Employer entering a live-in's room

[Anonymous]

OK, so it's always a touchy situation to broach how and when the employer will enter a live-in nanny's personal area. I've always made sure that the contract read that I have the right to be there if my employer needs to come in to do something, but that's never been an issue. I've also required that my door will have a working lock at all times, and my employer must have my permission to enter (presumably given after a knock) if I am inside.

So, here's my question. DB is supposed to be doing bedtime with his DD. She isn't going to sleep, someone comes over or he gets a business call, doesn't matter what, now he isn't paying attention to her. I'm already in bed, she asks to crawl in with me. I'm asleep and she's almost out when dad comes in my room. Obviously DB trusts me if he leaves his children with me all day. Why would he feel the need to come in my room without knocking, whether or not his daughter is in there? I would have understood if he had knocked or asked if he could come in; I would have said no and sent the child out as I was dressed for bed. I understand wanting her to go to bed in her own bed, but she came to crawl in with me because dad wasn't available and I was already changed and in bed; I don't parade around the house in my nightgown and her room is on another floor, so I would have had to get dressed to go back to her room.

I'm looking for thoughts from both parents and nannies please.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just ask him to please knock before entering your room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just ask him to please knock before entering your room?

And all children should sleep in their own beds. And legally, letting your charge sleep with you is working you around the clock.

[Anonymous]

MB here. This would be completely unacceptable to me.

- you are off duty, the parent is responsible for bedtime, not you and it's presumptive and inappropriate to involve you unless you're being asked, have agreed, and are being paid.
- your bedroom is your personal space. No one should be entering it without your permission, and absolutely no one should be interrupting you when you've gone to bed. Child included.
- I would not wanting you allowing this behavior from my child. I would want you to gently redirect the child to the parent. The child needs to learn not to go to sleep with you. This isn't a sleep pattern I want my child developing, or my husband or the nanny encouraging.

Seriously, I think this is a huge issue. You should sit down with the parents right away and fix this. And they should be ashamed. But you also need to start saying no to the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just ask him to please knock before entering your room?

And all children should sleep in their own beds. And legally, letting your charge sleep with you is working you around the clock.

Charge for ki,d sleeping with you and lock your door at all times. Better still, barge in or him and see how he likes it.

[Anonymous]

What a jerk he is. Keep your door locked and the child out.

Healthy boundaries are a good thing.

[Anonymous]

You have boundary issues OP to let your charge sleep with you, especially with the door closed.... what is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have boundary issues OP to let your charge sleep with you, especially with the door closed.... what is wrong with you?

Agree.

[Anonymous]

#1 The child should not be in your bed. She shouldn't be in your room.

#2, employers should not be entering your room without knocking.

What does your contract state about privacy in your bedroom?

Starting tonight whoever is responsible for the child after your hours is responsible for the child. Send her out if she comes into your room. If you have nothing in your contract now about knocking before entering, get it in there. If you do, remind him of it.

[Anonymous]

Get a lock and use it. Done.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the perspectives.

[Anonymous]

child should never be in your room or in your bed.

[Anonymous]

I have had a live in for a long time. I don't think either of my kids have ever been in her room nor would I even ever permit them to knock. I don't even knock on her door. If I need her and she is "on duty" I call for her at the bottom of the stairs. If she is off duty and I need her for some reason (like once she needed to move her car or whatever) I call her cell phone - I never get that close to her room and my kids would never go there. You need to make some new rules and boundries

[Anonymous]

Wow. Holy crap. We have an AP and BOTH us and the kids don't go into her space. She has a basement bedroom and since her arrival 2 months ago, nobody has stepped a foot into her bedroom or bath. Furthermore, the kids aren't even allowed in the basement before she has emerged to the kitchen. Or after 7PM.

Privacy is huge for us. Unacceptable for the parents to allow their children into your room for any reason except an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had a live in for a long time. I don't think either of my kids have ever been in her room nor would I even ever permit them to knock. I don't even knock on her door. If I need her and she is "on duty" I call for her at the bottom of the stairs. If she is off duty and I need her for some reason (like once she needed to move her car or whatever) I call her cell phone - I never get that close to her room and my kids would never go there. You need to make some new rules and boundries

Yup. That's anothe thing. I often communicate with our AP via text. Like tonight I gave her special instructions for tomorrow. I did it via text. I would not even think to go downstairs.