s/o nanny supervising playdates

[Anonymous]

Is it ever ok to ask a nanny if another child can come over for a playdate without having his or her parent present?

I have 3 kids, DS is 7 and my daughters are 4 and 2. Not all, but one or two of DS's friends I'm happy to have over because the boys go off and play nicely together (usually Lego or video games) and I can play with my daughters and it's actually easier that trying to just referee with my own 3. The nanny has met the boys, and I'd like to suggest to her that maybe we could set up playdates with either of them, but at the same time I feel weird asking her to watch another kid. I would probably only consider this on afternoons when DH is working from home so that he could help out if the boys weren't behaving, and also only for a short while before I get home (maybe an hour?) so that the boys have a chance to actually play before it's time for dinner and then I'd be taking the friend home after that.

So far I have been hesitant to suggest this because it is technically watching a 4th child, but since in reality I find it easier than watching my own 3 by themselves, would this be ok to ask? Or is it just never ok to ask the nanny to supervise a playdate without paying extra (which I probably wouldn't do - I'd probably just limit playdates to weekends instead)?

[Anonymous]

For me personally, I'm ok with a play date that last around 2 hours, 3 max.
If it's every Thursday from 2-4, I'm gonna think the other mom has a standing appointment and uses me for free childcare.

And clearly, another child coming from for 10 hours is ridiculous and definitely not a play date.

[Anonymous]

If you're not going to pay, then it would only be fair if the other boys family reciprocated the play date on their end. For example, if nanny watches the four kids for two hours one week, then the next week your DS should have a two hour playdate at his friends house during nanny's hours, so that she is just watching your two DDs during that time.

You can say it is easier for you all you want but ultimately that may not be nanny's experience. Having another child present is always a wildcard, and at best, an added liability. What happens if DS' friend gets injured accidentally while playing with DS while nanny is tending to DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're not going to pay, then it would only be fair if the other boys family reciprocated the play date on their end. For example, if nanny watches the four kids for two hours one week, then the next week your DS should have a two hour playdate at his friends house during nanny's hours, so that she is just watching your two DDs during that time.

You can say it is easier for you all you want but ultimately that may not be nanny's experience. Having another child present is always a wildcard, and at best, an added liability. What happens if DS' friend gets injured accidentally while playing with DS while nanny is tending to DD?

OP here - I completely get the fairness point. For that matter, I have tried to make the summer easier for the nanny by having DS in half-day camp most weeks so he got to see his friends there and the nanny only had all 3 kids for the afternoon when the girls (and often DS) were napping. In reality this is probably a moot point since the nanny is going on vacation starting on Friday and school goes back as soon as she gets back and then we're in to the regular school whirlwind of activities so I guess there won't be many opportunities anyway. I guess I'm just wondering in general if it's ever ok.

As I mentioned in the first post I'd only consider this on a day when DH is working from home since he would be there as backup if anything happened. I definitely wouldn't want the nanny to feel taken advantage of, which is why I haven't mentioned it. But I also know DS (and older DD) are both going to be asking for more playdates than I can arrange on weekends only so I wonder how to accommodate that.

[Anonymous]

Almost anything is ok if nanny and parents all agree.

[Anonymous]

Ask her how she would feel about it without putting any pressure on her to accept. See what she says.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here won't take that responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and would have no problem with this. Play dates are totally fine and make for happy kids.

[Anonymous]

I have an AP, but she is constantly scheduling play dates unsupervised at wither our house or theirs. It's a balance and as long as the other parent reciprocates, everyone wins. My kids are 5&9 and we stopped supervised play dates once both of my kids hit preschool at 3. My boys have a great group of kids they play with and have been doing this for years.

[Anonymous]

What I would do OP is talk to her and see what she thinks.

Like you stated, having another child your son's age is beneficial since your son will have another person his age to entertain him and keep him occupied. As a nanny, I would actually appreciate that.

However that being said, there are some nannies that would feel put out by being responsible for another child. Period.

So it would all depend on your nanny's viewpoint here.

[Anonymous]

My son goes over to his best friend's house with the nanny all the time. I (Mom) and friendly with both the other Mom and the Nanny, so I organize playdates directly with the Nanny (after checking with the Mom the first couple times). I host the friend without the nanny, as well. I think the important thing is that I'm not relying on the Nanny to be my kid's child care. We host reciprocal playdates for the kids. I would never ever want her to feel like I was taking advantage of her.

[Anonymous]

OP here - so I asked the nanny yesterday if she'd be ok with it and her answer was "Of course that's fine!"

[Anonymous]

I never do playdates. I would tell my mb's I do not want to be responsible for what another child do in your home. Nor will I take your child to another's home and be held responsible if your child accidentslly break something..I'm very upfront on this when asked..playdates should be done with parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never do playdates. I would tell my mb's I do not want to be responsible for what another child do in your home. Nor will I take your child to another's home and be held responsible if your child accidentslly break something..I'm very upfront on this when asked..playdates should be done with parents

You are in thr wrong profession.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny I resin ally prefer to do playmates without the other mom or nanny present. I feel forced to entertain and talk to them etc. whenever I've done it with other mbs I could feel them attempting to poach me from my nf or thinking we would become neighborhood gossip buddies. With other nannys I have problems with being annoyed with language barriers or with them thinking they can chill and leave discipline etc to me. I don't need the play date they kids do, so I don't like feeling like I have to be overly social when there are art projects, dinner, or chores I could be working on and I don't want help. And I certainly don't want other nannys thinking I'm going to come over and help them fold laundry. Yes just drop off the child and come back in about an hour and half or so. I'm good