Nanny Desperately Seeking Advice
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Anonymous
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Hey nannies and parents!
I have been a nanny for the past 13 years and am also a certified newborn care specialist with additional certifications in infant and toddler sleep training. I have been with the same high net worth family for the past 4 years. They have six children and I am currently only responsible for the youngest, and infant. The other 5 children have their own nannies. I work different hours every single week-and am often scheduled to care for the baby during the night and during travel. My hours vary from 50 per week and can go up to 100+ during a very busy or travel week. The nannies often do not get their schedule until Saturday or Sunday night for the following week. I am often scheduled shifts that are 12-16 hours long, and very often have shifts that are 24+ hours long as well. I often work holidays and am expected to be available to work them no matter what family obligations I may have. I am compensated very well for the New York area. Below is a breakdown of my compensation package: 33.00 per hour Overtime-time and a half after 8 hours and double time after 12. Health insurance fully paid for by my boss. (680.00 per month) 2 weeks of paid vacation per year Now, I realize that I am paid a vey very high salary, but please understand that the things I have to deal with in this position AND my many years of experience with added certifications FULLY warrant that. My problem, is that because I am paid such a high salary my boss feels that she OWNS me. Below I have made a list of the problems I am having: 1. Not receiving my schedule until very last minute, therefor making it to where I cannot schedule things that I need to do or have any sort of a life outside of work. 2. Receiving constant texts at all hours of the day/night when I am not on duty 3. No consideration that I have a family at home as well who I would like to be able to spend at least some holidays with. 4. Not feeling respected or valued-this is due to every move I make with the children constantly being questioned. If baby spits up, I must not have burped him enough, if baby didn't take a nap, it must be my fault, If baby is fussy, I must not know how to soothe him etc. 5. Constant negative critisism. "You're holding baby too much and spoiling him." -which is untrue and unwarranted. There are a lot more issues, but those are the main ones and a few examples to go along with them. After dealing with these things for many years I dexides to schedule a meeting with my boss last month. I sat down with her and laid everything out onto the table. What I thought was a meeting I had scheduled to let her know my concerns and my suggestions for solving them turned into a meeting where she had her own agenda. What agenda was that you ask? To basically tell me that I am paid a very high salary, and that because of that I should just take the job as it is, and have absolutely no complaints. I tried to explain to her that appreciation and consideration were much more important to me than money, and that the money was a bonus. So basically, what the whole conversation boils down to is that she OWNS me because she pays me so well, and that I should just keep my mouth shut with any complaints from that point forward. None of my concerns/complaints were validated at all, and she is unwilling to make any changes or improvements. Im wondering your thoughts on all of this? Am I out of line for expecting to be treated like a human being or is she out of line for acting like she owns me because of the high salary? Would you stay on in this type of situation, or would you do your darnedest to find another job that pays a comparable amount of money? (They are out there but are few and far between, and its all about the right timing in finding them) Please no rude responses, as that's not what I need right now. Thanks in advance -Nanny |
Anonymous
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I would gently remind her of what you are doing -- if she thinks you are holding the baby too much, tell her exactly how long you are holding the baby and ask her if she wants you to adjust that and if so by how many minutes. I have stopped my overly-critical MB many times with, "I understand -- how would you like me to do it differently?"
Stop answering her texts and calls when you aren't working. You can start this slowly by making a conscious effort to wait longer and longer periods of time between receipt and answering. The schedule is a much tougher issue. It may be that she doesn't know her schedule too far in advance and you are bring well paid to be flexible. If you ask her/tell her in advance the off-hours you will not be available, it might help. ("I don't know if you are going to need me or not on May 14th but I will not be able to work that evening") Generally, the higher the paying job (in any field) the more flexible the worker must be. |
Anonymous
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I think you are paying the price for the salary you receive and you'll have to make some tough choices.
Is professionalism/respect/quality of life worth finding a lower paying job? That's what you have to decide. This kind of "golden handcuffs" situation exists in lots of places - I've been there in the corporate world and it was hell. Think hard about your finances and whether this job is really worth it. It sure doesn't sound like this employer will change, and she'll easily be able to replace you w/ that salary. So this is a personal decision for you. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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In principle, your boss does not have the right to "own" you no matter how much she compensates your for it.
