How to handle a bad reference?
![[Post New]](/nanny-forum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
A family I worked for 2.5 years ago emailed me today telling X. We had too many people asking for a reference. If you want us to give a reference, only give an email. I have become less enthusiastic about giving positive feedback for you. I have less and less time to devote to this and will not spend time on calls. We had one family contact us saying how it didn't work out. We only want to give a reference if you are going to positively meet the needs of these families."
I worked for them for a year. We had a decent relationship. I did my part but they paid me a low wage, never giving me the raise they promised, and their checks bounced on numerous occasions. They were pretty pissed when I gave notice and let me go next day. They even said I was great with their daughter. I explained that I interview with 5-10 families ( some babysitting) at a time and I guess a lot of them liked me. The " bad" family who contacted them was a family who was horrible. I worked for them for about two weeks. The mom worked from home and rudely made comments and bitched about her last nanny all the time. It was just a bad fit so I left. I gave two weeks notice but they told me not to come back. They never even paid me for my last week there ( paid weekly). Now I don't know if I should use them or not. Im afraid they may give me a bad reference or no reference at all. I've been with two families since, both wonderful. I think it may look fishy if I don't give a reference for them. I'd say they gave received a total of 15 - 20 nanny and babysitting families contact them in a 2.5 span. Do you think that's a crazy amount? |
Anonymous
| Crazy attracts crazy. |
Anonymous
| Yes, 20 calls is a lot. Why so many OP? |
Anonymous
I have a lot of interest. After one position ended I had a lot of interest. I interviewed with 10 families and received offers from 9 of them. I'm assuming they all called references. After that ended ( they moved) I interviewed with 5 families and received 3 offers. I've also had a few ( 3-4) babysitting positions that wanted to speak to references. So in the 2.5 years ( almost 3) that's how many called and for those reasons. |
Anonymous
You should be weeding through these families better. Don't give your references unless you are pretty certain you would accept the offer. I've been offered the majority of jobs I interviewed for, but I know by the end of the interview if it will be a fit or not and I only five references if I feel confident that it's a good match. I cannot imagine having NINE families that I was interested in enough to give references. This is why you have had bad experiences (like the 2 weeks with the crazy family). You need to hone your judgement. Remember that you are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you. In the short term, apologize and promise to only share their email going forward and promise that you will only use them as a reference if you really need to, then do so. |
Anonymous
| I mix up my refs so it isn't the same people getting called all the time. I usually do one long term and a couple date night. She's telling you she's getting too many calls, so it's time to start using someone else. It's ok to only give two refs if you think yours are getting too many calls and tell the interested party that you can give another if they can reach the first two. But really, I don't give my refs out to every person I interview with; only the ones I'm truly interested in working with and I'm pretty up front about that with the people in interviewing with. I say something like I give out reference contact info after the interview and we're both interested in moving forward. It's never been a problem. |
Anonymous
|
Okay, OP. In the future, get a WRITTEN letter of recommendation from employers.
Yes, 15 calls is about 13 too many. Also, don't always give the same person as a reference. Lastly, don't give references to everyone you interview with. Fun fact - I have NEVER been asked for references. Don't offer them up; wait instead to see if you're asked for them. |
Anonymous
|
Do you hand out their contact information prior to meeting w/them OP? I have seen some ads where the parents ask to see references upon meeting in person. I never do this as I feel this exhausts my references. Instead, I offer them to a family that I not only have personally interviewed for, but one where I feel compatible with.
Perhaps you can ask this previous family to simply write you a letter of recommendation. Then explain to any prospective families that this family is pretty busy and does not have much time to field reference calls. Your two other references should suffice. |
Anonymous
|
OP here. I've only worked for four families and I guess I'm handling references wrong. I generally just include my references in a little packet containing my resume, recommendation letters, documents, etc. I make one for very family and give it to them in the beginning for them to look through. A lot of families have really liked me bringing a packet and have complimented me on them. Do I take out my references sheet and hand it to them only if is a good fit? Or should I wait until after the interviewed and they ask for references?
I think the most difficult is many now are asking for references beforehand. I tell them I do not do that and they ask they ask me to bring it to the interview. |
Anonymous
Keep in mind that many of these people know nothing about having employees, okay OP? So they don't know what they're doing either. But the proper thing for them to do is to only call your reference if they think they want to hire you - calling the reference is basically a way for them to get confirmation that you are as good as you seem to be through the interview. Just write on your resume "References will be provided upon request." |
Anonymous
| Don't use this family as a reference again. Only give your references if you truly want the job and when asked. I've gotten jobs without even giving my references. I also mix mine up and I only give out 2 when asked |
Anonymous
I say a flat out "no" when anyone requests my references before meeting. Then during the interview, I decide if I would take the job if offered. If yes, of course I give my references. If no, then I pretend I forgot them. You can still give your "packet" but not include your references. 15 to 20 calls is way too many for one reference. |
Anonymous
|
Packet includes resume listing length of jobs, ages of children and duties for each family but no contact info, along with several letters of reference as well as certifications, proof of immunity, etc.
If the interview goes well, I will email them the next day to follow up, thank them for meeting with me and give them my references (and I usually only give 3, all of which are families with whom I have a friend/family type relationship, and they don't mind being my reference). |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks! I did give out his info but I know a few only called the two people that gave me letters of recommendation. I will just throw there contact info away. It sucks because I liked them as people and then try started acting like douches when I decided to leave. |
Anonymous
|
Tell the family that's fed up that you're sorry they've had so many calls. Tell them you will not be giving out references until you know you're a final candidate, but that in any regard you will take them off your list.
Then ask them if they would be willing to email you a written reference instead. And then, never give your resumes out until you know that you're the top candidate (or one of two) for a position. No reference should be expected to have the same conversation on your behalf 20 times, and there is no way to give that reference that many times without it becoming incredibly stale and canned. |