Just a vent: share situation; one parent isn't providing necessary items for child

[Anonymous]

I have been with my NF for three years. About ten months ago, MB told me that her nephew (henceforth referred to as M) who is about a year older than her DD (henceforth referred to as A), also needed care a few days per week, and together we agreed on a share situation for three days per week. I've really enjoyed having M over; he's a great kid and I know A likes him, too.

The issue is that M's mom (in effect, my secondary MB now) doesn't bring him over with everything he needs for the day. M started coming last summer; his mom never once brought sunglasses or a sun hat or sunscreen for him. He always ended up borrowing one of A's older sun hats (which never fit him and all her stuff is pink which he always complains about) and her sunscreen as well. Over the winter, she wouldn't bring a heavy coat or hat for him The last few weeks it's been very rainy. I always love getting kids out in the rain to splash in puddles, look for worms, etc, but she has not once brought over his rain boots or rain jacket. Basically she never brings what he will need to go outside, and he's a lot bigger than A so he can't always borrow her things (or, for example, A only has one pair of rain boots, one rain jacket, etc).

M's mom is also expected to provide food for him, but she would never provide enough. He comes after breakfast, at 8am, and leaves at 3:30pm. His mom would almost always leave him with the same food: one peanut butter or cheese sandwich, a tangerine, a banana, and a handful of goldfish. This is a 4 year old boy! Nine times out of ten, he would start asking for a snack by 9am, and when snack time rolled around at 10:15 he'd eat all of his banana and tangerine and say he was still hungry, so I'd give him a few goldfish and say he had to wait until lunch for more food. He'd complain about being hungry, then eat all of his sandwich right away at lunch and say he was still hungry. So I had to either make the poor boy go hungry, or use food from my main NFs house for him. On the one hand I know they probably don't care too much, but on the other hand I've noticed that on weeks when I let M share As food she runs out of her favorite foods by Thursday or Friday (MB grocery shops on saturdays and has never taken me up on my offer to grocery shop for them).

I've asked M's mom twice to provide more food for him, explaining that he eats it all by lunchtime and is then very hungry all afternoon. Both times she did provide more food for a couple of weeks but then reverted back to her old ways. At one point last summer I asked about a sun hat or sun glasses for M, and she brought his sun hat twice before forgetting it again. It makes me feel incredibly awkward that I have to continue to ask her to provide basic necessities for her sons care. Ive considered bringing it up to my (primary?) MB. Aside from the fact that they are family, which increases awkwardness, there is some added drama with M's dad.

I don't know the full story with M's dad. What I was told last summer by my MB is that M's dad was "going through a rough time..." And "...had to move out of the house with his wife and son and back in with his parents..." But "he is working on things and they are going to counseling and working it out." I'm pretty sure it was related to substance abuse, but I honestly don't know. I try not to bring up his dad but M brings him up sometimes, saying things like "I went to a ball game with Daddy over the weekend." Or "we had a pizza party for Daddy's birthday last night." etc. So I know at this point his dad is in the picture, I just don't know in what capacity exactly. The point of this whole paragraph is: for all I know, M's mom may be effectively a single mom at this point, which makes me even more nervous to bring any of theses grievances up with her or my (main) MB. Obviously if she is acting as a single mom right now in some way that makes these issues seem more understandable.

Ultimately, I just hope everything works out for the best with M's family. It's just pretty frustrating being put in the position of not having the necessary supplies to take the kids outside when we're stuck together all day, and also having to decide whether to let M eat all of his cousins food or make him go hungry :/

[Anonymous]

Can you email a list of things you need to mom the night before?

[Anonymous]

Can he have an area at the house where you work to keep some of his things?
Like a box somewhere, where he can keep a coat, extra pair of boots, sunscreen etc?

[Anonymous]

I was going to suggest he either have some basics left at the house or sending her an email each night stating what you need for the following day. MAybe ask for 2 sandwiches or a couple boxes of mac and cheese you can make during the week. Sounds like he needs more protein though...beans, hummus, hard boiled eggs etc to fill him up...too many carbs which don't stick.

Failing that, I'd talk to the orginal MB and see if she's OK with supplying a few extra snacks and such. Maybe go to a thrift store and buy an extra pair of boots and a jacket or something that he can leave there all the time. Sounds like that mom has a lot on her plate.

[Anonymous]

It might be easier for M's mom to just give A's mom $25 a week or whatever, and then A's mom can food shop for two kids instead of one.