I Am Miserable!

[Anonymous]

I have hit a rough patch in a job I really used to love. I have worked for the family for almost 3 years working with their now 3.5 son. They are VERY detached and uninvolved parents, but care deeply of their son.

When I was hired, they told me they wanted him to be raised to be a well behaved boy with great manners. And at 3.5 he is amazing! I am a very involved 24hr nanny 5 days a week. I manage the 24hr weekend nanny. I am very strict with him, but also nurturing and loving. He is a very happy kid.

Apparently all of a sudden the parents don't like my strict style. The dad is furious with me for lecturing to him about lying. Both parents are super mad at me for giving time-outs when he does something horrible like hit or bite the housekeeper. They say I'm too hard on him.

The mom orders breakfast every morning for him, and it's usually a blue berry muffin, OJ, and frosted flakes. I usually complain about the sugar content and make him eat berries, yogurt, and egg. The other morning the mother said "I would throw up if you gave me that! Let him have the frosted flakes".

All of a sudden they don't like my style. They used to attribute all the compliments of their child's great behavior and manners to me. Now they don't. They the type of parents who will give him a lollypop to tame a temper tantrum.

I want to give them what they want, and not punish him for bad behavior, or reprimand him. Or not do anything when he lies. Just be a stepford babysitter. He WILL turn rotten. I feel that's unfair to him.

I am polishing off my resume. Or do you think there is anything I can do to save my job and still do what's best for the child.

[Anonymous]

What caused this change to come about?

[Anonymous]

Have you tried to use positive dispilin ? Most school districts use this technique. Most schools in the usa are not aloud to tell children no or to use any negative words. They learn to talk around something. So if your charge is hitting the housekeeper you say larlo something about your hands. This reminds the child without shaming him to not hit.

In regards to food. Just give him the food the parents order. It's their child, their choice.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me as if both sides (his parents and you) have differing opinions on what to do to raise a child with good manners.

While it doesn't look to me like you are doing anything technically "wrong" here, since the parents are his parents first and foremost as well as your bosses, you have no other option than to obey their instructions.

If you do not agree with them, that is your right. It is also their right to let you go.

Considering how much time you have invested in this position, I would back off a bit and let him do what his parents allow.

IF he does grow up to be a brat, it isn't your fault whatsoever OP. It will be on his parents, not you.

GL.

[Anonymous]

I would look into Positive Discipline and sit down and talk to the parents about their new expectations.

[Anonymous]

If this is a real situation (and I don't believe it is), the answer is pretty simple. You need a new job, OP. You don't respect the parents and believe you know better than they do about how to raise their child. This won't end well, so it's better that you leave now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look into Positive Discipline and sit down and talk to the parents about their new expectations.

I use Positive Discipline for the most part with my charge and he is a VERY well behaved little guy. Look into changing and adapting before you quit, OP, as you love your charge and I am sure he loves and is bonded to you. You need to do everything possible before you leave him.

[Anonymous]

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_Discipline

Time outs are very old school. Most nannies don't use them or lecture children anymore. This info might help you to learn more positive techniques

[Anonymous]

Ove been with my nanny family for 6 years and I've never ever given a time out or lectured. Not being snarky, but you need to do more reading about child development.

[Anonymous]

Gotta say if the kid is hitting and biting the housekeeper, he's not all that well behaved.

[Anonymous]

Totally agree with the above PP.
If your style was working he would never hit or bite someone at 3.5. He sounds badly behaved.

[Anonymous]

I get what you are saying OP. I think all children need good nourishment, love, and discipline.

I think you are WAY out of line though. You are not the parent. You need to respect their decision of how they choose to parent THEIR child. He is not yours. I hate the fact that you said you " complain" about what he eats. Again, not your child so it is not your decision to make. You are overstepping your boundaries. Honestly I would fire you. I never enforce any discipline or anything until we collectively talk and decide how they want to raise their child.

However, I do not agree with pps who are saying he is not well behaved. All 3-4 year olds go through a biting phase. It's normal development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get what you are saying OP. I think all children need good nourishment, love, and discipline.

I think you are WAY out of line though. You are not the parent. You need to respect their decision of how they choose to parent THEIR child. He is not yours. I hate the fact that you said you " complain" about what he eats. Again, not your child so it is not your decision to make. You are overstepping your boundaries. Honestly I would fire you. I never enforce any discipline or anything until we collectively talk and decide how they want to raise their child.

However, I do not agree with pps who are saying he is not well behaved. All 3-4 year olds go through a biting phase. It's normal development.

This MB feels like she has found her kindred spirit nanny here. I agree with every word of this.

[Anonymous]

She orders her child breakfast and then you make him eat something different? WTF? That's not your call to make.

[Anonymous]

Please I'm a nanny who uses time out although in extreme cases. My nanny kid hit me in the face her ass was in time out so quick!