Nanny stole Thomas trains

[Anonymous]

I posted on another thread, but was told to post here, so here goes: We think our nanny stole a large container of Thomas trains. I am posting here with the hopes that we do not only receive responses from indignant nannies, but hopefully receive responses from employers who perhaps have been through this, or something similar.

I am not sure how to handle the situation. The trains were put away for DC, in a rarely accessed part of the house, completely out of the way. This happened a while ago; nanny had stopped working for us when DC started school, but we were reluctant to blame her, and wanted to be certain it could have not been anyone else. No one else had access to the area where the trains were kept. The trains were one item we were saving, to divide up amongst DC when they have children. We do not make it a habit to save things for DC, but found that the trains were extra special to them. In addition, they were many and are pricey, so whomever took them knew what they were doing. I would hate to call the nanny, out of the blue, and tell her about this; and also feel she might believe she has no obligation to us now (I could see that point). WWYD?

I am well aware this is a concern of first world problems, but the trains were quite an investment, and we had specifically put them away for DC. It is heartbreaking to see them gone, knowing how much DC enjoyed them.

[Anonymous]

So when did nanny stop working for you, and when did you figure out trains were missing?

If you didn't realize it until long after (months) the nanny was gone, I don't see anyway you can ask her if she has the trains.

If you have an ongoing relationship, I think you could ask if she's seen the trains, you seem to have misplaced them.

[Anonymous]

You are completely shit out of luck. You have zero recourse morally or legally. You have zero proof she took them, you waited to address this. You'll need to make peace with the fact that they're gone and let it go.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, but I think u have to let this one go. Since she doesn't work for u any more, I don't think u can call her out of the blue and inquiry about the whereabouts of the trains. If you still had a working relationship with her, then I would casually ask if she has seen the trains.

Sorry, I know it sucks to have something with such sentimental and monetary value go missing.

[Anonymous]

Also, please don't allow this to affect any references you may give her. You just don't know that she took them.
I can't imagine why a grown woman would steal your trains.

[Anonymous]

You have give no proof whatsoever that your former nanny stole them!

It doesn't make sense - of all the things she could steal if she were a thief and she took a box of used trains? Come on - someone in your house (ask DH) threw them away or put them someplace else.

[Anonymous]

I think you could email her or text or call simply asking if she knows where they might be. Just say you have been looking for them and wondering if she may have placed them somewhere without accusing of course.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a troll.

OP here. I wish! I wanted to believe it would have been someone else - anyone else - as we really liked her. We had a good relationship and liked each other, and we were very generous to her. I thought she was almost like family. But there may have been a little tiny bit of contempt? Or something to make her take them? Perhaps thinking that it was nothing to us, or that we could "afford" to replace them? Maybe any of these are not accurate, maybe I have been thinking about her reasons too much, in an effort to pinpoint why she would have wanted to do this. I don't know if the fact they are gone, or the fact that she would have been the one to take them is more disconcerting. I try not to think about it too much, as either of them are sad to me. Money is money to some people.

I have not yet decided if I will slowly rebuild the collection or not. It makes me sad that the originals DC played with were either sold on Ebay or given to nanny's relatives. I would have happily shared 1/2 of them, and kept 1/2 to spread out amongst my own DC. I don't think anyone can fault me for wanting DC to have some.

[Anonymous]

Good for you for not initially accusing your nanny. Being accused of stealing from someone else is HUGE so I am glad that you chose to err on the side of caution first.

However, after all this time, if the trains have not come up + you are very certain no one else had access to where they were stored (your child's friends, etc.), then you can always call the nanny.

I don't know what good will come out of contacting her however. She most likely will deny stealing the trains and she also will be very offended you think she did.

Be prepared to burn a bridge there.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Call her and say you have been doing some spring cleaning and can't find the trains. Ask her if she remembers where she saw them last. If they are truly missing in your house somewhere she might know.

[Anonymous]

Easy way to find out: Schedule her to babysit one evening for you. If she declines you can be fairly sure she took them. If she accepts she is either extremely brave or innocent, but still you can set her down and confront her with DB when she arrives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy way to find out: Schedule her to babysit one evening for you. If she declines you can be fairly sure she took them. If she accepts she is either extremely brave or innocent, but still you can set her down and confront her with DB when she arrives.

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. She could be booked already, she could be out of town, she could just not want to babysit.

[Anonymous]

Call her and say you have been doing some spring cleaning and can't find the trains. Ask her if she remembers where she saw them last. If they are truly missing in your house somewhere she might know.

Do this.

[Anonymous]

OP still has not answered the first question asked here: How long was it from when nanny left until you discovered the trains were missing? If more than a couple of weeks the margin for error increases. Maybe you went out of town and had a distant relative, neighbor, or pet sitter come to your home? Maybe you had a dinner party with several people who could have snuck away to use the bathroom and then made off with the trains. Maybe you had a contractor, painter or plumber in the house? As someone else pointed out it could be as simple as your husband or other trusted family member just didn't want the junk taking up space and didn't want you to notice.

As others have pointed out, with access to your entire house, it seems likely that if she wanted to steal something she would've chosen somethingeasier to take or more valuable. Also if she worked with you any longer than six months she's going to need you as a reference. To most nannies a good reference is worth a heck of a lot more than Thomas trains.