Would you prefer easy baby or nice people?
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Anonymous
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My friends and I have been coming across situations lately where it's they have easy charges and employers they don't care for, and then wonderful employer but charges who are a little more high needs. I'm in that situation now. My employers are crazy good but my charge is more than a handful. She cries with everyone ( dad included) that isn't MB. It's literally all day crying and whining. It's making my job difficult and I'm not bonding with her like I have with other kids. I'm pretty experienced and have dealt with my fair share of higher needs babies. I've never haw not bonded with a baby I cared for except this one. I literally dread work. My employers make me feel guilty when I have silent thoughts of leaving. Always " I don't know what we would do without you.." I used to value employers most because I work with young infants and toddlers, but now realize my charge is who I spend most of my time with and they are most important when choosing my job.
Which situation would you have? |
Anonymous
| How long have you been with her? |
Anonymous
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Neither.
I am a nanny who has had bad parents/good kids mostly. I don't think you necessarily have to choose one over the other. I say, until you find a family that offers both, then why settle for second best??! Find a family that has parents you can easily communicate with as well as a child you can bond with too. Until you find that, you will never be happy in your job. And trust me on this, finding a great match is not that tough. Good luck to you! 
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Anonymous
| How many hours do you work, OP? Could you reduce hours? Even if they had to go to the trouble of hiring someone part-time, it might be worth it if their baby is truly this high needs. But you need to address your feelings of not being able to bond. This baby deserves better. |
Anonymous
Four very long months. I work 50-55 hour weeks with this family. This experience with either one or the other has been been going on for like a year. The other 3 families I was with ( all 1+ years) were great. Absolutely in love with my charges ( had two colic/reflux babies) and amazing employers. It's like my radars off 
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Anonymous
I feel bad because I worry I'm a bad nanny for not bonding. Then I realize she does this with her dad, aunt, grandma, grandpa, etc. Anyone who is not mom. They are extreme attachment parenting so MB never puts her down during the day. She will frown and cry endlessly even when DB picks her up until MB takes her. PT is not an option for them. They only want one nanny. I have plenty of experience and always getting poached. I've had two colic babies and one with reflux. They cried a lot but I still bonded with them well. I've tried everything I can but the situation isn't much better. I'm thinking of quitting but feel like a complete failure. |
Anonymous
| OP again. My charge is 9 months. I'm their second nanny. |
Anonymous
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I would always rather have great charges than great employers. I only spend about five hours a week total with my employers but 45 weeks alone with my charge.
If you really can't bond with your charge, OP, I would look for a new job. There is no reason to torture yourself. And you will not have to worry about your charge missing you or you missing her! |
Anonymous
| That's tough, OP. It sounds like you have given it a solid try but if baby won't connect with you you need to move on. |
Anonymous
| I think you have to be a very good nanny,for strong babies/kids,I say that because I have 25 years experience as a nanny.but parents you can't fix them,I had that too ,I just ignore them. |
Anonymous
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OP here. It's breaking my heart knowing this can't connect with me. I did not know it was this bad until I started. MB told me she has been like this since about 6-8 weeks old. I feel for DB the most. He will try to hold her and play and she will scream bloody murder until he puts her down or MB takes her back. What's contributing to the situation is MB works from home 2-3 days a week and will nurse her on those days. We are very active and go out almost all day but she is crying or fussing majority of the time. I know she is hard for Mb sometimes too. MB said she she has always been a really fussy baby but more tolerable when with her.
Don't get me wrong. I care for my charge like any other I've had in the past. I keep her safe, try and be very interactive, hug and kiss her, hold her ( mostly when younger) but that hasn't seemed to do much. I do love her and have no ill thoughts ( obviously) but it's heartbreaking to put so much in and spend my majority of my time with a baby who just cries and cries all day long. The only time she let's me hold her Is naps because she won't sleep anywhere else but a carrier or your arms. I've worked with 8 families in 9 years with most starting at 3 months. I've either quickly bonded the first day ( no joke) with a child or by the first week. I had colic/reflux babies and that never was an issue. They cried a lot and sometimes I cried too because of how much pain they were in. I love them just like my other charges that did not have those issues. I am very sought after in my area. I've never gone to an interview and not got the job right away. I put a lot of love and effort into my job because I want nothing but the best for each of my charges. It's so heartbreaking to not be able to bond at all. I am miserable at my job because of it. DB fold me their last nanny left for the same issue and they hope to not lose me. It's sad. |
Anonymous
| I want nice people and good kids. Right now I have 1 good kid, 1 spoiled tantrum thrower bipolar disrespectful teenager, 1 ok parent (dad) and one NASTY bitch of a MB. That's why I gave my notice. |
Anonymous
| The issue is mom and the attachment parenting. Mom set up a style to make child completely dependent on her. There needs to be a balance and mom has to find it. |
Anonymous
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It isn't the attachment parenting style itself. It is mom getting involved and being there 2-3 days a week. Of course the kid is confused and upset. Mom needs to stay out of sight and pump when you are there.
- Signed, a mom whose kid just didn't get over it until I stayed away |