I think my MB's mother may have Alzheimer's...

[Anonymous]

My own mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease last year so I am familiar with the signs as well as my own denial at the time. MB's mother is much younger, probably only 67, so it would be Early Onset Alzheimer's which is relatively rare but progresses faster. I have noticed MB's mother forgetting things, asking the same question repeatedly, and buying the exact same outfit for my charge twice. Her mother, my MB's grandmother, had some form of dementia.

Here is the issue -- the grandmother takes care of my very active toddler charge one day a week.

WWYD? Since I went through it with my mother, I may be overblowing signs of simple senior forgetfulness... or not.

[Anonymous]

Very tough situation to be in, OP.

I would try to initiate conversations about your own mother, OP, telling MB of the warning signs you missed or about your mother's various odd behaviors. Don't even mention MB's mother to her -- just talk about your own mother. Something you may say could strike a chord with your MB and get her thinking.

[Anonymous]

I know two women whose mothers diagnosed with Altzheimers in 60's. She should not be caring for children and you should tell your MB Your concerns.

[Anonymous]

That's tough, but you probably should say something. How about:

"MB, can I ask you something? I've noticed that Beth seems somewhat forgetful recently, with things like purchases, asking the same questions, etc... I don't mean to overstep at all, but I just want to make sure you're totally comfortable with her caring for little Bobby."

Then see how the mother responds.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything

Then when something happens to that child because mother is impaired, how will you feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything

Then when something happens to that child because mother is impaired, how will you feel?

So far grandma asked questions over and over and bought an outfit twice. I don't see the issue or how a child would be hurt. Now if down the line grandma gets a lot worse ok then maybe say something. But asking a question over and over again is not a crime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very tough situation to be in, OP.

I would try to initiate conversations about your own mother, OP, telling MB of the warning signs you missed or about your mother's various odd behaviors. Don't even mention MB's mother to her -- just talk about your own mother. Something you may say could strike a chord with your MB and get her thinking.

This is a good place to start. Give it a week or so after that conversation and if MB says nothing more than maybe be more direct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything

Then when something happens to that child because mother is impaired, how will you feel?

So far grandma asked questions over and over and bought an outfit twice. I don't see the issue or how a child would be hurt. Now if down the line grandma gets a lot worse ok then maybe say something. But asking a question over and over again is not a crime.

You should get some education about this. I hope you aren't a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything

Then when something happens to that child because mother is impaired, how will you feel?

So far grandma asked questions over and over and bought an outfit twice. I don't see the issue or how a child would be hurt. Now if down the line grandma gets a lot worse ok then maybe say something. But asking a question over and over again is not a crime.

You should get some education about this. I hope you aren't a nanny.

Yes I am a nanny. And this nanny needs to mind her own business. She is not a doctor and more importantly she is not this grandmothers doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very tough situation to be in, OP.

I would try to initiate conversations about your own mother, OP, telling MB of the warning signs you missed or about your mother's various odd behaviors. Don't even mention MB's mother to her -- just talk about your own mother. Something you may say could strike a chord with your MB and get her thinking.

This is a good place to start. Give it a week or so after that conversation and if MB says nothing more than maybe be more direct.

I think this is too indirect, and also too personal. OP is the nanny - so her job is the safety of the child, so it's reasonable to touch base w/ the mom regarding that. I would far rather have my nanny come directly to me w/ a concern about the safety of my child, than to hint around at something by sharing personal stories from her past. Maybe I won't get the hint, maybe I wouldn't connect it w/ my situation, maybe I'm worried about my mother but wouldn't discuss that readily, maybe I just want personal/professional boundaries.

So be gentle but be direct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's tough, but you probably should say something. How about:

"MB, can I ask you something? I've noticed that Beth seems somewhat forgetful recently, with things like purchases, asking the same questions, etc... I don't mean to overstep at all, but I just want to make sure you're totally comfortable with her caring for little Bobby."

Then see how the mother responds.

This... I agree, you are in a very tough situation, OP. If you think this might be too direct, then I would do as the PP suggested and tell MB about your mother early on - mentioning (especially) things MB's mother has been doing.

Early Onset Alzheimer's can progress very fast. One day they forget they both the same outfit and the next day she forgets she was caring for the baby and wanders off.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is in her mid-60's and has early onset dementia. She's had it for a few years. She lived far away (we moved her here) but I wish someone would have been more honest with us when we asked so we could have stepped in sooner. (But we wanted to know and were prepared to help). I would say something because that type of dementia is scary, especially caring for a toddler. My MIL is a very sweet and loving woman but no way would I trust her with our young kids alone (but the term trust is relative as if she was healthy I would).

[Anonymous]

Ouch...This is a toughie OP.

While the child me possibly at risk...or not...If I were you, I wouldn't say a thing.

This may or may not be the right thing to do, it is just what I would do.

Because there is a small chance that you could be wrong on this and if that is the case, you may have unnecessarily worried your nanny family for nothing.

Unless you can afford to be without a job, I wouldn't risk it.

Not saying they would fire you over this, but who knows how these things may turn out?

Just keep your eye on the MB's mother and if you see anything that is very troubling (like leaving a stove unattended or the child unattended in a bathtub, etc.), then let your family know.

Good luck.