Nanny lied about something strange. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

We had our nanny come for an evening to babysit. Our daughter usually goes to bed between 7-7:30, we asked the nanny to put her to bed at 7:15. Since it was our nanny's first time babysitting for us at night, we texted around 7:30 to ask how bedtime went. She said it went well, and our daughter was asleep.

We have a dropcam in our daughter's bedroom (not hidden), so we accessed it from our phones, just to take a peek. Our daughter was not sleeping, she wasn't even in her crib. We checked again a few minutes later, and she still wasn't there. Then after 15-20 more minutes, the nanny came into the room with her.

We don't care that our daughter went to bed later, the whole thing is just very strange. I can't, for the life of me, figure out why the nanny would lie about something like that. We are good, relaxed employers and she has no reason to think we would be upset about our daughter going to bed later.

I plan to speak with her about it, but am just feeling more and more uneasy about the fact that she lied about something so silly. Makes me wonder what else she has been dishonest about. She's only supposed to work for us for another couple of weeks but I am wondering if I should just let her go early. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Weird. But not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. You probably are not as laid back as you think and she didn't want to get into a hassle with you. Dumb to lie when there are nanny cams.

Could she had misunderstood you? (As in she is a foreign nanny?)

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that DD was in bed and quiet when nanny texted you but then got up for some reason? I've had that happen, where I texted that kids were down then had someone poop or something 2 minutes later

[Anonymous]

Did dd maybe fall asleep outside of her crib like in nannys arms ?

[Anonymous]

She was probably busy trying to get your dd down and didn't have time to send you a detailed text on what was going on. It's hard to portray what is going on in a text, maybe baby was a little fussy but not in distress and she didn't want to worry you. If you have a drop cam why did you text to begin with? You could have just checked to see if baby was down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was probably busy trying to get your dd down and didn't have time to send you a detailed text on what was going on. It's hard to portray what is going on in a text, maybe baby was a little fussy but not in distress and she didn't want to worry you. If you have a drop cam why did you text to begin with? You could have just checked to see if baby was down.

This. Sounds like you are getting ready to send your baby to daycare and are looking for fault with the nanny to ease your conscience. Either way it is no big deal. The baby could have woken up between your text and your spying.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she was just trying to assure you that all was well so that you would enjoy your night out. You should've texted or spied, but both is a little much. Just let it go!

[Anonymous]

Yes to all the above. Maybe child was quiet when you texted, then needed an adult, or maybe child was in the process of going to bed and she didn't want to worry you. Whether you're relaxed or not (I don't know you), your nanny clearly didn't want to stress or disappoint you. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

I find it more strange that you felt the need to remotely access the drop cam on what was (presumably) supposed to be a fun date night for you and DH. You need to chiiiiiiill out.

[Anonymous]

OP here. First of all, it was our first time leaving our daughter at night. She has had some issues that have made her difficult to put down at night, which have recently been resolved, so we jumped on the chance to get out.

We do not use the dropcam to "spy" on the nanny. After she said our daughter was asleep, we just wanted to peek in (we were waiting somewhere in a long line), it was a spur of the moment thing. Seriously no big deal. This was hours into our time away.

I am a former nanny, so I understand the relationship from both sides. Under no circumstances is it okay to lie to a parent about matters concerning their children. Say, for argument's sake, I am the most horrible employer ever. That still does not excuse a nanny lying, however trivial her lie might be. And, that is just what gets me -- the fact that she lied about something trivial. How do I know what else she is or isn't lying about?

(And no, I don't feel guilty for letting our nanny go. She has known the end date of the job for months. She only has part-time availability and we now need full-time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. First of all, it was our first time leaving our daughter at night. She has had some issues that have made her difficult to put down at night, which have recently been resolved, so we jumped on the chance to get out.

We do not use the dropcam to "spy" on the nanny. After she said our daughter was asleep, we just wanted to peek in (we were waiting somewhere in a long line), it was a spur of the moment thing. Seriously no big deal. This was hours into our time away.

I am a former nanny, so I understand the relationship from both sides. Under no circumstances is it okay to lie to a parent about matters concerning their children. Say, for argument's sake, I am the most horrible employer ever. That still does not excuse a nanny lying, however trivial her lie might be. And, that is just what gets me -- the fact that she lied about something trivial. How do I know what else she is or isn't lying about?

(And no, I don't feel guilty for letting our nanny go. She has known the end date of the job for months. She only has part-time availability and we now need full-time).

So it is not possible that your nanny put her down when she said but woke up and nanny went in to get her before you looked on the nanny cam?

Ask your nanny but I just don't see this as the major "slippery slope" (what else is she lying about) issue that you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. First of all, it was our first time leaving our daughter at night. She has had some issues that have made her difficult to put down at night, which have recently been resolved, so we jumped on the chance to get out.

We do not use the dropcam to "spy" on the nanny. After she said our daughter was asleep, we just wanted to peek in (we were waiting somewhere in a long line), it was a spur of the moment thing. Seriously no big deal. This was hours into our time away.

I am a former nanny, so I understand the relationship from both sides. Under no circumstances is it okay to lie to a parent about matters concerning their children. Say, for argument's sake, I am the most horrible employer ever. That still does not excuse a nanny lying, however trivial her lie might be. And, that is just what gets me -- the fact that she lied about something trivial. How do I know what else she is or isn't lying about?

(And no, I don't feel guilty for letting our nanny go. She has known the end date of the job for months. She only has part-time availability and we now need full-time).

So it is not possible that your nanny put her down when she said but woke up and nanny went in to get her before you looked on the nanny cam?

Ask your nanny but I just don't see this as the major "slippery slope" (what else is she lying about) issue that you do.

I don't think that's possible since we looked quickly after we got word that she was asleep.

Thanks for your perspective. The issue at hand is not at all serious, but I'm still bothered by being lied to. I just don't understand why she would lie about such a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

I would be bothered. I honestly wouldn't feel comfortable having her watch my child again. My husband and I do not tolerate lying. And I agree, no matter how horrible I may or may not be is no excuse to lie about the child sleeping or not sleeping. If I was that horrible, then quit.

What if she put kid down late and kid slept late and I worried kid was sick all day or something. It is stupid, but if I knew my kid went down late and l slept late - I'd understand and not worry! Details can be important.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I spoke with her about it, and she didn't seem to have a clue what I was talking about. She didn't seem defensive, either. (And yes, her English is good but there are sometimes language issues.)

I am wondering if there was some sort of technical issue, like a lag with the dropcam feed. It would had to have been happening for 20+ minutes, but it is a possibility.

Not sure what to think, but my gut is telling me she's telling the truth. It's just so bizarre given what we saw.

[Anonymous]

this whole thing is bizarre. and by that I mean your spying, your creating a thread, and your making a mountain out of a molehill. you went above and beyond