Grandparent visits

[Anonymous]

The thread about the mom staying home from work got me thinking about this question ... how do nannies feel about grandparent visits? My parents and DH's are older; there is no way they can handle our small children on their own, so I can't give the nanny the day off when they're here.

I know it's a pain, and I warn her in advance and try to get them to keep out of her way, but it's still two more adults in the house all day. She is always pleasant and gracious to them, but I'm wondering what she's really thinking!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it's a pain. No two ways around that. It helps if they are nice people who respect/appreciate the nanny and what she does, but even then it makes the day(s) much more difficult.

[Anonymous]

I don't have an issue with the grandparents visiting as long as they want and spending time with the kids, as long as they respect my right to keep the kids on schedule (parents agree that the schedule is the priority with 5 kids). They are welcome to join us for absolutely anything. One set of grandparents is super strict and the other set is very laissez faire, but the parents made sure that they know that I am to handle discipline if I'm there and the parents aren't. My preference is to only have 1 grandparent with us if we're going to an activity, but we've had all four grandparents at the park or the zoo, and that was wonderful! The only issues were from one set of grandparents telling the others that they were discipling inappropriately, and the kids getting confused about the rules, but the parents solved it.

[Anonymous]

Grandparents visits or houseguests are par for the course.
In all cases, they have been told the nanny is in charge, and maybe a couple times I get to go home early at 4pm after the older toddler wakes from the nap.
Other than that, I usually have some outings with the kids during the week and am not hanging out with the houseguests all the time. Sometimes they come. Just smile and bear it.
One time I had friends in town the same time and offered to take off that same week, unpaid. but the Parents wanted me there to care for the kids and provide consistency. So I hear you OP, that guests don't magically become good, attentive caregivers just because they are staying over for a week or two. Most grandparents admit it's exhausting!

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all. I get tired of them, too, and they're my relatives! We try to give the nanny a break and get home early, too.

I don't think we've ever had all four when either DH or I couldn't get off work. That would be overwhelming for me if I were a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I've been lucky that all grandparents visiting were largely lovely people who treated me with kindness and respect, but it's still a pain - kids are too excited, routine is inevitable disrupted, all grandparents seem to have a never ending supply of new crap toys and sweets. But it makes taking kids out a lot more fun, too, as long as we make the rules clear. I had four charges once and it was so nice to carry the baby, have the grandpa for the oldest and the grandma for the twins - best zoo visit I've ever had!

So it's a pain, but if they're nice people it's not that much of a pain.

[Anonymous]

I've been a nanny for fourteen years, and the only position I was ever "let go" from was due to a grandparent visit that went south. I was caring for three children; a 7 year old who was on the autism spectrum (low functioning), and 3 year old twins. I had told MB that it was difficult for me and the twins, because I couldn't take them out to the park or anything, because their brother was constantly trying to run away (this was a known issue; the doors of their home had an elaborate locking system to prevent him from escaping). I worked with them 50 hours per week and it honestly wasn't fair to me or the twins that we couldn't go outside at all (we tried a couple times, but every time he would bolt, and I had to physically restrain him from running into the street, etc, which caused him to scream and cry and flail; it was never a good experience trying to bring him to the park).

So, MB told me that grandma and grandpa would come have a play date with him so I could take the twins out. She very clearly said that they would take care of him all afternoon, so I could take the twins out "and not have to worry about him." I let the grandparents in, and made sure to secure all the locks behind them. They went and sat down with him, and I went back to the kitchen to finish packing the twins snacks, and help them go potty, get their shoes on, and head out the door. Not even five minutes after their arrival, grandma came in the room, looking panicked. It turned out that grandpa had gone out to the car to get something, and when he came back in the house they couldn't find big brother, who had clearly bolted as soon as he realized the front door was unlocked. We searched the entire neighborhood for him, and eventually we had to call MB who came home early from work, and the police, who spent 3 hours searching before finding him hiding in someone's backyard a block and a half away. And the twins, who had been so excited to go to the playground with me, instead had to spend all day inside with me, again.

Grandma kept saying to me "don't worry, it wasn't your fault" (and yeah, it really wasn't; I was told very specifically that I only needed to watch the twins that day and that big brother was going to be taken care of by grandma and grandpa, who were very aware of the running away and door lock situation). But, that afternoon MB told me that my "irresponsibility" had caused her to miss a very important meeting and she felt that she "couldn't trust [me] with the kids anymore." Obviously it was very upsetting for me the way that all unfolded; in the years before that happened, and since, I have had a completely unblemished record of 100% safe children and 100% happy parents.

I realize that that was a very specific situation with a special needs child, but I think it's important to share my story. If grandparents are tagging along and understand that nanny is in charge that is fine. And maybe, in the case of having many children, and grandparents who are physically and mentally capable, if the care of those children is divided up (like PP 17:07 said, having grandparents caring for some kids while she tends to baby, etc), that is okay, but only if MB and DB understand that anything that happens to those children while under the grandparents care is not the nanny's fault!!

[Anonymous]

Grandparent visits are just part of being a nanny

Some are easier than others. I currently have a grandmother that is very very difficult and often rude to me. Thankfully she doesn't visit too often and doesn't stay very long when she does come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a nanny for fourteen years, and the only position I was ever "let go" from was due to a grandparent visit that went south.
Grandma kept saying to me "don't worry, it wasn't your fault" (and yeah, it really wasn't; I was told very specifically that I only needed to watch the twins that day and that big brother was going to be taken care of by grandma and grandpa, who were very aware of the running away and door lock situation). But, that afternoon MB told me that my "irresponsibility" had caused her to miss a very important meeting and she felt that she "couldn't trust [me] with the kids anymore." Obviously it was very upsetting for me the way that all unfolded; in the years before that happened, and since, I have had a completely unblemished record of 100% safe children and 100% happy parents.

I realize that that was a very specific situation with a special needs child, but I think it's important to share my story. If grandparents are tagging along and understand that nanny is in charge that is fine. And maybe, in the case of having many children, and grandparents who are physically and mentally capable, if the care of those children is divided up (like PP 17:07 said, having grandparents caring for some kids while she tends to baby, etc), that is okay, but only if MB and DB understand that anything that happens to those children while under the grandparents care is not the nanny's fault!!

What a horrible experience! I have a close friend with an autistic son who wanders occasionally, and I've heard some horror stories about other kids through her. I'm sure that mom was heartsick and terrified, and took it out on the only person she wasn't related to -- you. Not fair at all, but I understand what happened.

[Anonymous]

Unless the grandparents are literally taking one or more kids out for an outing and making my load lighter, then their visits can be tedious even when you like them. It throws the whole dynamic off and affects the behavior of the kids in an often negative way. They often create more work.
That said I think it's important for kids to have a relationship with their grandparents, I just like it better when it doesn't make my job harder.

[Anonymous]

When my parents are in town, the nanny gets more paid time off, so I can't imagine it's too horrible.

[Anonymous]

Neve really had to deal with this. I always get time off when grandparents are in town...not really time off because I'm in a share but I only have one child during grandparents visit. It would drive me absolutely nuts if they tagged along with us everywhere.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny + it would depend on the personalities of the child's grandparents.

Do they tend to meddle? Judge??

To keep things civil between them, I would highly encourage you to ask the grandparents to go out of the house and spend the day doing a specific activity for the majority or all (!) of the time the nanny is working. Perhaps offer them zoo passes for the day.