all of these things combined leads me to think her judgment is not adequate.

[Anonymous]

NO you are not overreacting here.

I think anytime a parent comes home earlier than expected, they are bound to find something they are unhappy with. And you have every right to be unhappy.

Give her an issued strong warning to correct her behavior. If she continues this again, fire her.

However your trust may be broken completely at this time. Understandably and if that is the case, then fire her now.

Your call.

[Anonymous]

I don't really understand why your nanny would scale a fence to get into your neighbor's yard. Did she carry your child over the fence with her? Did she leave him waiting on the other side and let him in? That in and of itself is bizarre.

That being said, it sounds like your nanny was outside playing and engaging with your child. You came home early and interfered with their schedule. People complain on these boards constantly about nannies being chained to their phones, but the minute a nanny is out of reach for 20 minutes because she's interacting with her charge, she'd irresponsible and a bad nanny. I don't live in a high crime area, but I also don't lock the door if we're just outside playing. Maybe they were in the driveway playing, your son saw the chickens and wanted to take a closer look, and then nanny forgot to lock the door?

I don't know, but it seems to me like you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

[Anonymous]

I am pretty laidback in general OP and I would be QUITE upset about this.

Some of the specifics might or might not trouble me (hot kid isn't necessarily anything more than a hot day and fun playing, leaving the house open for a couple of minutes if you're truly just next door, etc...) And if you weren't explicitly clear about not leaving the house unsecured before then you need to do so now, and in the future with any other people in your house. Be extremely direct about your concerns about the neighborhood and make it very clear that the house should always be locked up.

However, the fact that she was not in contact with you and then didn't show any concern when she got back and you were upset, is hugely concerning to me. If my nanny doesn't take very seriously a situation where I have been visibly upset about the safely of my child and home on her watch, then that's a huge problem IMO.

Also, I don't think she should be "scaling fences" for crying out loud. I have neighbors with whom we have backyard privileges. But we also have easily accessible yards. My kids and hers are free to play on our playground equipment, driveways, etc... but we have talked that through and my nanny knows the parameters. Unauthorized access of the sort you're describing seems completely inappropriate.

And I think a nanny should always have her phone w/ her in case of emergency, or a parent needing to be in contact, etc...

So I'm with you. I think you need a very direct conversation with your nanny. If she doesn't express some remorse and understanding of why you were concerned I would be seriously considering replacing her very soon.

[Anonymous]

I do not believe you, OP. Your fanciful story is ludicrous.

[Anonymous]

Why are you hugging your nannying? You need some boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO you are not overreacting here.

I think anytime a parent comes home earlier than expected, they are bound to find something they are unhappy with. And you have every right to be unhappy.

Give her an issued strong warning to correct her behavior. If she continues this again, fire her.

However your trust may be broken completely at this time. Understandably and if that is the case, then fire her now.

Your call.

+1. I would address this calmly, however, with as little emotion as possible.

[Anonymous]

A) I live in the 'burbs and would not ever lock my house to walk around the block. Perhaps your nanny's home situation is the same so I think a reminder that this is a busy city street so she needs to be more crime-conscious is needed. But given that in MANY neighborhoods I think a lot of people would not lock the door in they were pretty close by I would not be furious.

B) "no response despite multiple calls and texts"
ugh! My DH is like you, OP. If I don't pick up he calls and calls and calls and calls. Same with texts. Guess why- it is NOT that the other person is screening all 10 of your calls; they never heard/felt the first one so they don't feel/hear the next 9 either. I HATE feeling like my phone is a leash that people think they should be able to reach me through every minute of every day. It's a useful tool but please do not expect that it's reasonable for your nanny to hear your call/text.