Help - 13 month old screaming all day:(
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Anonymous
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I'm babysitting a 13 month old with severe separation anxiety. His mom works PT and was only been cared for by his mom, dad, and grandma. His mom has been home FT for 4 months. He's had one other sitter but he was asleep before she showed. He woke up and screamed over an hour until the parents came home. I offered to babysit because she needed someone asap. He hasn't stopped screaming since the dad left. He is refusing bottles, won't play, but won't let me put him down either. He also has a mild cold and is teething.
I'm very experienced with infants and toddler and have never dealt with such extreme. He literally cried for two hours straight. I've been here since 6am and the mom is telling me " he doesn't do that with me..are you sure you're doing that right?". Obviously he is used to her and not going to do it. They asked me to help out all week ( MB is out of town) and I'm asking how to help him cope? Distraction and affection and hasn't worked. My boyfriend told me to tell them I am can't help, but I feel bad. It's not his fault and I don't want to leave them in a lurch. Help! |
Anonymous
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Get him out of the house. As soon as you get there go on an adventure (and prepare the parents for this plan if need be.) Go for walks, go look at fountains, take him on a kiddie train, take him to the library and let him play with the toys and books, go find a sandbox or have them get a water table he can play with, etc...
Try sensory stimulating experiences that will distract him and especially get him out of his environment. Then he is busy being exposed to new things, forgets what he was worked up about, and starts seeing you as the primary person he relies on when you're out and about. I'm a mom, not a nanny, but on occasions when we've needed interim care (nanny vacation or medical leave) I've seen a range of expertise in managing these kinds of dynamics. We had one temporary nanny come in, ask for the quick rundown and contact info from us, and then immediately say "Come on, let's get shoes on and go outside. I saw some deer in the woods- let's go find them!" My uncertain kids were instantly distracted and happily went off exploring with her. (They were just under 2 at this point.) I turned to my husband and said "She's great, they will be totally fine. I'm going to work." It was a powerful lesson for me. 
So see if really changing the environment helps. It can't hurt to try! Good luck. |
Anonymous
Thanks for the tips. I've suggested going out but the mom said she wants us to stay in. I guess she doesn't feel comfortable with me taking him out. I know it's heartbreaking for her but it's upsetting she keeps saying I must be doing something wrong. I'm trying everything since 6am and nothing is helping. He's also slapped me twice when I tried feeding him. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the others. Get the kiddo out. The more fun you guys have the more the poor babe won't freak out. |
Anonymous
Like I said, the parents do not want us going out anywhere. They have no backyard ( 3rd floor) so not much to do but stay inside. |
Anonymous
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Well, if you can't convince the mother to let you try something else then it's useless (and I'm the prior MB poster saying this.)
She is setting you up to fail. You can tell her that in your experience a child who has never had a new caregiver needs help adjusting. Right now, he does see something wrong in his well established world - there is a stranger invading it. Let him experience some other change of pace and you will start seeming familiar. If he has something new and different to focus on he'll forget about you being new. If she won't hear that then you have to decide if you can stand it in the short term. I'd really be tempted to say "I'm sorry, but if I'm unable to take him out of the apartment I don't think he is going to adjust quickly enough for me to help you. Good luck." I know I should be more sympathetic about parents who are this anxious, but I'm really not. I think it does a real disservice to the kids to shelter them so fully. |
Anonymous
I appreciate your feedback. I have discussed getting out with him and go for a walk or to the park. She said no twice. I've tried talking with he about why we should but she is not comfortable with that as I'm new and the only daytime sitter he's had. I think it would be fine if I were able to get him out of the house, but I can't change that. I'm going to be here until 4 and if it doesn't change at all, I'm telling them it won't work out. I feel bad but it's not helping him or me. Him being sick ( didn't know about prior to) and teething is adding greatly to his demeanor. This is just a sucky situation and MB's comments are making me question my competence as a nanny. Most of my experience is with babies I've had very young, but I've started with toddlers. The most they cried was 10-15 minutes and we were out the door or distracted. |
Anonymous
| Nanny here: my tip would be to hold him facing away from you so he can't see your face. I'm working with a little one who also has SA and this is the only way I comfort her without her screaming... |
Anonymous
| The mom needs a shrink and you need to get out of there. Nanny isolation is insane for anyone. |
Anonymous
| Give the child LOVE LOVE LOVE! No matter what if you become fustrated the child can feel it try to remain calm sing songs rub his/her back and let the child know in your most calmest voice that everything will be just fine. Cuddle the child etc. |
Anonymous
| Give the child LOVE LOVE LOVE! No matter what if you become fustrated the child can feel it try to remain calm sing songs rub his/her back and let the child know in your most calmest voice that everything will be just fine. Cuddle the child etc. (Nanny) |
Anonymous
Most calmest? I would fire you for your poor grammar alone. |
Anonymous
| I'd quit. MB is a pain in the ass and so is her kid. Get out of there! |
Anonymous
Bullshit. The kid is impossible. Quit.. |
Anonymous
Bullshit. The kid is impossible. Quit.. |