Bratty charge

[Anonymous]

I've been a nanny for a few months to a 4 yr old boy. Recently I told him to keep his seat belt on because I care about him and I like him and don't want him to get hurt. He said "well I don't like you." Today I told him something he did was not polite and that children don't tell adults how to drive. He said, you're not an adult, you're just a babysitter. He is constantly testing me. If I say "no yelling indoors," a few minutes later he yells again. The constant testing is annoying, but ok. The "you're just a babysitter" was insulting. I know he's just 4 and it may be age appropriate but he can be pretty bratty.

[Anonymous]

Um yeah - he's 4. And you are clearly letting him get to you which only encourages him.

Ignore that behavior, reward the behavior you want.

[Anonymous]

Talk to his parents and let them know how he is treating you.

They should be mortified and make it a future priority for their son to treat you with only the utmost respect.

If they do not, then I would quit. I wouldn't want to work for ignorant parents and bratty kids.

[Anonymous]

The no yelling thing is common - they just forget at that age when they get excited.


As for the bratty comments like "you're just a babysitter" correct him immediately and inform his parents. No one on earth is "just" anything in polite society and he needs to stop using that as a weapon. Stop him from doing or saying anything impolite or dangerous IMMEDIATELY - get down on his level and look him in the eye and tell him the behavior that you want/demand and what will stop right now.

[Anonymous]

Kids say this kind of stuff without fully understanding it - they know that it bugs you, and that's why they do it, but they aren't making a larger statement about class and labor politics.

I'd let the parents know and ask them which discipline method they're following. If they have a book on hand with their preferred approach, flip through it when you can and try some of the techniques in there. For "I don't like you," I'd ignore that. For repeated yelling, I give time outs - others might put the kid on the back yard and say he can come back inside when he's done yelling.

[Anonymous]

He has to wear his seatbelt because it's the law. And you're a babysitter AND an adult.

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel.
At one point in my early stages with this family the eldest girl was calling me "slave" and her younger brother caught on.
I quickly nipped it in the bud. I pulled her aside and said, "please respect me and call me by name. I am not your slave nor anyone's slave. I do not appreciate you calling me that and I would like you to stop and if it continues I will speak o your parents" After a few times, it stopped.

The also used to test me and say, "your not our mom, your just the babysitter" ---YES, I'm your babysitter and your guardian for the time being, and if you do not behave then there will be consequences such as no TV time. Or Play time. Or anything else. .
The youngest one then started mentioning things like, "if you don't do this, I ll tell my mom to fire you". I said, "ok!". And he quickly stopped. He jokes sometimes but I get down to his level and say, "don't say hurtful things like that. I love you very much and I would be very sad to not play with you anymore and I'm sure you will miss me as well". Now it never comes out of his mouth.

Kids need to be pulled to the side and talked to. I never yell at my kids or raise my voice. If the youngest or oldest is yelling at me, I say, "excuse me? I don't know who you are talking to in that tone or voice" and they go, "sorry" and change it. At one point the 4 year old would hit me as well. And I also went down to his level and said, "i never put my hands on you , don't ever put your hands on me. It's not nice. It's hurtful." He gets angry here and there, but I'll quickly take away his fave toy and put him on time out.
You have to get down to their level, and look them in the eyes. They are kids. They want to test author especially NEW babysitters. Trying to see how much they can get away with. But it's all about making sure they know that you love/respect them and they need to do that with you too.

ad behaviors need to be stopped. QUICK. As soon as they are seen. I spend the most time with the kids out of both parents and I love them dearly.
So, it's important to stay within the parents guidelines in terms of punishments (which I talked with his mother--take a toy. time out etc) as well as letting them know you care and love them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know how you feel.
At one point in my early stages with this family the eldest girl was calling me "slave" and her younger brother caught on.
I quickly nipped it in the bud. I pulled her aside and said, "please respect me and call me by name. I am not your slave nor anyone's slave. I do not appreciate you calling me that and I would like you to stop and if it continues I will speak o your parents" After a few times, it stopped.

The also used to test me and say, "your not our mom, your just the babysitter" ---YES, I'm your babysitter and your guardian for the time being, and if you do not behave then there will be consequences such as no TV time. Or Play time. Or anything else. .
The youngest one then started mentioning things like, "if you don't do this, I ll tell my mom to fire you". I said, "ok!". And he quickly stopped. He jokes sometimes but I get down to his level and say, "don't say hurtful things like that. I love you very much and I would be very sad to not play with you anymore and I'm sure you will miss me as well". Now it never comes out of his mouth.

Kids need to be pulled to the side and talked to. I never yell at my kids or raise my voice. If the youngest or oldest is yelling at me, I say, "excuse me? I don't know who you are talking to in that tone or voice" and they go, "sorry" and change it. At one point the 4 year old would hit me as well. And I also went down to his level and said, "i never put my hands on you , don't ever put your hands on me. It's not nice. It's hurtful." He gets angry here and there, but I'll quickly take away his fave toy and put him on time out.
You have to get down to their level, and look them in the eyes. They are kids. They want to test author especially NEW babysitters. Trying to see how much they can get away with. But it's all about making sure they know that you love/respect them and they need to do that with you too.

ad behaviors need to be stopped. QUICK. As soon as they are seen. I spend the most time with the kids out of both parents and I love them dearly.
So, it's important to stay within the parents guidelines in terms of punishments (which I talked with his mother--take a toy. time out etc) as well as letting them know you care and love them.

I like your response, PP! I'd very pleased with how you're handling the bad behavior, and back you up entirely.

[Anonymous]

I've had the issue with the seatbelt and/or running across the road. I emphasize that kids in cars can be thrown out and/or be hurt if there's an accident and they aren't wearing the seatbelt. Usually, kids this age respond better when they can see how it will impact them, not just a punishment. When they try to run across the road without looking, I ask if they like running and playing; if a kid gets hit, they might not be able to run anymore.

I agree with nipping the backtalk in the bud. There is no JUST to you being the babysitter or nanny. You are there to love, care for and teach the child, a support and/or replacement for the parent during those hours. Emphasize that sometimes the child doesn't like a friend or parent when things aren't going their way, that's the way it works, but you still like the child anyway. You are the adult and will sometimes have a child say they don't like you or hate you, it means that you are setting boundaries and they are testing them. It doesn't mean that they really mean it.