Should i rematch? Advice please?
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Anonymous
In the beginning of my stay I absolutely loved my host family but for the past two and a half months I feel as if my host family sees me more as a personal assistant or maid than they do me as part of the family. I am not sure if i am maybe being a little sensitive and thats why i need some advice please! My host mom does online shopping practically every single day and when she does at least once a week i have to take in her pants or jeans to get tailored so they are not too long for her and every second week (at least) i have to drive around to stores to exchange the clothing she does not like or does not fit. Also she asks me to drive 25 mins away to go to a special store to buy her special detox juices as she does this diet thing that she follows. I normally only work mornings and evenings during the week as the kids go to creche but work between 12 and 15 hours a day on Saturdays and Sundays because my host mom says i work so little during the week i can make up for it on weekends I am also literally responsible for absolutely everything child related, i had to plan and set up birthday parties for both boys, book and take them to hair appointments, doctors appointments and dentist appointments. I also have to pack their bags whenever we go away. I really do not mind doing any of this stuff but the problem is that my host mom never ever asks she just expects me to do all of this and is never happy with anything, she always has something negative to say or will pull a face. I also do cooking EVERY SINGLE DAY for the WHOLE FAMILY! I cook for my host family (even my parents) every day even when i am off! i will prepare meals for them in advance when i know i will be going out or have a class i need to go to. I do not have a problem doing this at all but they always leave their plates on the table along with the left over food around and expect me to pack everything away after them. I always clean up after myself and will clean up the table whenever i am on duty and do dishes but i think its just a bit disrespectful to leave it for me to clean when i am off and i went out of my way to prepare a meal for you! they do this on my weekends off too. they will leave every single dish, food and toy out the whole weekend for me to clean when i start work on the Monday again which i think is a little uncalled for. I also do my host parents laundry once a week for them but they never thank me for doing it and when i don't do it they tell me it needs to be done. I don't mind helping out i really don't but sometimes i just don't have the time. Whenever the kids are sick (which is at least every second week as my host mom always thinks they sick literally everyday) the kids stay home with me all week and i work at least 14 hours a day and will only get one day off that week. I don't mind doing this but they give me a curfew of 11 pm even when i am not working the next day but i only finish work at 9:30pm and was working the whole day. I work mornings and evenings and am free between 10 am and 3 pm and then work before and after that and many people aren't free between those times but i only finish work at 9:30 every day so an never make plans to see people as i have to be home by 10 if i am working the next day and 11 if i am not.. Also i volunteer at a gym and my host mom knows the days and times i work and I've made is specifically so she wanted a birthday party for the eldest son at school during the times i work so i asked her two days and the day before if she wanted me to go to it (as I needed someone to take over my role at the gym or there would be no-one to open the gym and stuff) and she repeatedly said no, no, no and i said i really don't mind i can find a replacement she said no, half an hour prior to me having to go to my volunteer work she message me saying i had to be at at the party which to me is a but disrespectful as i asked in advance and she knew people rely on me to open up and stuff and so i lost my volunteer position which i enjoyed doing as it kept me busy during the day. They also took me to Dublin with them but they didn't tell me they literally made plans fro morning to evening so i was looking after the kids from 6 am until 11 pm. They also didn't discuss with me that during our trip to Ireland the both of them were flying to London for 3 days and having the boys alone with me in a strange country. I found out on the day which again makes me think they just expect me to do everything or anything for them. I don't know what to do as i have really good conversations with the family and i have met amazing friends in my area that i really do not want to leave and i can use the families car to see them whenever and I'm afraid if i rematch i wont find friends like this again and i wont have use of a car for personal use what should i do?
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Anonymous
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Paragraphs! Please. As to your question, you should have rematched the first week. The host family should be banned from ever hosting another au pair. Document everything.
Your situation is the very reason many of us believe this program needs to be overhauled or done away with |
Anonymous
| Sorry. I couldn't read your post. Try again with actual sentences and PARAGRAPHS. |
Anonymous
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OP HERE, sorry, i will repost with paragraphs now
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Anonymous
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Absolutely rematch.
However, this belongs in the au pair section. |
Anonymous
A little snarky, much? Give the poor lady a break. I read it. If you exercise your mind reading old literature, you can make it past a lack of paragraphs. You need to rematch. They're breaking the rules, you're working too many hours. |
Anonymous
NP here and I couldn't read it either. This is not old literature and I have a life. |
Anonymous
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U keep saying "I don't mind" lol well you do mind if you brought this up!
I cannot believe you are an au pair. I used to be one few years ago and heard about crazy families buy cannot believe that the agency allows them to do that. As an au pair you don't do parents laundry, you don't run errands... Au pair does child related chores ... Run! |
Anonymous
OP here, it's not the errands I mind doing or the extra hours it's the not asking and just expecting everything and the not respecting me that I really have the problem with
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Anonymous
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You need to rematch. A ton of what you write is not even close to being au-pair duties.
I was an au-pair in Germany, I had the most wonderful time, was respected and treated as part of the family, and now ten years later we are still in touch and visit/meet up regularly. I wish everyone had as fantastic an experience as mine. Talk to you agency and ask for a rematch. |
Anonymous
| Yes, rematch. Do not feel sorry. You have said enough. Just tell your progrom everything you said here and it is more than reasonable to find you a better situation and that family should learn this is not acceptable from your leaving. If you do not feel comfortable explaining, you can say "I feel overwhelmed in my role here and I want to rematch" Stick to your guns after that and rematch. Do not get into a discussion. They are exploiting you and will try to make you feel guilty for leaving or say that you need to work it out. the fact is that it is very clear that they are exploiting you and I have seen it over and over. They have a sweet situation and will not want to change it and that is the only way they will want to keep you. If you only offer what everyone else is offering, which is exactly 45 hours (or however many you are supposed to in the program) they will not care if it is you or someone else. Take it from someone who has been exploited many times before but now is decades older and have experience dealing with people. Rematch immediately. For confrontations you only need 1 sentence and repeat it if you need to. |
Anonymous
| And don't worry about the car either. All this is not worth the car and your next family will have a way for you to get around. |