Is it mandatory to go on vacation with host family?

[Anonymous]

Hi,
I am an au pair for a family of 2 kids. The family always seems to go on holiday to the same place every second month for about 4 or 5 days but i really do not enjoy going away with them. When i go with them I am expected to work. They never ask when me join when they are going away but will say we leaving for these dates make sure the kids bags and yours are packed for the trip the night before, so i think they expect me to just go with and that i have no choice as to whether or not i want to go.

I feel as if the family thinks that since they are taking me along with them that i have to work more or do extra to make up for them taking me with. When i am finished my 10 hours (which i will work everyday while away) they will never play with the kids or watch them. They always say to the kids why don't you ask Ap to play that with you or ask Ap to take you outside so I literally never get anytime off. Also I have to share a bed and room with the two kids and have no means of getting around or out of the house so have absolutely no privacy and am constantly with them. My host mom even got angry at me once when i was supposed to be off because she left the kids in the dining room and i was chilling on my phone in the dining room and was like when the kids are around i do not want you on your phone. I was finished my hours and they said i was off so i felt as if it would be okay to be on my phone, i do not go on it when i am supposed to be on duty.

Also when we go away my host parents will fight the whole trip. They fight about absolutely everything like what to do for dinner, which route to take and so on. The fighting puts them in bad moods and makes the whole trip unpleasant and bitter for us all. They also never leave the house at all to see or do anything so we just sit in the house and i have to play games with the kids so i do not get to see anything or do anything so no point in going along.

If i could i would say i do not want to go and i would use those days from my 2 week vacation but they go away so often that just two trips will make up my vacation time so that wont work so what i would like to know is if it is mandatory for me to have to go away with them or is there a way i can say no? I just really do not enjoy the trips and dread going away with them. Any advice would be great.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to your agency about this. Yes, you have to work even if they're on vacation and they want you to, but no, you should not be expected to watch the kids when you're off duty and should not have to share a bedroom.

[Anonymous]

You need to rematch.

[Anonymous]

I agree to rematch. I wouldn't want to life with them after reporting them to the agency for breaking the program rules.

[Anonymous]

so 5 or 6 times a year they go to their vacation home for 4-5 days and you don't want to go or work then.

at a minimum reiterate you will do your 8-10 hour shift, but need to re-energize alone.

if you don't like being a live in au pair, then throw the dice and get rematched or do something else.

[Anonymous]

Rematch.

Do not try to work it out with current family. It'll be a waste of time. They are not good people and should know better than to ask you to do all that you are doing.

[Anonymous]

And, as for the question, is it mandatory to go on vacation, there is no clear answer so feel free to insist that it is not mandatory and stand up for yourself. It is definitely not ok to ask you to work all those hours and your host family asked that of you. You can definitely insist those vacations are mandatory.

And, definitely use up your vacation if you need to, while you rematch. Them going on vacations while you watch the kids 24x7 is just not a coincidence. Meaning, they did not plan the vacation, are taking you along as part of the family, then "Hey, while you are here, won't you please watch the kids." They're planning those trips knowing that you will be there 24x7 so that they can have a chance to relax. If you say you will want to use vacation each time, and they realize that they'll have to watch the kids on their own vacation and those frequent vacation trips will magically disappear. They are abusing you and they are supposed to host you and also be mature adults. They are not doing that. Rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Edit:

And, as for the question, is it mandatory to go on vacation, there is no clear answer so feel free to insist that it is not mandatory and stand up for yourself. It is definitely not ok to ask you to work all those hours and your host family asked that of you. You can definitely insist those vacations are <b> NOT </B> mandatory.

[Anonymous]

I think taking the trips with them is considered part of your duties, but honestly I do not know much about Au Pairs.

What I do know is your family sounds selfish, inconsiderate and just plain mean. I mean look how they treat you, as if you are a walking and talking servant plus it doesn't sound like they want to even be bothered with spending quality time with their own kiddos. Sad.

Is there an agency involved that you can discuss this with? If possible, I would ask to change families and let them know your reasoning. I cannot imagine anyone forcing you to work under such conditions.