No one owns you buy YOU. That being said, you do make a good salary for caring for only one child so these issues you are currently having are pretty much the trade-off(s) for now. As the saying goes..."You never get something for nothing." This is a tough call OP. I would most likely keep the job due to the high pay if I really needed the money + had children or a certain lifestyle to maintain, etc. If however, you think you can reasonably live on less money, then it would be wiser to find another job where you feel you are treated w/more respect. I have a question...Do you ever converse w/the other children's nannies? If so, do they feel the same way that you do? |
Anonymous
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*you
*but |
Anonymous
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You have great credentials and experience, but i don't think its fair to say this alone warrants the extremely high pay rate you are commanding. That rate, especially if translated into an actual base rate prescribed by legal overtime rather than all the extra OT you get, is in line with nurses and other highly trained professionals. (As opposed to certifications)
Instead, I think you need to consider your MB has a point. Your pay rate is primarily due to the nature of the job, which, to many people, myself included, would be unacceptable. Only you can decide if it's worth it or not. |
Anonymous
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OP here: thank you all for your advice. I have talked with the other nannies and every single one of them has the same issues/concerns that I have. But, they stay for the money.
As far as me commanding such a high rate of pay, the average pay for a newborn care specialist in this area is 30-35 an hour depending on experience. I am both a newborn care specialist snd a professional career nanny, which is why 33.00 Hour is the rate I request. However, that is not to say that I would not accept another position with a family who treats me with more respect and values me and what I do for their children that pays less. I am willing to go down to 30.00 per hour if the right opportunity presents itself. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like this might be a better job for a single woman without kids and pets. |
Anonymous
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OP, I'm sorry. You still should be treated with respect and decency despite being paid well. You don't pay someone more money to be treated badly and "owned".
I'm a career nanny and have been for a very long time. I have interviewed with wealthy families such as yours a few times, and been offered the positions. I turned them down. In every case, I decided to earn less money and take positions with upper-middle class families I really liked. They really respected and valued me and my work. Now when I look back over the years in those positions, I'm so glad I chose them. Your MB will not change. You have to ask yourself if it's important enough for you to work for different people and make less money, or if the money is the priority. If so, figure out how to manage the situation the best you can (though the MB flat out told you she won't change anything). It's a tough decision. Do what's best for you. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Honestly, I don't think your pay is that amazing for the crazy schedule you have to deal with. I also don't think being certified as a newborn specialist is anything great. Any one with some extra cash and time can get certified. This family is paying you that rate because most young ppl would jump at it and work their schedule around. You should either look for a job with upper middle class that has a set schedule for slightly less pay for one infant or work with multiples so you can make a similar wage. I know a few people who make $30 for twins in major city. I think in the situation you are in, you're completely replaceable and the family won't change for you |
Anonymous
OP here: Thank you so much for this....you have no idea how much just your words have helped me this morning. I completely agree with everything you said. I have been looking for something else for quite some time, and have had interviews with other high net worth families that have offered me the position, but have turned them down because they all have the same mentality that my current boss has. I am definitely willing to lower my rate to 30 an hour and if need be work with multiples (twins, triplets) for that rate. Sometimes, I find that things come along when you aren't looking...so maybe I will just wait until one of my agencies contacts me with a great new opportunity. Again, thank you for your advice. I really do appreciate it. |
Anonymous
OP here: I really appreciate your straight forward and blunt advice. You're right. My boss will Never change, and I will definitely continue to feel disrespected and miserable if I stay here. I will hold out for another high paying position, but will be open to reducing my hourly rate If need be. |
Anonymous
| Your health insurance is insane. Do you have health issues? I pay less than $200 a month. |
Anonymous
My health insurance covers my whole family. That is why it is so expensive. |
Anonymous
| It really doesn't matter what any of us say or think. Your MB has made it clear: take the job as it is or leave. Now you need to decide which of those options you want to pursue. You told her that the money is just a bonus compared to respect and appreciation, but your choice of job says otherwise. If you choose to stay, lost the martyr attitude. Yes, $30-35 in NYC for an NCS is normal, but you are making that plus overtime, which is not typical, unless you are in a 24-hour position. And the fact that you are a "career nanny" doesn't make you worth more than any other NCS. The reality is that you are making a ton of money for a very demanding and high-stress job. If you want the money, stay. If you want a more reasonable work environment, go. If you are on the fence, keep shopping around, but know that there are very few high-end jobs with parents who are low-key and down to earth. The low-key, down-to-earth parents generally prioritize their lives differently and don't need or want a high-end nanny; they prefer to raise their own kids at least partially. So the idea that you will be making a similar amount elsewhere working for parents who fawn over your expertise and credentials seems unlikely to me. You might have a similar base rate, but the amount of overtime will drop drastically and you will end up taking home a lot less (although you will be working less as well). |