3 yo can't entertain himself for even 2-5 minutes

[Anonymous]

How to help a 3 year old who still can't play alone? We get maybe five minutes max before he's pestering "come help me come help me come play with me will you play with me" or becoming destructive/aggressive by throwing toys or hitting his little brother (who, incidentally, has been able to play alone since he was born!), and ultimately just leaves whatever he's doing to follow you around. Can anyone recommend systems or methods to help him? We try an egg timer but he just sits and stares at it, or picks it up and carries it around with us...

[Anonymous]

In about four or five years that child will be diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In about four or five years that child will be diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.

Agreed. My charge is pretty good at playing alone when I'm making his lunch or picking up toys. He's two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In about four or five years that child will be diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.

Interesting response here.

OP, have you considered bringing this up to the parents?

[Anonymous]

He's a special needs child in the making.

[Anonymous]

Well I really don't need to bring it up, haha, his mom mentions it every day. And obviously his younger brother has been able to play alone at a dramatically younger age, so the difference there is very obvious. But I'm not sure this is a special needs situation; he just really wants to be with people. He loves to be with adults (bright, precocious, oldest sibling type) but plays exactly the way he should with other children his age and has several friends he talks about often. He's very well adjusted in every sense, except he has never been a good sleeper - maybe there is something to that, I don't really know and I doubt we will for several years? Every now and again we will catch him getting absorbed in something he's doing, but as soon as he remembers you're there he NEEDS to be showing or telling you about what he's doing.

[Anonymous]

It's obvious that he is capable of it, but chooses not to. He is seeking attention. Many first borns who are used to one on one care do not develop this skill (entertaining themselves alone for 3+ minutes) until they are over two. It sounds like by the time he was two he already had a sibling, and was likely dealing with jealousy and attention issues at that point. So, it was never in his own interest (or so it seems to him) to play alone, because he was constantly vying for adult attention. I'm not sure there is an easy answer here, but I think it's important to understand that he CAN do it, he just is choosing not to.

Are there times when his brother is out of the picture (napping, presumably) when you are there? I might try something like, set him up with an activity (coloring, play dough, etc), then tell him you have to go do a boring adult chore (dishes, laundry, whatever) in the next room. When he comes into the next room, say "I am busy now," and walk him right back to his activity. Keep talking to the bare minimum; don't engage with him. No matter how many times he comes in, continue walking him back to his activity, and reiterate that you are busy. Aim for the first day or two to get him to play by himself for three minutes, then build up to five, ten, maybe fifteen minutes. It may take a few frustrating days, but I think eventually he will get the idea.

It's best to do this when little brother isn't around, because if he sees you spending time with little brother he will feel jealous/neglected (or if little brother is playing by himself, too, he would be an easy target for big brothers frustration).

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a special needs child in the making.

He's already there..

[Anonymous]

I will be there during the younger child's nap a few times a week for the next few months; although the 3yo enjoys assisting in "boring, adult tasks" like emptying the dishwasher or doing the laundry, I will attempt to brainstorm something he'll be less interested in participating with. Thanks for the suggestion; that's how we did sleep independence, it makes sense he'd need to be taught other forms as well. He deeply enjoys being with - and talking to - people, especially adults.

[Anonymous]

There are some "Montessori at home" activities that you can easily create out of household items. Those lend themselves to independent work. Start small, then build up to bigger chunks of time.

Also, try parallel work/play - while you're making sandwiches, he's pouring water for lunch, or setting the table, etc.