Fired nanny for cause. Do I owe her new employer any information? Live and let live? Get sued?

[Anonymous]

We are moving in a month and our nanny for the past 18 months has been job-hunting to find a new family to work for after we leave. That family contacted me recently for a reference check and I gave a decent one.

Lately, however, she has been quite irritable, lacking patience and handling our youngest baby quite roughly, culminating in a significant injury to her face (which she claims was an accident, but we're not taking our chances). She could be having a bad week - who knows - but that doesn't excuse her outbursts. We fired her immediately. Do I owe her new employer any updated information? I am familiar with the law and know we could get sued by her for defamation because, in the absence of a video or picture showing her abusing our child - it's our word against hers. And as much as I don't want to cost her a new job, I would hate for another tiny baby to suffer at her hands. And the new employer could sue us for failing to disclose this information if, God forbids, something happened to their child.

What would you do in this situation? For the record, nanny is an expert at lawsuits and this wouldn't be the first one she'd initiate.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to specify that she was offered the job I provided the reference for.

[Anonymous]

defamation is when you say something that isn't true, or plaster it all around town in a smear campaign that may or may not be true.

I think the decent human thing to do is to call back to the other family and tell them the facts of what you do know for certain, and do not include any of your interpretation. Just that as the job is coming to an end, nanny's attitude as become more irritated (perhaps understandable), that she's been rougher with the baby when you've been there to observe it, and last week the baby incurred an injury to the face. you did not see what happened and nanny said it was an accident. you felt unsure and let her go.

Just leave it up to them what to do with that information.

[Anonymous]

I think there's more to the story. Sorry, op.

[Anonymous]

This nanny was good enough for you to keep as she cared for your children for 18 months. I would let it go and just move on. I seriously doubt she hurt your child intentionally -- people do not become child abusers over night.

She has been working in your home for 1.5, OP, and her work has at least been satisfactory for you to have kept her that long. Move away, move on and say nothing.

[Anonymous]

How old is the baby? Could it have been an accident, where the baby tried to stand, lost its balance and fell or something like that?

[Anonymous]

You don't know that it wasn't an accident. Kids have accidents. You've already fired her, for what could very well have been an accident. Stop there.

[Anonymous]

If you jeopardised my job over a misplaced suspicion, I would sue you into the oblivion. You are just trying to start s**t. Back off, Busy body.

[Anonymous]

OP needs help to better deal with her moving stress.

[Anonymous]

What are your examples of her being irritable ? Lacking patience and being rough ? She did this infront of you with the children ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This nanny was good enough for you to keep as she cared for your children for 18 months. I would let it go and just move on. I seriously doubt she hurt your child intentionally -- people do not become child abusers over night.

She has been working in your home for 1.5, OP, and her work has at least been satisfactory for you to have kept her that long. Move away, move on and say nothing.

If I got a call from you now I would assume it was sour grapes and you were a miserable cuss. Honestly. No sane person keeps a bad or negligent nanny for 1.5 years or gives a good recommendation and then takes it back.

[Anonymous]

I'd sue you and won. You are a mea, mean-spirited,, and hateful person.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Some of the comments here are priceless. You sound like a very happy bunch! Nowhere did I say I wish our former nanny harm and want to cost her a job.
My personal preference is to do nothing. But my conscience tells me I am potentially endangering another baby by staying silent.

When I gave my opinion/reference check, I told her new employer that she's great with older kids but that babies are not her comfort zone so they'd have to be explicit about what their expectations are. She's been with us 18 months and our baby is 2 months old. She's yelled at the baby out of frustration (while we were around) and rocks the baby a bit too vigorously because it is obvious babies stress her out. This latest incident resulted in a wound to the baby's face that was inflicted by her - she admitted that.

In light of what recently happened, I would still maintain that she's great with older kids but that she probably shouldn't be the primary caregiver to a baby. This family has 3 older kids and a newborn. I would MUCH PREFER to just shrug all of this off and think "She's their problem now, not mine anymore" but is that the right thing to do? Is that what you would do?

[Anonymous]

MB here. Do you know if the family that is hiring her is hiring her primarily for newborn care or primarily for the older kids? Do you know if the hiring family has had other nannies in the past? Do you know anything about the other references the nanny was able to provide, or that you spoke w/ when hiring her? Your reference to the new family should only be a bit of the data in their hiring decision.

I think this is a tough call. It sounds like you gave a reasonable, balanced, reference with an appropriate caveat about the nanny's infant skills. It also sounds like the nanny's performance with you declined after being given notice (which is perhaps human, though certainly not ideal.)

So I think that if you leave it alone you are ok. I think that if you reach back to the hiring family it isn't likely to change their decision at this point given that what you're describing isn't intentional harm, it sounds more like a lack of knowledge or preference, or even just a lack of effort since she was let go. So the hiring parents may feel that they can work with the nanny, don't need the newborn to be the primary focus, are experienced enough parents that they can be extremely explicit, etc...

I think I'm leaning towards doing nothing. I think I'd lean more towards reaching out if the hiring family were first time parents, but if they are on their fourth child they are quite experienced at parenting, and perhaps at hiring nannies - so I would give them more credit in terms of managing the situation (if in fact it proves not to work well).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Some of the comments here are priceless. You sound like a very happy bunch! Nowhere did I say I wish our former nanny harm and want to cost her a job.
My personal preference is to do nothing. But my conscience tells me I am potentially endangering another baby by staying silent.

When I gave my opinion/reference check, I told her new employer that she's great with older kids but that babies are not her comfort zone so they'd have to be explicit about what their expectations are. She's been with us 18 months and our baby is 2 months old. She's yelled at the baby out of frustration (while we were around) and rocks the baby a bit too vigorously because it is obvious babies stress her out. This latest incident resulted in a wound to the baby's face that was inflicted by her - she admitted that.

In light of what recently happened, I would still maintain that she's great with older kids but that she probably shouldn't be the primary caregiver to a baby. This family has 3 older kids and a newborn. I would MUCH PREFER to just shrug all of this off and think "She's their problem now, not mine anymore" but is that the right thing to do? Is that what you would do?

She purposely injured your child's face? I've accidentally scratched infants before. It happens.
LET IT GO.