I am sorry things are going so bad now, good luck and hope you can find a better fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think taking the trips with them is considered part of your duties, but honestly I do not know much about Au Pairs.

What I do know is your family sounds selfish, inconsiderate and just plain mean. I mean look how they treat you, as if you are a walking and talking servant plus it doesn't sound like they want to even be bothered with spending quality time with their own kiddos. Sad.

Is there an agency involved that you can discuss this with? If possible, I would ask to change families and let them know your reasoning. I cannot imagine anyone forcing you to work under such conditions.

I am sorry things are going so bad now, good luck and hope you can find a better fit.

Why are you even answering the question if you don't know anything about Au Pairs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think taking the trips with them is considered part of your duties, but honestly I do not know much about Au Pairs.

What I do know is your family sounds selfish, inconsiderate and just plain mean. I mean look how they treat you, as if you are a walking and talking servant plus it doesn't sound like they want to even be bothered with spending quality time with their own kiddos. Sad.

Is there an agency involved that you can discuss this with? If possible, I would ask to change families and let them know your reasoning. I cannot imagine anyone forcing you to work under such conditions.

I am sorry things are going so bad now, good luck and hope you can find a better fit.

Why are you even answering the question if you don't know anything about Au Pairs?

Because the question was asked in a nanny forum not an au pair forum and it's not rocket science

[Anonymous]

They are breaking so many rules on these vacations that I think they must be breaking a bunch of rules back home too. If it's this bad all year round, have you thought about rematch? I would if I were in your shoes.

But, if you're really happy with the family for other reasons, I echo the recommendation to at least talk to your LCC. From what you describe, here's the starter list of what I think your HF is doing wrong:
-Joining them on vacation should be voluntary. They should offer and if it's not appealing to you, you should be free to decline without it counting against your vacation time.
-When you join them on vacation, if you are working during the trip, you need to be provided your own room, not share with the kids. (If you voluntarily tag along and will not be working, then it's okay to have you share a room with the kids.)
-When you are "off duty" you need to be fully off, as in you should be free to go do as you please - go for a walk, retreat to your room, play on your phone, call your mom, go see a movie, etc. It should not be "oh, you're off but I'll just be in the kitchen making dinner, could you make sure the kids don't destroy the living room" - that is not off duty and your HF should know that.

[Anonymous]

OP, just to offer a comparison - when we took a long weekend at the beach this summer, we invited our AP to join us but let her know it was 100% up to her whether to join us. We rented a 3 bedroom condo and gave her own room. We included her in every activity we did that weekend - I think she only declined one when she wanted to explore on her own. She was not left alone with the kids at any point or asked to mind them while we did something. We could have asked her to sit one night while we went out for a date - that is allowable, but we just hadn't planned it that way and I thought of the weekend as part of the cultural exchange part of the program - we were showing her around and all enjoying some relaxing time together.

There are host families out there that will bring you along on those kinds of vacations - maybe with a night of date babysitting included, maybe not, but overall still mostly a vacation. You can find that for yourself. I would rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so 5 or 6 times a year they go to their vacation home for 4-5 days and you don't want to go or work then.

at a minimum reiterate you will do your 8-10 hour shift, but need to re-energize alone.

if you don't like being a live in au pair, then throw the dice and get rematched or do something else.

Sounds like the family has two houses so don't call it "vacation".

Do, however, insist on the same workload and not more in one of the houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so 5 or 6 times a year they go to their vacation home for 4-5 days and you don't want to go or work then.

at a minimum reiterate you will do your 8-10 hour shift, but need to re-energize alone.

if you don't like being a live in au pair, then throw the dice and get rematched or do something else.

Sounds like the family has two houses so don't call it "vacation".

Do, however, insist on the same workload and not more in one of the houses.

If the work load that is "more" is still in the realm of allowed I don't see how she gets to make that demand. Maybe she just works very little at the main house and has to do her normal job at the vacation house because of any number of factors. She should count her blessings.